


The Summer of '64

by heartsdesire456



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Family, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 13:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 43,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/748946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the minute he was born, Life was never very easy for Tommy Joe Ratliff.  </p><p>Born one rainy night in a train station bathroom to a drifter full of whiskey and empty of caring, abandoned to die in a pile of dirty rags by the train platform, from his very first breath Tommy Joe Ratliff was full of fight. After being found by a young black woman and her daughter when they arrived to pick up her husband returning from the war, Tommy’s fight stopped being for himself alone. </p><p>It was a heavy dose of that very same fight that brought Tommy to <i>him</i> the summer of ‘64. That summer the world changed, but for Tommy…</p><p>The biggest change ever came the day he met Adam Lambert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Summer of '64

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is... something else. TO GET STARTED: Thanks HUGELY to I_glitterz (Tori) and blackandblue2 (Erin) for art and beta, respectively. NEITHER OF THEM owed me anything, they just voluntarily made my life amazing!
> 
> I got the most RANDOM idea one day. I was driving along, listening to my usual old-rock station, when an old bluesy rock song came on and FOR SOME REASON I had a mental picture of Tommy playing guitar in a smokey blues club. My mind raced- why was Tommy there? oooh where was 'there'?! OH an old timey blues club! OH Tommy's parents own it- TOMMY'S THE ADOPTED SON OF A BLACK FAMILY WHO OWN A BLUES CLUB!
> 
> By the time I got home, I had this idea buzzing around. I set to researching. I spent a good 8 hours researching and working out a plot. A mesmerizing 15 days later, this was done. It's been at the beta longer than I ever expected to be so I've been spamming the HELL out of my friends on twitter and livejournal with teasers. I got it from the beta this afternoon, I texted my friend Tori that it was back, she AUTOMATICALLY made me the AMAZING art you see here, and I did my final revisions when I got home tonight. I've reread it to be sure everything is how I want it and now...
> 
> It's here! I'm honestly more excited about posting this than any of you will be about reading it, lol
> 
> NOTES: 
> 
> Writing Playlist: (listened to on shuffle, no order)
> 
> The writing playlist was made up of songs that either would have been songs Tommy would have liked at the time, are songs that are in the fic, have something to do with the era, or just have the bluesy sound/feel that inspired me to write this fic in the first place. I've lost faith in uploads or streaming, but feel free to look up these songs and listen along!
> 
> Spirit In The Sky- Normal Greenbaum  
> The Fire Down Below- Bob Segar  
> Fortunate Son- Creedence Clearwater Revival  
> Orange Blossoms- JJ Grey & Mofro  
> Sinnerman- Nina Simone  
> Bottom Of The River- Delta Rae  
> Cry Me A River- Ella Fitzgerald  
> I Put A Spell On You- Nina Simone  
> Gimme Shelter- The Rolling Stones  
> Texas Flood- Larry Davis  
> Love Me Tender- Elvis Presley  
> Simple Man- Lynyrd Skynyrd  
> Love Me Two Times- The Doors  
> Dimples- John Lee Hooker  
> One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer- George Thorogood  
> Pride and Joy- Stevie Ray Vaughan  
> The Ballad of Curtis Loew- Lynyrd Skynyrd  
> Black Water- Doobie Brothers
> 
> Rather than giving longwinded, detailed historical notes, I'll give you the abridge version:  
> -Slang is period accurate  
> -Facts about the war are period accurate  
> -Facts about race are period/regionally accurate  
> -Names of establishments and people are 99% fictional  
> -Attitudes towards race/the war/homosexuality are period/regionally accurate  
> -Any variations or exaggerations SHOULD be subtle enough to not change the period accuracy. If any of my research was incorrect, I'm terribly sorry that my research results were incorrect yet convincing!

From the minute he was born, Life was never very easy for Tommy Joe Ratliff.

Born one rainy night in a train station bathroom to a drifter full of whiskey and empty of caring, abandoned to die in a pile of dirty rags by the train platform, from his very first breath Tommy Joe Ratliff was full of fight. After being found by a young black woman and her daughter when they arrived to pick up her husband returning from the war, Tommy’s fight stopped being for himself alone. 

It was that never-ending fight in Tommy’s very core that carried him through a childhood of being the outcast in his community. It was that never-ending fight in Tommy’s heart that kept him getting back up every time he got beat up at school for standing up to the white boys that called his sister names. It was that never-ending, all enduring fight that ran through Tommy’s veins and often spilled down his face when he let out his anger on his unsuspecting peers who assumed he was as full of the same hate and bigotry as they were, just because he was the same color as them.

It was a heavy dose of that very same fight that brought Tommy to _him_ the summer of ‘64. That summer the world changed, but for Tommy…

The biggest change ever came the day he met Adam Lambert.

Tommy smiled when he opened the door and immediately heard the soothing sounds of what could only be old man Jenkins playing the piano. He entered Henry’s, and sure enough, Jenkins was sitting at the piano while a girl danced between the tables with a broom in her hands. When the bell jingled, she looked up and froze before putting her hands on her hips.

“Tommy Joe, when Mama sees that black eye she’s gonna go ape,” she warned, shaking her head with a suck of her teeth as she danced and swept once again. “Missouri won’t be too happy either,” she added.

Tommy sighed dramatically, fighting a smile. “You women all like to think I’m a delicate little flower,” he argued, dropping his backpack on the floor behind the counter. “Just had an argument with a door is all,” he said with a wave of his hand. 

She came to a stop across the counter from him and raised an eyebrow. “A door, huh?”

Tommy just smirked. “Yep, Kittie Belle, a door.”

Kittie shook her head and sighed. “You are such a coconut, Tommy.” She turned to walk around the counter. “Put some ice on before our old man gets here. He won’t be happy if your eye’s swelled shut-“

“What was that about an eye swelled shut?” Tommy and Kittie both looked up at the women who walked in. “Tommy Joe Ratliff!” 

Tommy winced. “Ma, it isn’t that bad-“

“Your eye is gonna be all purple and blue!” she chastised as she rushed towards the counter. “Tommy, you know better than to be fighting-“

“You really think he’s ever gonna learn, Mama?” Missouri shook her head at Tommy. “You’re gonna learn one day, boy.”

Tommy huffed when his mother tilted his head to look at his eye. “I don’t need to learn a damn thing- OW, Ma!”

She shook a finger at him. “You watch that mouth,” she said, poking at his cheek. “Aw baby, what am I gone do with you?” she asked, shaking her head. 

“What’s he done now, Beulah?” Tommy and both his sisters froze, sharing wide eyed looks. Tommy paled, whereas Missouri looked sympathetic and Kittie was fighting a smile. Tommy cringed, ducking his head so his platinum-bleached locks fell over his eye.

Beulah just shook her head. “Fighting again,” she said, looking up to the back room where her husband stood in the doorway. “Swear to God, Henry, I don’t know what I’m gone do about this child,” she said, walking off with an exasperated wave of her hands. 

Henry sighed, running a hand over his silver-flecked head as he came over. “Son, you ain’t a child anymore. You can’t keep getting in fights,” he started. Tommy groaned.

“Pops, I swear, I didn’t start it!” he defended. “Just some dumbass decided to jump bad and I couldn’t look like I was scared of him!”

Henry raised an eyebrow. “You telling me Joe let somebody lookin’ for a fight into the garage?” he asked, clearly suspicious.

Tommy bit his lip and looked down. “Um, yeah-“

“TommyJoe, don’t you lie to your daddy,” Beulah called out, and Tommy jumped. He hadn’t known she was still listening.

Tommy sighed and blew out a breath, making his hair flutter. “It was after work,” he grumbled. Henry gave a frustrated shake of his head. 

“I’ve told you about those rallies, Tommy-“

“Pops-“

Henry grabbed his shoulder. “No, listen to me.” He looked into Tommy’s eyes. “I already had to pick you up from jail once, Tommy. I understand you think you ought to be out there. I know you think it’s the thing you should be doin’.” Tommy glowered. “But you’re a kid with all the possibilities in the world in front of you and having arrests on your record- even if they just let you out without charges- ain’t good for that future. You’ve got a shot to do so much more than I have-“

Tommy glared at him, defiantly brushing his hand off. “Oh yeah well what about Missouri? Or Kittie?” he challenged. “The way I see it, you’re right, I can go do whatever the hell I want-“

“LANGUAGE, BOY!” his mother called, but he ignored it.

“But my sisters can’t hope for _shit_ , can they? And for what!” Tommy grabbed his backpack and turned around. “For being born! They didn’t have a damn choice about how they were born any more than I did, and that ain’t right, Pops,” he argued, stopping at the door to turn back. “I don’t honestly care about my record when I’m doing what IS right so that my sisters can have the same opportunities I do- the same ones you didn’t get- without anybody telling them ‘no’ just because of the color of their skin!” He shook his head. “You cannot ask me to stop doing the _right thing_ ,” he said harshly, turning without another word and walking out, bell tinkling even after he was gone.

Tommy felt embarrassed once he’d cooled down, so when Missouri sat down beside him out in front of the bar, he didn’t look up from his scuffed boots, his chin resting on the arms crossed over his knees. Missouri put an arm around his shoulders and leaned against him. “You shouldn’t argue with him. Daddy just wants to look after you,” she said softly.

Tommy sighed, looking up at the sky. “I just don’t know how he expects me to just… sit back and not do anything. I mean, I get one more person at a freedom sit-in isn’t going to do much but at least it makes me feel like I am,” he muttered.

Missouri smiled and patted his shoulder. “Things are getting better, though. You don’t need to go and risk your future anymore, TommyJoe. You heard what they said, the President is gonna sign that thing any day now to help the people that have it real bad. And things aren’t so bad here, you know? You hear all the time in the papers how bad it could be-“

“It is still pretty terrible though, Missouri,” he argued. “Nobody can get work, good paying places won’t hire anybody of color and if they do they don’t pay as good. People still get talked to like they’re dirt. The pigs look for excuses to beat anybody that isn’t white. Yeah maybe we went to the same school and were in the same classes unlike people other places, but it’s still messed up,” he pointed out.

Missouri sighed. “Tommy,” she hugged him. “Even if me and Kitty were white you know it wouldn’t be much better, don’t you?” 

Tommy snorted. “Bullshit, you see white women with jobs. At the garage a woman works at the counter answering phones and cashing out customers. You see women working in shops. Hell there’s women in the factories. They’re just all _white_ women. Besides, there are rallies for that too.” He shook his head. “If you could get a job and if Kittie could get a job, both of you could afford to go to college and be something-“

“Ha!” Missouri snorted. “That’s rich coming from the only son in this family,” she said pointedly.

Tommy grinned. “I ain’t one for school, you two are both smart,” he said, nudging their shoulders together. “I just… I want things right,” he said dejectedly. “Pops _served in the war_ and the only reason we’ve got it as good as we do is because he bought a blues joint that makes a lot of money, Missouri. That is so far from okay. This can’t keep on,” he whispered.

Missouri groaned, laying her head on Tommy’s shoulder. “It won’t, TommyJoe. Things’ll be better soon. Things are already changing, you don’t have to be risking your future when people already did enough-“

“It ain’t enough,” Tommy argued. “It’ll never be enough. Never. Until the day every single man and woman is judged on who they are not what they look like or what’s under their clothes, it won’t _ever_ be enough.”

Missouri smiled sadly. “Then you won’t ever be done, Tommy, cause if that day ever comes it’ll be long after you and me are gone. There’s always something else people will judge each other for. If not their color or gender, then for their size, their religion, their friends, their place in the world… it might stop someday but it won’t be in our lifetime.”

Tommy smiled sadly. “Then I just won’t be done, then.”

Missouri laughed. “You stubborn child,” she said, shoving him before standing up, straightening out her skirt. “Come on, Mama’s got some words for your mouth,” she said, tugging his hair playfully.

Tommy whined. “Oh God, just kill me instead.”

By the time Beulah let Tommy loose after his talking to, he was needed on stage already. Old man Jenkins was still sitting at the piano but the rest of the boys had shown up and started without him. Mr. Carlson played the drums, John Avery- one of Tommy’s oldest friends- played double bass, Earl Scott played a mouth harp and sang, and Tommy played guitar for them. Every night at Henry’s there was live music. Sometimes the house band gave up the stage to some other musician but more nights than not, Tommy got to do his favorite thing in the world: playing music for people.

Tommy knew he was lucky. Henry’s made enough money that they were able to keep an electric guitar and a Dobro at the club so that they could mix it up on stage. His guitar, however, was the same beat up acoustic guitar his parents had given him when he was twelve years old. She was scratched up so bad the wood showed through the black paint most places, but she sounded as good as the day he first put his fingers on the strings.

Growing up, the Ratliffs could never afford a babysitter so Beulah and Henry kept the kids in the back room until they closed up and went home. Tommy and Missouri, who was only a year older than him, spent more than a few nights sitting peeking through the crack in the door to watch people dancing, laughing, and to listen to the music while their daddy tended the bar and their mama took drinks to the people at tables. Around fourteen and fifteen their parents put them to work at the bar, serving drinks and cleaning glasses. Now that Kittie was fifteen, she’d been helping out for almost a year and, just like he had with Missouri, Tommy had ended up getting into fights with drunk men with dirty mouths more than a few times after they propositioned his fifteen year old sister.

Tommy pounding some grown ass man talking dirty to his sisters was about the only time his parents didn’t get hacked at his fighting.

Two fights in one day was a record but it didn’t stop Tommy when a man who had to be about thirty started heckling them. Tommy, during a break in playing, got pulled onto the dance floor by Kittie, who always loved dancing with Tommy since he would spin her around and dip her even though he looked ridiculous dancing next to someone with real talent like Kittie. She was too young to be dancing with men at the bar but Tommy gave her a dance every once in a while so she didn’t feel left out.

“Hey baby, you so fine!” the man called and Tommy felt Kittie tense, though she didn’t stop dancing with him.

Tommy chuckled. “Ignore it, I know he ain’t the first one to call you pretty,” he teased, earning a giggle.

“What’s a fox like you doin’ dancing with a white boy?” Tommy gritted his teeth when Kitty ducked her head, trying to ignore the man’s remarks.

Tommy did the same until the man came a little closer and called out. “You so easy you takin’ it from a white boy?” Kittie gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth in shock.

Tommy, however, immediately saw red. He pushed Kittie out of the way then turned around, face burning as he kicked a table out from between him and the man. “The hell did you just say about my sister?!” he cried, jumping over the chair between them to get his hands on the man’s throat.

“TOMMY!” Kittie screamed and the music stopped in a rush, and John nearly dropped his instrument as he jumped off the stage, running over to where people were backing away as Tommy and the man knocked chairs every direction as they rolled around, getting in fewer punches than curses.

“Let him go!” John shouted, grabbing at Tommy’s shirt while somebody else grabbed at the other man’s arms. They pulled them to their feet and broke them apart just enough for Tommy to break loose with one solid fist to the man’s eye, knocking him into the ones holding him. “Tommy, stop!” he cried as Tommy continued to kick and fight.

“CALL MY BABY SISTER EASY AGAIN, I FUCKING DARE YOU, YOU BASTARD!” Tommy spat angrily, blood from his lip and spit flying. “I FUCKING _DARE_ YOU!”

“Tommy!” Henry snapped, finally getting over. He grabbed Tommy’s wrist and Tommy looked up, the rage leaving him some as he saw his father’s warning face. “That’s enough-“

“Fuckin’ honky hit me-“

Tommy’s eyes widened and he rose up again, only to be stopped when Henry reached out and grabbed the man by his collar and dragged him in, a frighteningly calm rage in his eyes. “You call my son that again and he won’t be the only one that hits you,” he said, then shoved the man away, letting him fall. “And you watch your mouth talking to women, especially a little girl! You’re a grown man, you know better than to be disrespectful,” he warned. “Get out of my bar. Now.”

John held onto Tommy until the man was gone. The ones standing around shuffled, looking back and forth, muttering things before Henry looked at them all. “Sorry about that, folks! A round on the house,” he said, and they all nodded, smiling as they went back to their seats. John let go of Tommy, who set about putting tables and chairs back in place. Henry caught his elbow. “Go let your mama look at your lip,” he said, and Tommy nodded, still red and shaking. Kittie came over and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the bar where Beulah was already getting ice in a towel.

Missouri just chuckled from her spot putting beers on a tray. “What’s that now, third one in as many months?” she asked and Tommy rolled his eyes.

Beulah smacked him on the back of the head. “Keep rollin’ them eyes and I’ll have to knock the sass out of you,” she threatened. “Now hold still,” she ordered, pressing the cold, wet towel against his mouth. “Baby, you look like hell between the black eye and this cut lip. Only you could get in two fights in one day.”

Missouri grinned. “Good job on the second, though,” she said and Beulah gave her a warning look.

Tommy just snorted. “Like hell I’m gonna let some bastard call my baby sister easy-“

“Boy I’m gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap,” Beulah threatened, glaring. “Now hold still, damn it!” she complained and Missouri and Kittie both snickered.

“Now I ain’t sayin’ he should’ve said that about the little girl, but a black man gets it bad enough without having a violent white boy jump him when he’s just trying to have a drink.” Tommy and Beulah both tensed when a loud, drunken discussion reached their ears from the other end of the bar. 

“We deal with enough white people all day long, why we gotta put up with one at our bar, you know?” another voice offered.

“Henry called the white boy his son but I don’t really see a family resemblance if you know what I mean-“

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that ain’t even a case of his wife runnin’ around either as lily white as that child is-“

Tommy gritted his teeth and Beulah’s hold on his wrist began to hurt, but before either of them could do anything, Missouri whirled around and headed down the bar, grabbing the nearest of the three talking’s full glass of beer and threw it in the face of the last speaker. “You say that stuff about my mama or my brother again and you won’t get violence from a man at all,” she threatened, face full of nothing but anger. “You three better watch your mouth about my family. I don’t care who you think you are, I’ll smack the hell out of you myself and we’ll see if it’s any less embarrassing to get pounded by a black girl instead,” she said in a deathly serious voice. “Now apologize and get out.”

The men stuttered apologies as they stumbled off their stools and made for the door. Missouri shook her head, leaning heavily on the bar. Tommy pulled away from Beulah with a slump to his shoulders, holding the ice to his mouth as he headed to the back room.

For a family of color in Los Angeles with only two males, the Ratliff’s had a nice home. It wasn’t a mansion by any means, but their house had a living room and dining room in one open space with an open kitchen, meaning the space seemed bigger than it was, and three bedrooms so that they weren’t crammed in the house. Even if they had lived in a bigger, more integrated neighborhood, any working-class family could only hope for a house with three bedrooms. Their neighborhood was sprawling enough that they also had a front porch, an little front lawn, a driveway that led to a carport, and a decent sized back yard beyond.

Tommy was glad their home was a nice house in a decently safe neighborhood because it meant he could sit outside on the porch with his guitar and play quietly without waking his parents or sisters like he would if he played in his room. When he needed to think, nothing was better than sitting outside and playing quietly deep into the night.

This was where Beulah found him sitting when she followed the soft strains of a guitar after waking to get water in the early hours of the morning. Tommy didn’t notice her until the door shutting caught his attention. “Baby, you should be asleep,” she said softly, walking over to sit next to him on the bench.

Tommy shrugged, hunching over his guitar. “Can’t sleep,” he mumbled softly.

Beulah sighed, curling her arm around him. “Aw baby let it go,” she said, pulling until he moved the guitar and laid his head on her shoulder, just like he had when he was little. She wrapped him in a hug and kissed his blonde hair. “Tommy, I know that stuff bothers you but you know people have said it your whole life-“

“Doesn’t make it okay,” he mumbled, biting his lip against the lump in his throat. “It seems like it don’t matter what I do, I’m never gonna fit nowhere,” he admitted and Beulah closed her eyes, holding him close. “So many people I try and chill with end up saying bad things about the people I grew up around. But then unless somebody’s known me since I was growing up, nobody wants to be around the ‘white boy’,” he grumbled, making a face at the two words he’d got so used to in his life. “It’s just so much worse when they say they’re not my sisters and-“ Tommy bit his lip, blinking hard against the burning in his eyes. He was a twenty-one year old man, he wasn’t about to cry on his mama’s shoulder. “And that you and Pop ain’t my parents-“

“Shhhhh,” Beulah whispered, shaking her head when Tommy’s voice cracked. “Words don’t matter, Tommy Joe,” she said firmly. “It don’t matter what color your skin is, you are my baby boy,” she said and Tommy whimpered, shaking some as he fought so hard not to cry. “Your daddy hasn’t ever thought of you as anything but his son. Missouri and Kittie have always been and will always be your sisters. It does not matter where you came from, Tommy. Just where you ended up. And you ended up in my arms the night you were born so you’re my baby,” she whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek and into Tommy’s hair. “You’re a good man, Tommy. You got the biggest heart and you are so much better than _anybody_ who says that stuff about you. It doesn’t matter what color those racists are when they single you out, they’re the losers in that contest because they might get a kick out of putting you down but they won’t ever know how life feels when somebody’s got as much good and love in their hearts as you do, Baby.” She smiled against Tommy’s hair. “And their mamas won’t ever know what it’s like to be so proud of the man they raised as I am of you. I worry about the stuff you get up to, and I try and stop you cause I’m so scared you’ll get hurt, but don’t ever think I don’t see every bit of good in you that makes you want to try and fix the world.”

Tommy sniffled, biting his lip. “Missouri told me I may as well stop trying cause the world won’t be fixed, least not in our lifetime.”

“It may not be fixed completely but enough people like you, Tommy Joe, and ya’ll can mend bits and pieces so that it’s always one step closer to being there and one day- maybe after ya’ll are gone, I admit- but one day this world will be fixed, and everybody will owe it to you and others like you for making the world better for them.”

Tommy smiled wetly, picking his head up. “I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but thank you for being my mama,” he said, and Beulah let out a wet sound, pulling him into a tighter hug.

“Oh baby, don’t you ever thank me for loving one of my children, I’m the luckiest mama in the world for my three so don’t you dare thank me for loving you,” she said fiercely.

Tommy nodded, smiling. “Love you, too.” He sighed and sat up. “Alright, let’s go inside, it’s late.”

Beulah laughed, letting him help her up. “You’re the one that was out here and now you’re tellin’ me to go inside?” she joked, holding her son’s hand as they headed back inside the house together.

Tommy’s only thought after the anger left him and he stopped kicking and squirming was ‘Ma is gonna kill me’. He was full of honest to God fear of his mother’s rage as he was led down a cinder block and concrete hallway towards holding cells that had others from the sit-in already locked up. He held his head high and smirked even through his fear when people all cheered when he passed, all knowing he just came from the same place they did, showing support for another person standing at their side. When they got nearly to the end, Tommy was stopped and his handcuffs removed before being shoved into a cell that was mostly empty, its only occupants two guys in the corner. Tommy tossed his bangs out of his eyes and went to sit on the opposite side of the cell from them.

“Whoa!” Tommy glanced up and the smaller man was staring. “Did the cops do that do you?!” he asked, and Tommy raised an eyebrow before he remembered his face.

“Oh! oh no,” he said, chuckling as he touched his still-sore lip and puffy eye. “Got in a couple fights yesterday.”

The bigger smiled. “Were you at the rally on campus too? There’s a lot more people in here than I expected,” he said and the smaller nodded.

Tommy shook his head. “I was a the sit-in downtown. The one at the hotel that won’t hire colored people anywhere but the kitchens or as maids. You know, since that law passed last week, that ain’t even legal, not to mention how wrong it is even if it was,” he explained, biting his lip apprehensively, preparing for a bad reaction.

The little one bounced, a bright smile on his face. “Oh right on! Good for you, man,” he said, coming over to hold out his hand. “I’m Brad, he’s Adam,” he introduced and Tommy shook his hand. “So how did it go? We were at the peace rally on campus.”

Tommy chuckled. “Well, I’m sitting in a jail cell so it went a little _too_ well.” He shook his head. “A lot of us ended up getting dragged off. I saw this really fat guy went limp so it took three pigs to get him off the floor,” he said with a devious grin.

Brad laughed. “Far out!”

Adam nodded. “We all just kinda went peacefully,” he admitted with a little shrug. “I mean, it’s a peace rally, what good is fighting the police without looking like jerks?”

Tommy made a face. “Pretty sure my face tells my story about giving up peacefully.”

Adam made a face, his blue eyes wide. “Hell yeah, I haven’t ever been hit hard enough to look that puffy and I grew up with a little brother,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“Used to it. I kinda get in a lot of trouble,” he admitted sheepishly. “It’s never my fault, I just seem to attract trouble.” He pointed at his eye. “I was at a freedom rally after work and some cat was looking to jump bad and I don’t think he figured I’d take him on, but I did.” He pointed at his mouth. “Some drunk man was making passes at my baby sister and called her ‘easy’.”

Adam whistled. “Damn, how old’s your sister?”

“She’s only fifteen, but I’d have probably still pounded him even if it had been my sister that’s a year older than me,” he said with a small smile. “You just don’t run your mouth about a man’s sisters.”

Brad snickered. “Probably underestimate you being a little guy like me-“

“Bell, you made bail.” Tommy and Adam both bit back laughter as the cop rolled his eyes at his phrasing. Brad stood up and turned to Adam and waved.

“I’ll tell the boys you’re still locked up if you don’t make it to the club tonight,” he reassured and Adam groaned.

“See you soon, hopefully,” he said, waving to his friend as he left. He slumped. “Knowing my mom, I’ll be here for hours.”

Tommy groaned, falling over to lay on his back on the bench now that it was empty once more. “I’d rather stay in, my mama can’t kill me with pigs around.”

Adam raised an eyebrow at him, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Why do you call them that?”

Tommy turned his head to look at Adam across the arm he had folded behind his head. “The pigs? Cause they’re bastards,” he said harshly.

Adam shook his head. “They’re just doing their jobs-“

“It ain’t nobody’s job to bust people for a broken tail light and beat the hell out of them with some shit about getting ‘aggressive’ when there’s a half dozen people who saw it all,” Tommy argued. “Ain’t nobody’s job to turn their head when a woman gets beat up by a group of teenagers walking home from the store. Pigs are bastards. There may be a few good ones but they look the other way for the bastards, so they are too,” he said fiercely.

Adam just stared, eyes wide. “Wow, I’ve never heard anything like that,” he admitted and Tommy chuckled ruefully.

“Yeah well, my pops has a bar in a neighborhood where that kinda thing happens every other week.” Tommy shook his head. “It’s not alright.”

They sat in silence for a little while before a cop came up and tapped the bars. “Ratliff, you’re out,” he barked and Tommy sat up.

Tommy nodded to Adam. “Easy, man.”

“Hey wait!” Adam called, making a face. “You never did say your name.”

Tommy smiled and nodded. “Tommy,” he said and Adam smiled back.

“Nice to meet you, Tommy Ratliff,” he said and Tommy waved as he turned to head out of the cell.

Tommy hadn’t expected he’d ever see either of the men he shared a cell with again, but much to his surprise, it was only two days later he blindly linked arms with the people on either side of him on day three of the sit-in at the Hayes Hotel and glanced up just as the taller man looked down, both of them blinking and sharing smiles. “Tommy Ratliff!” Adam exclaimed and Tommy laughed.

“Adam- well never got your last name, but hi!” he said brightly.

Adam laughed. “It’s Adam Lambert,” he said, then winced when the whole line shifted from where the police were trying to pull the people on down the row apart. “Sure didn’t expect to see you again,” he said, grinning down at Tommy. “Guess luck had other ideas, huh?”

Tommy nodded. “Real neat to see a familiar face down here,” he agreed. “Tried to talk my best friend into finally coming to a sit-in but won’t nobody come join me. They all think it’s too dangerous.”

Adam chuckled. “Well, can’t say they’re wrong, we did just get out of jail the day before yesterday.”

Tommy sighed. “I know,” he said, looking down to where they police were hauling people out of the line they’d finally broke. “You know, I ain’t one to back off, but if I get arrested a third time this summer, my parents will skin me alive,” he said, worrying his lip.

Adam paled, watching a girl getting physically carried to a police car. “I could get kicked out of school if I get arrested again,” he said, glancing the other way in the line to see a few people here and there breaking the line and leaving. “I’m not usually one to be a candyass but…”

Tommy nodded. “Wanna break same time? That way neither of us looks like a bigger pantywaist?” he offered and Adam shared a small grin with him. 

“I’m down. Count of three?” They counted to three then both let go of the people on either side, taking a few steps before dropping arms. 

Tommy looked back at the cops and whistled. “C’mon, we better shag ass!” he cried, breaking into a run. Adam fell into step with him, both of them laughing as the ran down the street, not stopping until they’d rounded two corners. 

Adam stopped and leaned against a building, laughing. “Man, that was pretty groovy.”

Tommy giggled, leaning against the wall. “That was so far from groovy, we’re both a couple of punks!”

“Yeah but punks who aren’t getting their asses handed to them by their mothers,” Adam pointed out and Tommy nodded with a lingering smile. Adam tilted his head with an easy smile. “Come on, wanna go get a beer? You seem like a gone cat, if you wanna hang.”

Tommy bit his lip, but nodded. “Alright, I don’t have to be at my folk’s bar until five, I’ve got time.”

Adam’s smile widened. “Neat! Come on, I know a place not far,” he said, nodding to the left as he pushed himself off the wall. Tommy just nodded and followed suit, hands in his pockets as he fell into step beside Adam, understandably nervous for a guy who didn’t have many friends.

Tommy smiled at the waitress who brought him and Adam their beers at the place Adam had taken him to. It was a pretty neat place. It was a restaurant, not a bar, but there was a bar at one side and a couple of people sitting at it while another few people sat at a table having beers and fries. Tommy looked at the radio at the bar and the pennant on the wall and grinned. “Baseball season must be big here,” he said and Adam grinned.

“A lot of guys from school come to listen to the games and have some drinks,” he said, shrugging. “Not a big sports fan but it was near and I’ve been a few times.”

Tommy scrunched his nose. “Not a big sports fan myself. My little sister wants to be a cheerleader at her high school but sadly I don’t see that happening,” he said with a shrug.

Adam frowned. “Why not?”

Tommy scratched at his neck. “Just stuff,” he said, waving his hand. “So, if you don’t like sports, what do you like?” he asked, picking at the label on his beer bottle.

Adam smiled, perking up. “Music. I love to sing and dance.”

“Me too!” Tommy said, then paused. “Well, not singing and dancing, but I love music. I play the guitar,” he said, showing Adam his fingers.

Adam whistled. “Ooh, I’ve never actually seen that.” He grabbed Tommy’s hand, looking closer at his fingertips. “Wow, it’s like calluses on your fingertips,” he said, poking at a regular callus on Tommy’s palm then at his fingertip. Tommy’s ears burned and he swallowed back embarrassment at having his hands examined. He hadn’t expected Adam to _grab his hand_ when he wiggled his fingers at him. Apparently Adam’s mind caught up with that and he gasped, dropping Tommy’s hand with a blush. “Oh man, I’m sorry!” He gave Tommy a wide-eyed, embarrassed look. “I didn’t even think, you don’t even know me and I just-“

Tommy chuckled. “It’s okay,” he said, amused. “I just… never expected you to feel of ‘em,” he said, putting his hand in his lap. 

Adam groaned, slapping a hand over his face. “I’m such a weirdo,” he said, shaking his head. “So, what are the other calluses from? You sure don’t look like you’d have rough hands like that for how little you are.”

Tommy offered a smile. “I work at a garage. Joe’s Garage. I’m not the best at fixing cars but I can unscrew the bolts the real mechanic tells me to and bring him the stuff he points at.”

Adam nodded. “So, are you in a band?”

“Not like you’re thinking, probably,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “I play in the house band at my old man’s bar a lot of nights, but that’s all.”

Adam smiled. “That’s pretty neat too, though. What kind of music do you listen too? What’s your favorite record?” he asked.

“Easy, ‘Singin’ The Blues’ by B.B. King,” he said with a small smile.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “B.B. King? Really?” He hummed. “Wasn’t expecting that, but I can see it. You play guitar,” he added, and Tommy chuckled.

“What were you thinking I’d say? ‘Meet The Beatles’?” he asked, and Adam shrugged.

“Didn’t know what you’d say, honestly.” He grinned sheepishly. “Can’t say much, mine is ‘Hello, Love’.”

Tommy perked up. “I _love_ Ella Fitzgerald!” he enthused, earning a bright smile.

Adam beamed and then out of nowhere began to sing. “ _Like breathing out and breathing in, I was serenely independent and content before we met, surely I could always be that way again and yet, I’ve grown accustomed to his looks, accustomed to his voice, accustomed to his face_.” Tommy stared. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide as he stared at Adam. Adam caught him staring and blushed, ducking his head. “Sorry, I kinda can’t help bursting out singing occasionally-“

“No!” Tommy shook his head, swallowing. “That was… wow,” he breathed in shock. “That was amazing,” he said and Adam giggled, cheeks pink.

“Oh stop, I just like the song,” he argued, waving a hand. 

Tommy smiled. “No really, Adam… I never thought a man would sound that good singing Ella Fitzgerald,” he said, then grinned. “Hell I never thought _anybody_ but Ella herself would sound that good.”

Adam smiled shyly. “Well thank you,” he mumbled. “You’re a cool head, Tommy Ratliff.”

Tommy just grinned and took a swig of his beer. “Hey, I’m just calling it like I see it. Ella would be proud,” he complimented, raising his beer to Adam in a playful toast.

Adam just laughed. “You’ll have to play your guitar for me sometime and we’ll see if B.B. King would be proud of you,” he teased, taking a drink of his own.

Tommy smiled and shrugged. “Who knows, maybe I will some time,” he offered and Adam’s eyes lit up some.

“I’d like that, I think,” he said, looking at Tommy in a way that Tommy didn’t really understand but wasn’t entirely uncomfortable with, so he said nothing, just turned the conversation to Adam’s college career.

By the time they parted ways, Tommy had planned to meet Adam for drinks again in two days, he had given Adam his telephone number so they could make plans in the future, and Tommy felt pretty confident he had made a new friend. 

It put a smile on his face as he headed to the bar to think he might have another friend besides John.

Tommy was sitting out on the back stoop playing his guitar while Kittie danced around with Missouri, enjoying the sunny afternoon, when he heard his mother call his name. “Ooooh, TommyJoe’s in trouble!” Kittie howled, giggling when Tommy rolled his eyes at her. He put down the guitar and jumped up to head inside.

“Yeah, Ma?” he called, stopping as he slid into the kitchen, socked feet sliding on the slick floor with a little flourish. 

Beulah handed him the telephone off the counter before heading back to the pie crust she was spreading out. “Some man is on the phone for you. Didn’t sound like Joe or John though,” she said and Tommy smiled, perking up.

“Oh!” He grabbed the phone and jumped up on the counter. “Hello?” he asked, biting at his nail as he waited.

“Tommy? Hey, it’s Adam,” the voice said and Tommy grinned.

“Hey, man! How’s it goin’?” he asked, kicking his feet absently.

Adam laughed. “It’s good,” he said. “So I was wondering, you remember my friend Brad?”

Tommy snickered. “Yeah, the little guy.”

“Yeah him, anyways, he knows where this really cool party on the beach is gonna be tonight,” Adam said. “I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come hang out? I had a lot of fun yesterday,” he said and Tommy smiled against where he was biting at his nail.

“Yeah, sounds pretty neat, let me ask if I can get off work,” he said, then put a hand over the mouth piece. “Hey, Ma-“

Beulah raised an eyebrow. “Who’s on the phone and why do you need off work?”

Tommy gave her a sheepish look. “I kinda made a friend the other day… we were in jail together then we ended up seeing each other again at a sit-in-“

“Boy what have I said about those damn sit-ins-“

Tommy interrupted. “I know, I know, but we didn’t get arrested this time!” He shook his head. “Anyways, um… could I maybe not come to the bar tonight?” he asked, giving her his best, wide eyed smile. “I promise I’m not going to a rally or a sit-in, just out with a real neat guy.”

Beulah chuckled. “Alright, but if you get your butt thrown in jail, you’re sitting there until tomorrow,” she warned.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “It’s really just a party- OW!” he yelped when Beulah slapped his leg.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. I don’t care how old you are, boy,” she said, though she smiled.

Tommy put the phone back to his ear. “I can come,” he said eagerly.

“Far out!” Adam said. “Alright so, we’re riding with this guy and his girlfriend, where’s your house so we can get you?”

Tommy hesitated. “How about I meet you somewhere downtown?” he offered. “What about out front of that place we went to the other day?”

“That works,” Adam said brightly. “Can you meet us around six o’clock?”

Tommy looked at the clock and saw it was half past three. “Sounds groovy,” he said, grinning down at his knee. “See you then?”

“Later, Tommy!” Adam said as they hung up. Tommy hopped down and put the phone back on the cradle, earning a look from his mother. 

“So, who is this boy? He isn’t going to get you in trouble is he?” she asked and Tommy shook his head.

“His name is Adam. He’s a college student. Not sure what he’s studying, he mentioned a lot, but we spent most of the other afternoon talking about music. He’s a pretty cool cat,” he said and Beulah nodded.

She reached out and grabbed Tommy’s hand. “I like that you’re making friends, Baby,” she said and Tommy grinned. “Just don’t let them get you in trouble, okay?”

Tommy nodded. “I won’t, Ma.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m gonna go get my guitar and put it up so I can get ready and still make the bus into town.”

Beulah just chuckled. “Have fun, Baby. Don’t get in trouble.”

“I won’t!” Tommy called back on his way down the hall.

Tommy raised an eyebrow at the beat up old tin can that pulled up to the curb in front of him. “Tommy!” Adam cried, leaning out the window. “Come on,” he said, leaning back in and opening the door. Tommy laughed and slid in, pulling it shut behind him, glancing at the three in the front seat as he slid in next to Adam, who was in the middle with Brad on the other side. “I’m so glad you could come,” Adam said, grabbing his arm. “Brad, you remember, Tommy?”

Brad leaned around Adam and waved. “Hey Tommy!”

Adam nodded at the front. “This is Richie and his girlfriend Joni, then that’s my brother… don’t worry about him,” Adam said and Tommy laughed at the offended look the guy right ahead of him shot back. 

“Hey, I’m Neil,” the kid said and Tommy waved.

“I’m Tommy,” he offered. “So do all of you go to school with Adam?” he asked, looking around.

Adam nodded. “Yeah, except my brother doesn’t start until September. He’s just eighteen,” he said.

Tommy grinned. “I never even asked you how old you are.”

Adam grinned. “Twenty, what about you? You look about fifteen,” he teased and Tommy elbowed him playfully. “No really?”

“Twenty-one,” he said, then waved his hands playfully. “I can officially vote now!”

Adam sighed. “I can’t wait until I can vote but until then I’ll stick with protest and rallies to make myself heard.”

Brad nodded. “Yeah, we met Tommy cause he was tossed in jail with us last week,” he explained.

Neil turned back. “Oh were you at the anti-war rally too? Our mom was so pissed when she had to come all the way into the city to bail Adam out.”

Tommy shook his head, pushing his bangs back. “No, I was at the sit-in downtown. Two days later I ran into Adam there again and we ran off to keep from getting arrested a second time,” he said, sharing a grin with Adam. “I’ve never even been on a college campus,” he dismissed.

“Far out, I was down there this morning!” Neil said. “They’d stopped arresting people this far into it.”

Tommy chuckled. “Man, I wanted to go back but my Ma would have my ass, man. Twenty-one or not, she’d probably beat the living crap out of me,” he said with a giggle. “I’ve been arrested twice this summer now and they tell me every time I come home to stop going back to rallies and sit-ins, but for once I’m gonna listen before they lock me in my room or something.”

Neil nodded. “Yeah, I still live at home while this bum lives on campus. If I get locked up our mother might tie me to her skirt so I can’t get out of her sight,” he joked.

“I had to promise Ma I wasn’t gonna get in trouble tonight,” Tommy began. “So ya’ll better not make me a liar.”

Joni giggled. “No worries, man, no trouble to be had tonight, just some fun.”

Tommy nodded, settling back. “Good.”

Tommy clapped along, laughing with everybody as Joni danced around, scarf in her hands as she whirled it around, dancing around the fire to the tune some guy was playing on his guitar across from them. Joni came over and grabbed Adam, tugging him up. “Come on!” She cried, pulling him into dancing with her. Tommy fell over against Brad, laughing with him as they saw Adam’s goofy grin when he caught Joni’s waist and spun her around a few times before drunkenly stumbling and falling, barely moving his knee to keep from hitting Joni when she fell on top of him.

“Hey, hands off my woman!” Richie called, prompting whistles and jeers. 

Adam giggled and shoved Joni up on her feet before standing up, kicking some sand as he got his balance. “Keep her, man, I sure don’t want your girl,” he teased, earning a swat to the arm from Joni. He stumbled back over and landed in the sand beside Tommy and Brad’s log, sitting on his knees by Tommy’s feet. “Hey Tommy! Joe is your name, right?” he asked, then smiled excitedly, eyes wide. “Ooh can I call you Tommy Joe?!”

Tommy giggled. “Yeah, my family calls me Tommy Joe. My parents call us all both names a lot of the time.”

Brad bumped him. “What’re your sisters’ names? It’s sisters, right?”

Tommy nodded. “My older sister is Missouri Jane and my baby sister is Kittie Belle,” he said and Brad beamed.

“BELL! Like me!” he cheered.

Tommy just snickered. “You seem more drunk than you should be.”

Adam nudged him. “Cause Brad’s tiny, he can’t hold his liquor,” he said, and Tommy nudged him back.

“Yeah and you can? Or have you been hitting a little something extra?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Brad leaned over Tommy’s lap and looked at Adam closer. “I think he’s been holding out on us,” he said, and Tommy grinned when Adam gave him a way too innocent expression.

Tommy faked a gasp. “Why Adam!”

Adam cracked and snorted, falling against Tommy’s knees. “Alright, Stevie may possibly have some Mary Jane,” he admitted, nodding across the fire.

Brad gasped. “Hey, share!” He hopped up and ran off, looking for Stevie.

Adam smirked, then pulled a joint out of his pocket. “Wanna share?” he asked and Tommy laughed.

“Hell yeah, gimme!” 

Adam glanced around. “Come on, let’s get out of here so we don’t have to share,” he said, standing. 

Tommy drained his beer and stood up, leaving the bottle. “Groovy, c’mon,” he said, laughing when Adam stumbled in the soft sand some as they headed away from the fire. “Dude, sure you need anymore?” he teased, catching his elbow.

Adam scoffed. “I’m not that loaded!” he denied. They headed over to the dunes and found a more solid spot to sit. Adam lit the joint and then passed to Tommy, who nodded and took a hit. Adam giggled. “I’m glad you came, you’re a fun cat,” he said and Tommy grinned up at him.

“I haven’t really done a party since high school, man, glad you invited me.” He looked up at the moon and grinned. “Man, it’s pretty tonight. Sometimes late at night, when I can’t sleep, I sit outside our house and play my guitar and look at the sky,” he admitted.

Adam tilted his head. “You have trouble sleeping?”

Tommy nodded. “All the time, man. I just have so many things in my head all the time. I just get sad sometimes, you know?” he said and Adam nodded, cringing.

“I know all about that. You can really think when you’re trying to sleep, huh?” He took another hit and passed the joint to Tommy. “I just never fit in. Things are better in college, I found a few places I can fit in, but I worry all the time what people would say if they knew everything about me.”

Tommy groaned. “All the time, man. Seriously, I haven’t fit in a day in my life. Even with the people who are at rallies with me, I’ve tried to make friends before but I STILL end up getting treated weird when they find out the truth about me. My boss doesn’t even know,” he said softly, taking a hit before laying back on his elbows. “Then people look at me funny in my neighborhood and around my family.”

Adam gave him a curious look, eyes full of something Tommy couldn’t decipher. “What secrets could you have that are so bad like that?” he asked and Tommy hesitated.

“I don’t know, Adam,” Tommy mumbled. “I like you and I don’t want you to look at me weird,” he mumbled, offering him the joint. “I just don’t want you to think different of me,” he said, giving Adam a pleading look.

Adam bit his lip. “I definitely get how you feel,” he said softly. He looked at the joint and held it up. “You want the rest?”

Tommy shook his head. “You can have it, your Mary Jane,” he said and Adam smirked suddenly.

“Share?” he asked and Tommy raised an eyebrow but chuckled.

“I’m not sitting up for it,” he said lazily, watching Adam take the last drag. Adam leaned over and Tommy obediently opened his mouth to breath in what Adam blew out, only to freeze when Adam’s lips brushed his. He stayed still, eyes wide when Adam pulled back some. They both stared at each other looking somewhat afraid and, before Tommy’s brain really caught up, Adam closed the space again, pressing his lips to Tommy’s on purpose this time. Tommy sat frozen, unresponsive but not stopping Adam as he kissed him slowly. Eventually he gasped, choking on air. It was enough that he dropped back onto the ground, eyes wide as he stared up at Adam. “What the hell was THAT?” he demanded weakly.

Adam’s cheeks had to be blazing because Tommy could see his flush in the darkness. He sat up quickly, backing away from Tommy some. “Oh God, I’m sorry,” Adam squeaked. “I just- I thought- It sounded like you were-“ He groaned, putting his face in his hands. “It sounded like you were talking about the same thing as me and-“

“You’re a queer?!” Tommy asked, eyes wide.

Adam flinched, looking away. “I thought you were too,” he mumbled, looking down at his hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to do that, oh God don’t tell anybody!” He looked up, fear in his eyes. “Please, please don’t say anything, most of my friends don’t know and they’ll call me names and they might tell more people and-“

Tommy shushed him quickly, waving a hand. “Shh, shh it’s okay! Adam, hush, I’m not gonna say anything!” He reached out and grabbed Adam’s hand, eyes wide as he saw Adam’s shoulders hitching. “Hey, no, don’t do that-“  
Adam let out a sob. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Tommy,” he cried, shaking as he curled his knees to his chest. “I- I had too much to drink and-“

“Adam, calm down,” Tommy said, shifting to face him. “Somebody will hear,” he said. Adam froze, looking around worriedly. 

Adam looked at Tommy rubbing his hand and looked up at him. “Why- why aren’t you mad?” he asked in a tiny voice.

Tommy opened his mouth then let it snap shut. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. He sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “It just… I don’t know if I should be mad,” he decided, shoulder slumping as he slid his fingers into Adam’s. “Nobody should be picked on or called names or hurt for being different,” he said pointedly. “I’ve lived my whole life angry at people who treat someone like dirt just because they aren’t the same. It doesn’t seem right to do that to somebody else. I’ve been angry for so long at people who say shit to people who are different and I can’t be angry at you for being different.”

Adam frowned. “Why are you so angry? You seem like it’s really personal for you but I don’t get it. I mean, I assume you mean racists and I agree, but you and me… no matter how much we get angry at it, we’re not colored-“

“But my family is,” Tommy said, looking up with hurt eyes.

Adam stared, blue eyes as wide as Tommy had seen them. “OH… Oh so that’s what you meant when- before I-“ He flushed and Tommy snickered at how red his face got.

“Yeah, it’s my ‘secret’,” he said softly. He looked at Adam’s hand back in his, stroking his thumb along it. “My family is black. My mama, my daddy. My sisters. I live in Compton. Daddy’s bar is a blues club that colored people frequent. My best friend is a colored boy I went to school with. Pretty much my whole life, apart from my own skin, is black,” he said, voice tight. “Mama found me abandoned in a train station the night I was born. I was only a few hours old, she reckoned. Some woman had a baby and just left it laying on the floor and walked off,” he said with a small smile. “Missouri was only a year old. Ma was there with Missouri to pick Pop up coming home from the War. He didn’t even try to talk her out of it when she said she was taking me home with them, he knew she wasn’t gonna hand over the little baby in her arms for nothin’. They took me home and raised me like I was theirs. They’re my parents. Missouri and Kittie have never known not having me as their brother.” He swallowed hard, brow furrowing. 

“But real early I learned I wasn’t the same. At school, white boys called Missouri names. We were in the same class cause we’re close enough in age and I’d get so angry I’d hit them. None of them could understand why a boy the same color as them fought them for talking about some black girl, you know?” He shook his head. “It’s always been that way. It still is,” he admitted with a broken whimper. “Nobody in the neighborhood other than John and a few old folks really look at me like I’m not strange. At the bar we always get wise guys making cracks about having a ‘white boy’ around. The fucked up mouth I had when you met me?” He looked up at Adam. “The man who called my sister easy said ‘you so easy you get with a white boy’. I’m always ‘that white boy’. Then when I’m in public with my sisters outside the neighborhood people whisper about that ‘negro girl following the white boy’.” He shook his head, blinking. “So I can’t be angry at you cause I know what it’s like to never fit in. Never. I never have. I don’t know if I ever will.”

Adam shared a sad but understanding look. “Just like me,” he said and Tommy nodded. 

Tommy snorted, laughing suddenly. “Besides,” he muttered with a shake of his head. “I’d be a fucking liar if I said I didn’t like you kissing me,” he admitted, grinning apologetically. 

Adam groaned, shaking his head as he squeezed Tommy’s hand. “I’m so sorry about that. I was just feeling good and thought the way you were talking that you were like me. I had a little ‘extra’ courage and you’re so pretty I just thought it was a good idea,” he said, waving his free hand.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty, huh?” he asked and Adam giggled.

“Well you are!” He bit his lip. “I’m not trying to make a pass at you again, but you’re beautiful, Tommy Joe,” he said softly. “You’ve got the most beautiful face and you’re a real cool head.”

Tommy shared a look with Adam and ducked his eyes bashfully when he saw the look in Adam’s eyes. He’d noticed it before, but only now recognized as what it truly was. “You’re not the opposite of a fox yourself, Adam,” he mumbled, glancing up when Adam froze. “Is that normal?” he asked nervously. “Thinking you’re handsome?”

Adam blushed. “I don’t know, I’ve never really liked girls at all, so I don’t know what is or isn’t normal for boys that aren’t like me.”

Tommy bit his lip and looked at Adam’s lips, remembering how it felt. “Adam, if this doesn’t work, can we just play it off to me being loaded?” he asked and Adam looked up, frowning.

“If what doesn’t work-“ Adam froze, eyes wide when Tommy stood on his knees and leaned in, using the hand in Adam’s to balance as he curled his hand around Adam’s neck and pressed their lips together. Tommy closed his eyes when Adam relaxed and kissed back. Tommy moaned softly when Adam licked into his mouth and curled his free arm around Tommy’s waist. By the time the kiss broke, Tommy’s hand was tangled in Adam’s hair and Adam’s fingertips were creeping up the back of his shirt. “Wow,” Adam panted. and Tommy sat back, breathing hard.

Tommy touched his lip and looked up at Adam. “I’d say that worked,” he said shakily, biting at his bottom lip experimentally. “I-“ He blushed and looked down. “A kiss has never felt like that before,” he said softly.

Adam gave him a small, nervous smile. “I’m not sure a kiss has ever felt like that for me either,” he said. Tommy laughed softly.

“Wow, I didn’t know this about myself,” he said, eyes full of fear and wonder.

Adam sighed. “I did. I have for as long as I can remember,” he admitted.

Tommy smiled sadly. “You really _never_ liked girls?”

Adam shook his head. “God no. I was so scared when I’d see a cute boy at school and my palms got sweaty. I was so sure somebody would see me and know. I heard about what happened to guys like me and I was so scared I’d end up the same way. I didn’t want to get beat up or even killed,” he whispered fearfully. “I still worry some, but at college… I don’t know, it isn’t _as_ big of a deal.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “There are people who know?”

“No- well, Brad does. And my brother always has, I just didn’t know he knew about me until recently,” he clarified. “But I mean… there are these underground parties. I’ve never been, but apparently a lot of people know about them. Parties for people like me, or girls who like other girls, or sometimes boys that like to wear girl clothes. A lot of the kinds of people who come to peace rallies are the kind who know about these parties and don’t really care.” He shook his head. “Nobody talks about it in the open, I mean, guys still get beat up for that sort of thing, but it’s not as bad as it was in high school.” He shrugged. “I’m still too scared. And I don’t think I really want to go to some of them, the things that go on kinda freak me out,” he admitted, blushing. “Brad said he heard some of them are at whorehouses like you see on westerns and stuff, only the real version.”

Tommy bit his lip. “Is Brad…” He trailed off and Adam nodded. “So wait, are you guys-“ He flushed. “I mean is he going to be mad about… you know,” he gestured between them.

Adam chuckled and shook his head. “We were,” he admitted. “But not anymore. I got too scared about people finding out, and he’s braver. He wanted to tell our friends.” He shrugged. “Besides, we’re better best friends than… boyfriends,” he said, making a face at the world. “Man I’ve never said that out loud cause I’ve never talked about it with anybody but Brad.”

Tommy blushed. “I’ve never had a girlfriend because the only girl that ever liked me was black and she said her daddy couldn’t ever find out about me,” he said and Adam sighed.

“Things really stink sometimes, huh?” he asked, pouting adorably as he dug at the sand. “I’m so tired of being scared all the time,” he said softly.

Tommy laid back on the sand with a huff. “You’re telling me. I’m tired of being so _angry_ at so many things.” He looked up at Adam, who nodded. “You don’t have to be scared of me telling, though. I mean, I’d have to tell how I knew even if I was a jerk like that. But I wouldn’t tell anyways.”

Adam smiled and laid down beside Tommy, shoulders touching as they both looked up at the sky. “I think you’re a really good person, Tommy Joe,” he said, nudging Tommy’s wrist. “I’ve never met anybody as accepting as you are. You make me feel like one day more people will be like you and I won’t have to be so scared.”

Tommy smiled and slid his hand into Adam’s between them. “You’re the only person I’ve ever talked to about this stuff, Adam. You’re a pretty sweet guy to be open with me and let me be open with you.” He laid his head against Adam’s shoulder. “And you shouldn’t have to be scared because one day everything will be okay. I’m kinda scared too now, because I really liked kissing you, but it just makes me even more determined to try and fix this place so we don’t have to be scared.” He smiled gently. “One day, Adam, nobody will have to be scared of something that isn’t their fault.”

Adam closed his eyes, leaning his head sideways against Tommy’s. “You kinda make me believe it,” he whispered.

Tommy turned and pressed his lips to Adam’s ear. “‘Cause it’s true.”

The entire ride back into the city, Adam and Tommy held hands on the seat between their thighs where nobody would see it in the dark. They carried on conversation with the whole car, but every once in a while, one of them would squeeze the other’s hand and they would share a secretive little smile. When Tommy was dropped off at the bus stop, Adam promised to call him again and they shared one more smile before Tommy got out.

That night, Tommy fell asleep with fears and excitement running through is head, thinking about how scary it was to admit to a side of him that thought men were handsome, how nervous he was about seeing Adam again, but also how excited he was to think that there was someone out there that thought he was pretty and liked to kiss him. When he touched his lips, he could still feel that strange, new, wonderful spark that he’d felt when he and Adam kissed. He hadn’t felt that with Lucille, the girl he’d snuck around with two summers ago before she told him she was too scared of her daddy finding out to see him anymore. He’d thought lazy afternoons kissing until their lips were raw was pretty damn nice, but even that had nothing on that one kiss with Adam.

The next couple of days Tommy went between being scared of this new discovery and eager to see Adam again. He liked him, no matter what Adam had shown him about himself. Adam was easy to talk to. Tommy felt an inexplicable draw to him that made Adam seem like a trustworthy friend if nothing else. He wanted to see him again but he was also dreading the phone call asking to hang out because he had no idea what he would say. How was he meant to talk to a man who kissed him without tripping over his words? Even worse, how would he look Adam in the face and not blush like a school girl? He felt more unsure of himself than he had in a long time. He could tell Missouri, at least, had noticed he was off, but he hoped she didn’t notice anything else he couldn’t just put down to work or new friends.

When Adam did call, Tommy eagerly agreed to plans to come to an anti-war rally on the campus. He had never gone to one, most of them were on the college campuses and he hadn’t known anybody before, but he was definitely on the side of stopping the war. After he got off work at the garage, he went over to the campus and, sure enough, there was a _big_ protest going on in the square out front of the main administrative building. He wandered around a little while before he spotted Adam and Brad, as well as Neil, all standing around watching a guy with a bullhorn talking about something Tommy couldn’t make out. He walked up and Neil was the first to spot him, waving. 

Adam turned and beamed. “Tommy Joe!” He threw up a hand and waved. “Just in time! This cat’s giving a righteous speech!” He pulled Tommy over in front of him so that Tommy could see past Adam and Neil.

After a few minutes, Tommy glanced back. “Am I supposed to be hearing any of this?” he asked and Adam laughed.

“I think his bullhorn is dying, but it’s the thought that we’re listening that counts,” he said and Brad nodded in mock seriousness.

“We’re totally behind whatever the hell he’s saying, that’s what matters,” he said, and Tommy laughed with him when he cracked up.

When people around them cheered at something the guy said, Tommy shared a giggle with Brad but threw his fist up and shouted, “RIGHT ON!” even if he had no idea what the hell the cat was saying.

Eventually the guy finally said something that had the students closer to him start a march towards the build that housed the dean’s office. When people started chanting, they finally made out what the guy had said: “MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR! MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!”

Tommy and Neil shared a glance before cracking up, hanging onto each other as they doubled over in laughter. Brad however, shrugged and tossed up his hands. “Hey, if ever there was a movement to join, sounds like that’s the one!” he said, then jumped in place and joined the chant. Adam and Tommy shrugged at each other, then joined in with the group, dragging Neil along with them as he continued to laugh harder than anybody had seen in a long time.

After the rally, they all went to a diner, laughing most of the time about things they had seen and done that afternoon. “And then that girl took off her shirt and ran around!” Brad added, falling over against Neil as he laughed to the point of wheezing. “Oh God, amazing.”

Tommy looked up at the clock and sighed. “Well guys, looks like this is where I leave you,” he said and they all made noises.

“Aww, work?” Adam asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, gotta head on out,” he said, pulling out some money for his share of the food. “I had fun, thanks for a wild time.” 

“It’s getting dark, at least let me walk you to the bus stop,” Adam said, sliding out after him. He looked at Neil and Brad. “I’ll be back, don’t you dare go without me.”

Neil snickered. “No promises, slow ass,” he said, shoving at Adam’s hand when he went to ruffle his hair. 

“Jerk,” Adam said, then rolled his eyes and nodded to the door. “Come on, you’re little like Brad, wouldn’t want you getting jumped on the way to the bus stop.”

“I HEARD THAT!” Brad called after them, making them both giggle their way out the door.

Tommy shook his head. “Your friend and your brother are my favorite people now,” he said and Adam snickered.

“Aww, should I be jealous?” he asked, grinning down at Tommy as they fell into step heading towards the bus stop down the block.

Tommy ducked his eyes bashfully. “I don’t know, you’re not so bad,” he muttered, looking down at his feet as he put his hands in his pockets.

Adam looked down at Tommy’s adorably awkward little shuffle and blushed slightly. “You’re not too bad yourself, Tommy Joe.” When they got to the bus stop, they sat on the bench together, both pretty quiet. “What’re you thinking about?” Adam asked, and Tommy glanced up at him, biting his lip.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Adam,” Tommy admitted in a serious, somewhat frightened tone. “Even before what happened the other night… Pretty much since we spent the afternoon talking that day, I think about you all the time.”

Adam cleared his throat, looking down. “And after the other night?” he asked, glancing up to see Tommy’s cheeks color under the street light. “Tommy?”

Tommy looked up at him with an open expression that painted everything he needed to say across it. “I want to kiss you again, and that scares me.” He pulled his fingers to his mouth, nipping at the skin around his nails nervously. “I never- I never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my life but I know I shouldn’t want to kiss you. It’s- nobody can know how I feel.”

Adam pulled his hand away from his mouth. “Stop biting yourself,” he said gently, not releasing Tommy’s wrist but rather sliding his hand into Tommy’s discreetly between them on the bench. “And I know,” he whispered, fear in his eyes too. “I keep thinking about you and about kissing you. It was… different. Even if I’ve been with a boy before, it was different.”

Tommy shivered as Adam’s thumb brushed the inside of his wrist. “God, do you see what you do to me?” he mumbled and Adam smiled slyly.

“I kind of like it,” he said, then chuckled. “Not that I’m any better off. “ He sighed and shook his head, shoulders slumping. “What do we do?” he asked weakly.

Tommy laughed weakly, hopelessness in his eyes. “Hell if I know.” He squeezed Adam’s hand. “I want to see you again, but I know it’s safer to see you with friends.”

Adam ducked his head. “If- if I told you I wanted to see you, but just the two of us, would it be bad?”

Tommy shook his head. “No, because I want it. I want to spend time with you. I want to spend hours talking about things like I know I could. But I want to kiss you so bad, Adam,” he groaned. “I don’t want to do something stupid.”

Adam gave him a small, hopeful little look. “What if we go to the beach? It’s real public so we won’t do anything foolish, but crowded enough nobody will think twice about us going just us.”

Tommy smiled up at him. “Think we could? I don’t swim or anything, but I’d like to go hang out in the sun, just us.” He nodded. “And you’re right, too many people to do something dumb.”

Adam nodded. “So I can call you?” he asked eagerly, and Tommy nodded, a warmer smile on his face this time. “Neat.”

Tommy nudged their shoulders together. “We can do this. We can be friends,” he said, and Adam nodded with a determined light in his eyes.

“Definitely.”

“I’m heading out,” Tommy said on his way past his parents on the porch, jogging down the steps as he pulled his shades down over his eyes.

“Hang on, Tommy!” He stopped and turned back to where his father had come to stand at the top of the steps. “Son, who are these people you keep going around with all of a sudden?” he asked suspiciously.

Tommy shrugged. “Just some guys I met. Two of them go to college and one is one of them’s little brother. They’re just some neat fellas, is all.”

Henry raised an eyebrow. “They ain’t gonna get you in trouble are they?” he asked and Beulah sucked her teeth behind him.

“Henry, let the boy have some fun!” she chastised, then nodded to him from where she sat. “You go have some fun with your friends, Baby. I’m glad to see you with boys your age besides just John,” she encouraged, and Tommy smiled.

“Thanks, Ma,” he said, then nodded. “It’s alright, Pops, it’s not like I’m doing anything bad.”

Henry chuckled. “You weren’t doing anything ‘bad’ when you got in jail the last two times now were you?” he teased. “Alright, go on and have fun. If you don’t make it back in time to play tonight, don’t worry about it. Spend some time with your friends,” he said and Tommy nodded.

“Thanks, later!” he called as he headed down to the sidewalk, walking with an excited bounce in his step the whole way to the bus stop.

Tommy couldn’t remember having more fun spending a whole afternoon basically laying in the sun, occasionally walking, a couple of minutes chasing each other like little kids, and talking. Around sunset they headed to the pier to get something to eat and look at some of the carnival games and then stood watching the sun setting on the horizon while sipping Cokes. They carried on more conversation about absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time. By the time the sun went down, everybody had left the beach and the only people were on the pier, so nobody was around while they walked back towards a lot at the other end of the beach where Adam had parked his mom’s car. On the way back, Adam talked Tommy into taking off his shoes again and walking where the sand was wet.

“Ahhh, it’s cooold!” Tommy cried, jumping when the waves pushed cool water up over his feet. “Aw hell, why did I let you talk me into this?” he asked, giggling as he leapt away from the water.

Adam laughed at Tommy’s little dance away from the waves, doubling over. “Oh man, the way you’re flailing around!” he choked out through his laughs, yelping when Tommy shoved him towards the waterline so that his feet got wet. “AH! IT IS COLD!” he yelped, running up the beach to where Tommy was on the dry sand. “That was not cool!” he cried, shoving Tommy playfully.

Tommy cackled and shoved him back. “Serves you right! You talked me into it in the first place,” he said, only to squeal when Adam shoved him a little harder this time. “ADAM!” he screeched, hanging onto Adam’s wrist when he stumbled, only to have Adam yell out as he unexpectedly went with Tommy’s momentum and they both fell into the sand, rolling to a stop with Tommy’s knee in Adam’s gut and Adam’s hand hitting Tommy in the face.

“Oh shit,” Adam groaned, grabbing his middle and pushing Tommy off of him.

“Owww,” Tommy whined, touching his cheek. He gave Adam a half-hearted glare. “You hit me,” he accused. Adam rolled his eyes.

“Yeah well, you kicked my side,” he said, sitting up with a whine. “My poor gut.”

Tommy scoffed. “If my cheekbone bruises my parents will think I was fighting again,” he said, flopping back into the sand. “You broke me,” he teased.

Adam laughed at Tommy’s dramatics then leaned over him. “Let me see, you girl.” He pulled Tommy’s hand back and reached out to slide his fingers along Tommy’s cheek, watching for him to react when he found where he suspected a bruise. However, instead of wince away from a bruise, as soon as Adam’s fingers touched his face, Tommy _froze_ eyes flying open, only to give a shiver that had nothing to do with the ocean breeze and everything to do with Adam stroking his cheek. Adam froze when Tommy’s eyes fluttered shut. When Tommy opened his eyes again, Adam couldn’t help but fully cup Tommy’s face in his hand, thumb sliding along his smooth, beautiful cheekbone.

“Adam,” Tommy breathed and Adam leaned down, one hand braced in the sand beside Tommy as he pressed his lips to Tommy’s with a soft moan. Tommy tensed but then _melted_ into the touch, reaching up to grab hold of Adam’s shirt, kissing back tentatively. At the first touch of Adam’s tongue to his bottom lip, Tommy groaned, opening for him. He half pulled Adam on top of him, tangling one hand in his shirt and the other in the hair at the back of his head. “ _Adam_ ,” he breathed.

Adam lowered himself until he was lying alongside Tommy, one elbow bracing himself over Tommy as their kiss deepened. “God, Tommy,” he moaned, sliding his hand to Tommy’s waist, pulling him closer as their kisses grew hotter. It was only the feeling of Adam’s nails digging into Tommy’s waist through his shirt that startled him into pulling back, eyes wide in shock. Adam froze when Tommy did, looking down at him worriedly. “Shit, I’m sorry!” he said, pulling his hand away. He sat up and sat back on his knees, allowing Tommy up. “Tommy-“

Tommy shook his head. “No,” he said, then sighed. “Don’t apologize, okay?” He rolled his eyes and leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Adam’s lips. “I like kissing you. I do. It may damn well be my favorite thing,” he said, smiling as he pressed their noses together, looking into Adam’s fearful eyes. “Adam, I want to be with you. Today was supposed to prove we can just be friends and all it proved is that I want you the way boys are supposed to want a girl.”

Adam sighed. “Tommy it’s dangerous-“

“Fuck other people, Adam.” He tipped their lips together sweetly. “Tell me you only want me as a friend, and I’ll let you have that and I won’t push it.”

Adam swallowed hard, brow furrowing as he closed his eyes. “I want you the way I should want a steady,” he admitted, though it looked like it took a lot out of him to speak those words. “I want to hold you. I want to kiss you. I want to curl my arms around you and never let go. I want to touch you. I want to be with you every way possible, Tommy,” he all but forced out, his throat tight with fear and worry.

Tommy pulled back and grinned. “I can be your steady,” he said playfully. Adam didn’t smile, and Tommy stood on his knees, wrapping his arms around Adam’s neck to hug him. “You can hold me. You can kiss me. I wish you could curl your arms around me and never let me go.” He shivered slightly. “God I want your touch, because your hands are electricity on my skin.” He swallowed. “It’s scary, and we have to be so careful, but I want to be with you, Adam. I will be whatever you want from me because I’ve never met anybody like you, Adam Lambert.” He leaned up to kiss Adam’s forehead. “You make me feel like I belong somewhere.”

Adam groaned, pulling Tommy into a full, proper hug. “You’re so perfect, why can’t I say no? Why can’t I tell you it’s too dangerous and risky?”

Tommy shrugged. “Because you want it, too.”

Adam looked into his eyes and smiled with something akin to hope in his eyes. “I want you, Tommy. Just you.”

Tommy grinned and nodded. “Good, ‘cause I want you, too.”

Tommy was originally going to just take the bus home, but Adam offered to drive him. Rather than want to hide his neighborhood from Adam the way he did most people, he wanted that little while longer with Adam. The whole drive, their conversation never lagged, apart from when a song came on the radio that Adam wanted to sing.

Tommy _loved_ listening to Adam sing. He had never heard anything like it. Adam’s voice was smooth as suede and clear as water. Only some of the best lady jazz singers had a voice as clear and soulful as Adam’s, but never before had Tommy heard a voice like his on a man. When “Cry Me A River” finished playing, Tommy just sighed, leaning his head back with what he knew had to be a dopey smile on his face. “I have to get you to sing for my guitar sometime,” he said. Adam giggled.

“I’m finding it so funny how much you seem to like my voice. I mean, I know I can sing but it’s just a voice,” he said modestly. “I just like to sing along to records and the radio.”

Tommy scoffed. “If somebody with the means heard you singing, people would be beating down the doors to record stores and ringing the phones off the wall at the radio station to hear your songs,” he said and Adam laughed.

“Whatever you say, Tommy Joe,” he said, reaching over to slide his hand into Tommy’s on the seat between them, squeezing his fingers. “As long as you think I sing nice, that’s enough for me.”

Tommy grinned. “You’re in luck then! I think your voice is beautiful.” He hummed a little tune. “I really do have to get you and my guitar in the same place though. You have no idea how bad I wanna play and have you sing.”

Adam bit his lip but then grinned, nodding. “I’d like that,” he said softly. When they got outside of Tommy’s house, Tommy saw that his parents car wasn’t in the carport. “Anybody home?” he asked and Tommy shook his head.

“No, but they’ll be home soon, so I won’t be here alone too long or anything,” he said and Adam nodded.

“That’s good. I mean, it seems like a quiet enough neighborhood,” he said, looking around the street. “But you can never be too safe.”

Tommy smirked, sliding across the seat. “Just in case there’s suddenly a rash of burglaries,” he started, then leaned in to kiss Adam. “Never know, a robber might knock me off,” he joked against Adam’s lips.

Adam moaned softly, sliding his arm around Tommy’s shoulders. “Better make the most of our potential last few minutes then, huh?” he asked, rolling his eyes before kissing him again. “You ham.”

“You like it,” Tommy mumbled against his lips. “God, Adam,” he moaned.

Adam hummed in response and kissed him harder, siding his fingers along the back of Tommy’s neck just to feel him shiver. After only a few minutes kissing, the glow of headlights coming down the street lit up the house across from them. Tommy and Adam pulled apart, and Tommy glanced back. Adam flattened his hair, straightening himself out some. “Parents?” he asked. Tommy nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, they’ll think we just drove up, no worries,” he said, straightening himself out. He watched the car pull into the driveway behind them and smiled. “Alright, thanks for a groovy afternoon,” he said, sharing a small, secretive grin with Adam. “Goodnight.” He touched Adam’s hand before opening the door to get out. “Easy!” he called, waving as Adam pulled away.

“You just getting back, Tommy Joe?” Kittie called from the driveway.

Tommy turned back and schooled his expression into something that didn’t look like he’d had more amazing kisses in one night than probably in all his life before. He nodded, heading over. “Yeah, we went to the pier,” he said as he ran up to the porch, more than delighted at his successful evasion of the truth without lying to his sister.

“Did you have a good time, Baby?” Beulah asked as she came up the steps. Tommy smiled brightly.

“Yes, ma’am, we had a lot of fun,” he said, and she smiled, patting his back.

“Well I’m glad you’ve got a nice friend, Tommy,” she said, leading him inside, where Tommy chuckled and nodded.

“Me too, Ma.”

Later, when Tommy was lying in bed waiting for sleep to take him, he couldn’t stop smiling as he replayed his kisses with Adam over and over again. He could only hope this was the start of something amazing.

Tommy grinned when he got in, and John stood up. “About time you showed up!” he called out, grinning. “How many times you gone skip out on playing?” he asked as Tommy came over and hopped onto the stage.

“Sorry, man,” Tommy said, grabbing the guitar case from behind John and sitting down to open it. “Just been going out more lately.”

“Where you been getting off to, boy?” Old man Jenkins asked as he hobbled up to the piano. “I asked your mama and she said you ain’t sick.” Tommy smiled.

“Just met some friends, is all,” he said. “They all go to college, so they’ve got me going places I don’t usually go.”

John smirked. “Your mama wants you looking for a girl, doesn’t she?” he teased. “You’re twenty-one, she’s trying to set you up with a lady.”

Tommy blushed but shook his head. “No, I think she’s just glad to see me making friends.” He nudged John. “You ain’t good for nothin’ so I need replacements,” he joked, earning a good-natured round of laughs.

Joe sat down next to Tommy and lowered his voice. “These cats know?” he asked, nodding at Beulah behind the bar.

Tommy bit his lip. “One does. He’s a pretty cool cat. I think the others will be okay with it, but he’s the one I met the others through, you know?”

John grinned. “Well it’s good you’re not getting in trouble anymore,” he said. Tommy cringed.

“I met two of them in jail,” he admitted, and John burst out laughing.

“Oh lord, boy, you’re going to end up in the big house someday,” he said, shoving Tommy playfully, earning a big smile in return.

“Yeah yeah, shut up and tune your instrument,” Tommy said, shoving him back amiably.

Tommy put down the phone on the counter and headed into the living room. “Hey Ma!” he called, hopping onto the couch, looking at her on his knees. “Friday night the guys are going to camping up in the hills, is it alright if I go with them?” he asked with a hopeful look on his face.

Beulah raised an eyebrow. “You’re going camping? You’ve never been in nature,” she said. He shrugged.

“Sounds fun, though. Sitting around a campfire, playing my guitar, just having a few beers with the guys. Would be nice to at least try it,” he said, and she laughed.

“Well I guess you can’t get in a fight in the woods,” she said, then snickered. “I’ll be laughing come morning knowing your skinny little behind is freezing out there, though,” she said.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “I can take a coat,” he deadpanned and she swatted at his leg.

“Don’t roll them eyes at me,” she said, then nodded. “You will wear a coat, take an extra blanket, and your friends better have a tent, not just sleeping bags. I won’t have my baby coming home sick if it rains,” she warned.

Tommy made a very serious face and saluted. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, then cracked up. “I won’t let a bear eat me either-“

“You better not get eaten by a bear!” she said with a frightened look on her face. “Jesus, boy, you had to go and talk about bears,” she sighed. “So help me, Tommy Joe, if you get eaten by a bear, when I die and come up to join you I will tan your hide right there in front of the Lord.” Tommy bit back a giggle at her claim.

“I’ll be careful, Ma,” he promised, and she nodded.

“Alright, make sure you tell your daddy so he can get somebody to fill in for the band. You know how busy Friday nights are,” she said and Tommy hugged her.

“Thank you!” he hopped up and ran to pick up the phone. “She said yes!” he said triumphantly, wiggling happily as he and Adam made their plans.

Tommy raised is guitar when the car pulled up with Brad hanging out the window. “Woohoo! Tommy Joe’s our one-man band for the night!” Brad cheered.

Tommy slid into the back seat with Adam, passing his backpack in before he slid in, careful of his guitar. “How’s it going, man?” he asked, slapping Brad’s hand over the back of the seat.

Neil glanced at him in the mirror from the driver’s seat. “I was surprised your folks let you come camping, the way you talk about being a city kid.”

Tommy snorted. “My old lady made me _promise_ not to get eaten by a bear or else she’s apparently going to beat my ass right in front of God,” he said, and Brad doubled over.

“Awww, your mom sounds like she really loves you, at least,” he said, and Tommy nodded with a small smile.

“Yeah, my parents are great,” he said bashfully. “Best family ever.”

Adam gave him a knowing smile. “Be glad. Our mom loves me best, our dad loves Neil best, and they’re divorced, so it’s always weird when Dad comes to pick Neil up and take him somewhere.”

Neil groaned. “Be glad you live on campus and can avoid the weirdness. They’re not icy, they’re friendly like neighbors, not people who used to be married, you know? It’s almost weirder than if they were awkward with each other,” he explained for Tommy.

Adam shrugged. “They were married for nineteen years, I guess they are like old friends now that they aren’t married.”

Brad waved a hand. “At least your parents talk to you,” he said, and Tommy frowned.

“You don’t get along with your folks?” he asked sympathetically and Brad groaned, whereas Adam cringed.

“God no. They didn’t want me coming to California to go to college, so I packed up my stuff and just left,” he said, shrugging. “Haven’t spoken to anybody from my family in two years, nearly.” He nodded at Neil. “When we’re out of school and I can’t live on campus, I go stay with them and their mom.”

Tommy looked out the window as their conversation continued, wondering if he could ever do anything bad enough to make his parents stop talking to him. He felt a sinking sensation when he thought about whatever was going on with him and Adam. He wondered if his mama would stop talking to him if she knew. Would his sisters still want to be his sisters? Would his father stop being proud of him? Would they kick him out? Tommy almost felt physically ill at the thought of his parents not wanting him anymore. His parents and sisters were his everything. They were the only people who had loved him always. He was momentarily horrified at the idea of what could happen if they found out about him.

“You okay?” Adam asked softly, catching his attention.

Tommy swallowed hard, looking at Adam. This was the fear Adam had lived with for so long. These were the same things Adam had to think about. He really hated that Adam had ever had to be so scared. He forced a smile and nodded. “I’m fine.”

Adam eyed him suspiciously, then shrugged. “Alright, you just looked kinda pale.”

Tommy fixed a teasing grin onto his lips and gave Adam a pointed look. “You do remember how pale I always am, right?”

Adam laughed. “True, you’re a pale little snowflake,” he teased, poking at his bare arm. “Even my freckled self is darker,” he said, and Tommy just smiled and laughed with him before becoming swept up in the conversation up front.

“So we’re putting up the tents, and _then_ starting a fire,” Brad said. Neil shook his head.

“Fire first.”

Brad glowered. “Tents first. I’m not risking it getting dark before we finish the tents. You can start a fire in the dark but tents aren’t that easy-“

“You can’t see to collect wood in the dark,” Neil argued, smirking when Brad’s glare darkened. “Face it, I’m right, you’re wrong. I’m tall, you’re short. I’m a boy, you’re a girl-“

“I’m going to kill you in your sleep,” Brad threatened, crossing his arms. “Adam, I never did tell you, but I hate your brother.”

Neil chuckled. “Feeling’s mutual, candy ass-“

Brad flipped him off. “Climb it, Tarzan.”

Adam just snickered and stage-whispered to Tommy, “If it ends in bloodshed, we can just steal the car and run for it.”

“Hey!” came twin cries from the front, which only made Tommy laugh even harder.

Tommy sat on the ground next to the fire strumming his guitar as he listened to Adam and Neil fight over sleeping bag arrangement in one of the tents. “Is it normal for them to fight so much?” he asked Brad, who groaned dramatically.

“They. Fight. So. Much!” He shook his head. “You don’t even know, man. They fight over everything. They truly are brothers. They never stop arguing over something-“

“FINE! I’m sharing with Brad!” Neil cried, storming out of the tent and out of the trees into the clearing. “Brad, I’m sharing your tent, Adam refuses to give me half of our tent, you’re tiny, I’ll have more room, problem solved!” he said, sitting down on the log with a huff.

Brad rolled his eyes. “You see what I mean?” he asked Tommy. “They’re fighting because they are grown men and still can’t share.” Brad snickered and shoved Neil. “Fine, you big lump, I’ve got plenty of room.” He looked over. “You okay sharing with Adam? I’m sure you were glad you had the little guy so you’d have room, but Adam shares better with people who aren’t his brother,” he said.

Tommy imagined sleeping in the small tent with Adam and was glad the fire wasn’t bright enough to show his pink cheeks when he nodded. “Yeah, it’s cool,” he said, fighting a tremor in his voice.

Adam came out of the tent with a sleeping bag in his hand and threw it off to the side. “Sleep outside, I’m not giving you more space than me!” Adam shouted to them, and Brad rolled his eyes.

“Come here, we’ve worked it out already!” he called. Adam came into the clearing. “Neil’s sharing with me, I told Tommy he’ll have to share with you.” Adam paused, glancing at Tommy before sitting down, clearly sharing Tommy’s thoughts.

“Oh. Okay then.” He grinned suddenly. “Tommy’s smaller, he’ll take up less room.”

Brad chuckled. “That’s what we figured,” he agreed. “Now, come on! Booze, food, and tunes!” he demanded. “Neil Lambert, you bring me a beer and some marshmallows now! I’m sharing my space with you, feed me,” he commanded. Neil rolled his eye but got up to go get the food from the car. “Now you said you play guitar, give me music!” Brad demanded of Tommy, smiling at him.

Tommy chuckled and pulled his guitar into his lap. “Not sure I’ll know anything popular or recent, but I can play you something,” he said, picking out a tune until a song came to him and he started playing. Before too long, he landed on a song that Adam knew, and, sure enough, Adam jumped in and started singing along. Tommy couldn’t even hide the giant smile he had as he watched Adam sing with rapt attention. He’d wanted nothing more than to hear Adam singing along to his playing and it was just as perfect as he thought it would be. 

Tommy hoped Neil and Brad were sufficiently distracted by their drinks and food so they didn’t notice the goofy grin on his face as he looked at Adam.

While Adam and Neil fought over storing the food properly to keep away animals and Brad banked the fire, Tommy stood out on the ridge, wrapped in his warm, brown coat, gazing at the stars over the hills in the distance. He was so amazed at how many stars there were out in the wilderness. In the city he had never seen so many stars. Everything was clearer in the sky and the air felt cleaner when he breathed it in.

His head was also clearer. He knew nothing could _really_ happen with the others in a tent right near them, but Tommy was nervous about sharing a tent with Adam. He didn’t think Adam would try anything either, but he would be lying if he said he couldn’t easily imagine hands straying when they were _sleeping in the same tent_. He almost hoped Adam would suggest they share a sleeping bag just so he could curl up in Adam’s arms and stay there all night. He was just working on a planned excuse of ‘it got really cold’ to explain it if they were found curled up together in the morning when something cracked next to him.

“It’s really neat, huh?” Tommy jumped, startled when Brad’s voice sounded from right behind him. Brad held up his hands. “Sorry! Wow, you didn’t hear me? You would be dead if I’d been a bear,” he said and Tommy blushed at his jumpiness.

“I was just thinking,” he said honestly.

Brad nodded. “I figured,” he said with a smile. He looked at Tommy for a while and then glanced back at the brothers fighting over food and lowered his voice. “Hey Tommy? Can I ask you something that may sound kinda weird if I’m wrong?” he asked.

Tommy froze, but nodded in spite of his fears. “Yeah I- anything.”

Brad tensed and took a deep breath. “Okay so I hope I’m not wrong about you, but… you know right?” he asked, looking at him curiously. “About Adam?”

Tommy didn’t bother playing a fool. He knew Brad wasn’t stupid, so he just nodded. “Yeah.”

Brad nodded, then looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You know and you’re okay sharing with him. I’m not judging you if you are, and you’re a good friend if you aren’t, but something tells me you’re more than just okay with it,” he said in almost a whisper. He tilted his head. “You and Adam…” he trailed, off but wiggled his eyebrows.

Tommy flushed and swallowed hard, fearful but not looking away. “Maybe,” he muttered. 

Brad frowned. “What is ‘maybe’.”

Tommy took a deep breath and blew it out hard, making his bangs flutter. “We tried just keeping it to friends,” he started and Brad gave him a sympathetic look.

“You really like him, though? It isn’t just finding another boy like you?” he asked and Tommy shook his head, laughing weakly.

“I didn’t know _I_ was a boy like that until Adam,” he said in a tiny little voice, shy and scared, but glad to be able to say it out loud to someone he knew wouldn’t judge him. “He said with you guys, it was what you said, but I didn’t know I had any part of me that was like that until him.”

Brad chuckled. “Oh yeah, Adam is just a friend. We found that out pretty quick,” he said, making a face. “Really though? You aren’t… like us?” he asked, clearly aware Tommy was uneasy with the words.

Tommy shook his head. “Never really thought about it. I kinda realized after Adam kissed me that I’ve definitely noticed other boys before, I just didn’t really connect the dots. I don’t think I had room in my messed up mind for more worries until I had it shoved out into the light.” He shrugged. “But I don’t know if it’s boys or just Adam. I kind of was immediately drawn to him as a friend since the day we spent talking and getting to know each other so I almost think it’s just Adam,” he admitted.

Brad smiled sadly. “I’m sorry for how scary it is,” he said and Tommy sighed, but smiled.

“I’m scared, sure, but I’m more angry than scared. I was angry when Adam realized he read me wrong after kissing me and started crying, because he shouldn’t ever be that scared of being different,” he said honestly. “And I’d lie if I didn’t say I was happy, because I don’t have many friends and Adam’s a great guy. I enjoy having him as a friend.”

Brad eyed him. “But as more?”

Tommy shrugged. “It’s scary, it complicates things, but liking him doesn’t make him any less my friend,” he said resolutely.

Brad just smiled warmly. “I really hope you and Adam can get away with this, because he’s never been happier than when you’re around,” he admitted, making Tommy smile big and bright.

“Really?”

Brad nodded. “Totally.”

Tommy ducked his eyes and smiled. “Well he makes me happy, too.”

Tommy blushed when Brad gave a wicked little grin and wink to him and Adam when they headed to their tent to go to sleep. Adam raised an eyebrow but waited until they’d got inside before he turned and eyed him suspiciously. “What was that about?”

Tommy blushed as he shrugged off his coat. “Oh God, Brad asked me if me and you were- you know,” he waved a hand. “And he worked it out so just now he gave me this look since we were going to the tent together,” he said and Adam blushed just as red, looking away as she shucked his jacket.

“Oh.” He sat down and groaned. “He’ll think we’re up to no good in here,” he said, and Tommy giggled.

“Pretty sure he thinks we’ve already been up to no good many times before,” he pointed out, making Adam snicker while they changed. Tommy awkwardly turned his back when he took off his jeans and pulled on some flannel pants, unsure about changing in front of someone who was a bit more than just a friend. Adam, however, seemed to have no problems at all stripping down to his underpants and pulling on some flannel pants of his own without putting on a shirt. Tommy cleared his throat awkwardly and started unrolling his sleeping bag. “So… do you prefer a side?” he asked, not looking up.

Adam chuckled in a way that made Tommy shiver and crawled over to Tommy. “Don’t act so tense, it isn’t like I’m gonna pounce on you, Tommy Joe,” he said, sliding a hand along Tommy’s forearm. He leaned in and kissed Tommy’s cheek. “We can just go to sleep if you want.”

Tommy looked up into his eyes and shivered slightly. “I really want to just curl up with you and kiss and touch all night, but I don’t think I can be that quiet.”

Adam moaned weakly, then kissed Tommy’s lips quickly. “Maybe if we’re very, very quiet we can kiss a little?” he suggested, stealing one more kiss.

Tommy giggled. “Only if you hold me,” he whispered, and Adam nodded, gesturing to his sleeping bag.

“We can probably both fit,” he said and Tommy smirked.

“No funny business,” he said, unzipping his sleeping bag to use as an extra blanket if they needed it.

Adam snickered. “Hands above the waist, I swear,” he said, earning a giggle as Tommy made his way over to the sleeping bag Adam was sliding in. “See, there’s room,” he said, holding open the bag. 

Tommy slid in, blushing slightly when his wiggling landed him right on top of Adam, pressed together from knees to chests. “Sorry,” he said, moving his elbow from its spot digging into Adam’s middle.

Adam smirked, sliding his arms around Tommy’s middle to hold him when he tried to move. “It’s okay, you’re little,” he said, shifting so that he was flat on his back while he pulled Tommy flat against him. “Okay?”

Tommy bit his lip, but nodded, laying a hand on Adam’s chest. “Sure I’m not crushing you?” he asked. Adam shook his head, reaching one hand up to push Tommy’s hair from his eyes.

“Not at all.” Adam tipped Tommy’s chin up, pecking his lips sweetly. “Alright?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, smiling.

“Yeah,” he said, sliding one hand around Adam’s neck as he closed the space and kissed him, just as tenderly, thumb stroking along Adam’s earlobe as their lips brushed against each other. Adam hummed, deepening their kiss. Tommy shivered as Adam lapped into his mouth, sending sparks down to his fingers and toes. Adam stroked a hand along his back as they kissed, fingers splaying between his shoulder blades before being dragged down to his lower back. Tommy moaned, pressing up into his touch. “Mmmm Adam!” he breathed, whining as he tossed his hair back and arched against Adam, only to gasp when his movement inadvertently pressed their hips together. “Sorry, sorry-“

“Shhhhh,” Adam whispered, curling his arms around Adam as he rolled them around, both of them giggling and shushing the other as they tried to turn without taking the sleeping bag with them. When they landed, both of them were panting from trying to move without making a lot of noise and giggling the whole time. Adam braced himself above Tommy and shushed him. “We have to be quiet-“

“You squeaked!” Tommy giggled, smiling up at him. “It was cute.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “You nearly kneed me, of course I made a noise.” He sighed and looked down at Tommy. “This is difficult,” he groused, and Tommy just smiled up at him. Adam paused as he took in how Tommy looked beneath him. His cheeks were pink from a mix of the cold and the moving around, his hair was tousled, and his smile made his big, brown eyes glow. “Wow.”

“What?” Tommy asked, arching an eyebrow.

Adam lifted one hand and stroked his fingertips gently down Tommy’s face from hairline to jaw. “You’re so pretty.” He leaned in and kissed Tommy again, earning a warm sound as Tommy’s hands curled around his arms on either side of him. Tommy sank into the kiss. He slid his hands from Adam’s arms up to Adam’s shoulders, humming as Adam slid a hand along his side, holding him by the waist as their kisses deepened. Tommy moaned softly, only to jump when Adam’s fingertips slid along the hem of his shirt, warm fingers sliding across his skin. He relaxed, all but purring as he sank his fingers into Adam’s hair. Adam moaned, shivering. “Tommy,” he panted against his mouth, lips shifting to Tommy’s jaw. “God, Tommy.” Tommy caught his lips in a kiss again, tugging him by the hand on the back of his head into a deep, messy kiss once more. Tommy moaned and arched, Adam’s hand on his waist the only thing holding him down. 

It was that same hand that caught Tommy’s attention, breaking the spell after Adam lowered himself until they were touching, and they fell onto their sides, legs tangling as their kissing continued, hot and driven. Adam’s hand slid from Tommy’s waist to his hip, then began to wander slightly towards his crotch. Tommy reached down and caught Adam’s wrist, breaking the kiss. “We should stop,” he breathed, panting softly.

Adam whined. “Shit, sorry,” he said, putting his hand back on Tommy’s waist. “I didn’t mean-“

“I know,” Tommy said, pecking his lips. “I was getting carried away, too.” He slid back just a little, allowing them to breathe. “But really… we should get to sleep. We’re making a little too much noise, anyhow.”

Adam sighed, but smiled bashfully. “You’re right,” he said, taking his hand away from Tommy’s side and reaching up to brush his bangs from his eyes. “Last thing I need is my _brother_ to hear,” he said, making a face.

Tommy giggled, turning to press his lips to Adam’s wrist to muffle the noise. He turned back when the giggles subsided, and he nodded. “Yeah, bad idea.”

Adam smiled a secretive little smile and leaned in, pressing a sweet, innocent little kiss to Tommy’s lips. “Goodnight, Tommy Joe,” he said, and Tommy grinned, sliding so that he could curl an arm around Adam’s waist, laying his head against Adam’s chest.

“Goodnight, Adam,” Tommy muttered, sighing when Adam curled his arms around him, holding him close. Tommy couldn’t fight a smile as he closed his eyes and relaxed into Adam’s arms.

Waking up in Adam’s arms was honestly one of the best things Tommy could remember experiencing. Adam was already awake when Tommy woke up, so he’d opened his eyes to see Adam’s beautiful blue eyes looking right back at him. He had been so warm and comfortable curled up against Adam in their sleeping bag. Adam had played with his hair and pressed kisses all over his face, playfully kissing him fully awake. Not long after they woke up, they heard Neil and Brad moving around the camp and they reluctantly left their tent to go help pack up so they could head home.

The whole ride home, everybody was joking and laughing, even if Brad smirked at Adam and Tommy a little too much, to the point it felt like somewhere Tommy had always belonged even if they hadn’t been friends for very long. The next few days felt like that every time he would meet up with any of the other three just to go get sodas or have lunch. Sometimes it was all three of them, sometimes only two, and sometimes he went to kick back with either Brad or Neil without Adam being there. He really felt like he finally had _friends_. John had always been Tommy’s friend, but even they never did things together the way Tommy did with Neil, Brad, and Adam. Neil liked to go to pool halls with Tommy, Brad liked to go to movie houses since he’d discovered he could talk about how attractive the actors were with Tommy, and Adam liked to go just about anywhere, just so long as he and Tommy got to spend time together.

Sometimes, Adam would borrow his mother’s car so he and Tommy could go to the drive-in. Even if they couldn’t really make out the way other couples liked to, since anybody could see in the windows, they still could sit close and hold hands the way they couldn’t in a movie house or restaurant. They would sit shoulder to shoulder, hands tangled, and whisper to each other about the movie, even though they didn’t have to be quiet at the drive-in. Tommy was quickly getting used to sharing smiles that were only meant for him and Adam without being noticed. It was alarming how well he was learning to hide what they had from anybody who happened to look.

A lot of nights, Adam would pull up a few houses down from Tommy’s house so that they could kiss goodnight without worrying about Tommy’s parents seeing them. Tommy couldn’t even begin to describe the way he felt when Adam kissed him. It wasn’t just the usual lust one could expect from kissing and sneaking a few gropes that Tommy felt. There was this warmth that spread through his entire body when Adam touched him even innocently. When Adam kissed him, he felt sparks like he had only ever heard talked about in movies. Being with Adam, even in public where they couldn’t even flirt or show affection, made Tommy happy in the purest sense. He wasn’t quite as angry when Adam was around, which was saying something, since Tommy was always angry somewhere deep inside.

Tommy didn’t know what he felt, but he knew he liked it. He liked Adam. He liked the friends he’d gained through Adam. Tommy was happier than he had ever been before, and it was all because of Adam.

“Are your eyes still shut?” Adam asked, and Tommy chuckled, eyes still closed.

“Yes, are you going to tell me soon-“

“We’re almost there, I swear!” Adam said for the fifteenth time since they started out of the city and he’d asked Tommy to close his eyes.

Tommy sighed. “I know we went up into the hills, Adam. Eyes shut or not, I can still feel the elevation change. We went uphill for a long time and now we’re somewhere going along the side of the hill. Are you taking me up into the woods to kill me?” he teased, and Adam grunted unhappily.

“You aren’t supposed to know yet, damn it, so SHHH!” he shushed and Tommy bit back an amused little giggle.

“Well you’re taking me up into the hills after dark all alone. What else should I expect?!” he teased.

Adam sighed. “You’re annoying, has anybody ever told you?”

Tommy snickered. “Whatever you say, Norman Bates.”

Adam groaned. “Why did I ever let you talk me into seeing that movie with you? It was terrifying. Great, now I’m going to be terrified when we get there in a minute.”

“‘S what you get for making me cover my eyes the whole ride up into the hills where nobody will hear me scream,” Tommy snickered, earning another exasperated sigh.

“I don’t even know why I like you,” Adam grumbled, only making Tommy’s case of the giggles even worse. After a few more minutes, Tommy felt them pull off the road. “Alright, hang on, let me come around.” Adam got out of the car and came over, opening the door and leading Tommy out. They walked a few steps and Adam stopped. “Alright, turn this way-“ Adam turned him by the shoulders, directing his face. “And open.” Tommy opened his eyes, then gasped. 

They were parked in a clearing that overlooked the entire city stretched out beneath them. “Oh wow,” Tommy breathed, looking at the lights twinkling in the distance. “Adam, it’s beautiful,” he gushed, then turned with a big smile, only to see Adam staring at him rather than the view. “What?” he asked sheepishly as he saw Adam’s little grin.

Adam shook his head. “You,” he said simply. He turned and looked out at the view. “It’s pretty great, huh? I figured you would like it,” he said, and Tommy laughed.

“You figured I’d like the view so you brought me all the way up here as a surprise?” Adam nodded.

“C’mon, I’ve got hot chocolate in a bottle, we can sit on the hood and share,” he said with a quick smile, heading back to the car.

Tommy smiled and shook his head before going to hop onto the hood. “He thinks of everything,” he called back.

“Of course I do!” Adam’s voice was followed by the radio being turned up so that they could hear it outside the car. Adam came walking back and hopped up onto the hood, holding up the bottle. “Mostly warm hot chocolate,” he announced brightly.

Tommy took the bottle and thanked Adam as he drank some. “Mmmm, this is good,” he said, handing it back. He shuffled and laid his head on Adam’s shoulder, looking out. Adam slid his arm around Tommy’s waist and Tommy sighed. “Okay, this is really nice,” he said, and Adam grinned.

“I hoped you’d like it.” They sat for a while, talking and occasionally singing along to the radio while they shared the hot chocolate. A while after it was gone and Tommy was curled into Adam’s side, Adam moved suddenly when the song changed on the radio. Tommy whined but Adam slid off the hood and held out his hand. “Dance with me,” he said suddenly.

Tommy raised an eyebrow as he heard the song. He rolled his eyes. “Elvis, really?” he asked, but obligingly took Adam’s hand and slid off the hood. “You kinda look like Elvis, just more handsome,” he said, earning a snort. Adam pulled him in close and curled a hand around his waist, catching his other hand and holding it to his chest. Tommy looked up into Adam’s eyes and melted some at the warmth they held as they began to sway more than really dance.

Adam leaned in a little so that their faces almost met and sang softly, looking into Tommy’s eyes as he sang. “Love me tender, love me long, take me to your heart. For it's there that I belong, and we’ll never part.” Tommy’s breath caught as Adam sang with so much emotion and so many promises in his eyes, as if every single word was coming from his own heart, not a song. Tommy’s heart was beating out of his chest, stomach clenched with emotion as Adam held him close, singing almost against his lips. “Love me tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine. I’ll be yours through all the years, ‘til the end of time.”

Tommy couldn’t help but surge up, kissing Adam firmly, hands sliding to Adam’s shoulders and neck. Adam moaned, pulling Tommy close, holding him at his waist so that Tommy was nearly bent backwards as Adam tried to cling to him without breaking the kiss. “God, the things you do to me, Adam,” he breathed against his lips, tears in his eyes.

Adam hesitated, and Tommy tensed, wondering if he had read the situation wrong. A second later, however, Adam kissed him hard, letting out a small laugh. “You do things that make me crazy, Tommy Joe.” He cupped Tommy’s face in his hand, thumb stroking along his cheek. “Tommy, I-“ He struggled for words then shook his head. “Screw it,” he said, pulling him into a kiss again. 

Tommy moaned, straining up to keep the kiss going when his legs started getting tired from standing on his toes. “C’mon, backseat,” he said, rocking back on his heels before tugging at Adam’s hands.

Adam smiled and nodded, letting Tommy open the back door and push Adam in, hanging onto his hand to tug Tommy after him. Adam fell back onto the seat and Tommy tumbled in on top of him, both of them laughing. “Careful, baby,” Adam said, and Tommy just smirked as he straddled Adam’s hips, sitting back long enough to pull the door shut.

“Keep out the cold,” Tommy explained before leaning back down, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Adam’s body. Adam had one knee bent with his foot on the seat, the other foot in the floor, and both hands on Tommy’s waist, holding him as Tommy kissed him fiercely. “You’re the sweetest man,” he mumbled against Adam’s lips.

Adam moaned, nibbling at Tommy’s bottom lip as he stroked his thumb across Tommy’s hipbone where his shirt rode up. “You deserve even more,” he said between kisses and Tommy just growled, tugging Adam into a hard, hungry kiss.

“I have you, I couldn’t hope for anything more.” Tommy moaned as Adam’s lips moved to his throat, one hand on the back of Tommy’s neck to hold him still, the other on his lower back, kissing and nipping at Tommy’s throat as he held his body in place. Tommy fisted a hand in Adam’s shirt, panting and arching as Adam’s lips, tongue, and teeth worried the sensitive skin of his throat.

“Adam, oh God,” he panted, nails scraping Adam’s chest through his shirt where Tommy had a hold of it. Tommy squirmed, rocking their hips together, whereas Adam just held him tighter.

Adam whined and pulled away after a few minutes, grabbing Tommy’s hips when he pressed down against him. “Wait, wait, wait.” He held Tommy’s hips still, making him whine.

“What?” Tommy asked, kissing Adam’s jaw.

Adam turned and caught is lips in a chaste kiss, slowing him down. “Shhh, hang on a second, okay?” 

Tommy stopped and froze, blushing when he realized exactly what he had been doing to Adam. “Um….”

Adam smiled knowingly, reaching up a hand to stroke his thumb along Tommy’s burning cheek. “It’s okay-“

Tommy groaned, relaxing on Adam’s chest. “Why did you stop then?” he asked, giving Adam a half-hearted glare.

Adam smiled in amusement but kissed him again. “Because, I don’t want it to be like this.”

Tommy froze and gave him a confused look. “What?” He sat up, sitting back on his heels. “What is that supposed to mean-“

“Not whatever has you doing that,” Adam said firmly, sitting up so that they were level. He pulled Tommy to him until Tommy was sat nearly in his lap. “I don’t mean I don’t want you.”

Tommy nodded. “Okay, then what do you mean?” he asked, insecurity lingering in his tone.

Adam ducked his eyes, cheeks coloring slightly, but only a little. “I just meant that…” He lifted his chin and met Tommy’s eyes, reaching out to tucked Tommy’s shaggy hair behind his ear. “Tommy, I care so much about you.” He smiled sadly. “I don’t want the first time we explore that to be in the backseat of my mom’s car. Not with you, okay?”

Tommy chuckled bashfully but nodded. “Alright, I guess I can see that.” He glanced down at his lap and cringed. “Probably not while still clothed, either,” he joked, and Adam laughed, pulling Tommy in to hug him. Tommy relaxed in Adam’s arms, laying his head on Adam’s shoulder. “You do want me like that, right?”

Adam groaned. “You can feel me, I know it,” he said, and Tommy giggled impishly. “Jerk.”

Tommy smiled and leaned back. “No, I really do understand.” He slid his hands to cup Adam’s jaw on both sides, fingers sliding along his slightly prickly cheeks. “I want it to be special,” he said softly. He looked into Adam’s eyes. “I’ve never…” Tommy hesitated, smiling timidly. “Well, I was going to say ‘been with a man’ but that’s obvious, so I guess I should say I’ve never gone all the way with anybody.” He shook his head. “And you’re right, I don’t want our first time to be in the back seat of your mom’s car.”

Adam kissed him sweetly. “I know it may not be as soon as either of us wants, but I want to be with you in a time and place where it matters. Tonight we’re both running with high emotions.”

Tommy giggled excitedly. “I’ve never had someone do something romantic like this for me, I’m allowed to have ‘high emotions’,” he cracked, laughing as he put a hand over his mouth. “Adam!” he cried, as if just now fully realizing what he had said. “I do believe you’re turning me into a chick.”

Adam pulled him into his arms, holding him close as if he was reluctant to stop touching Tommy every way he possibly could. “I know the feeling.”

Tommy was getting a glass of water when Beulah came in. “Jesus, Tommy, you going to work already?” she asked, yawning as she walked past him to the ice box.

Tommy shrugged. “Said I’d head in early so I can get off this afternoon and go with Adam and the others to the bowling alley,” he said. “I don’t want to leave you and Pops hanging at the bar again so we’re going in the afternoon.”

She chuckled. “I want to meet this Adam boy,” she said, and Tommy froze. “He’s the one you seem to be spending the most time around. I want to meet him and find out if he’s a nice boy like you say he is.” Tommy looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she rolled her eyes. “You suspicious child, I’m not gonna embarrass you in front of your friend if you bring him to supper one night.”

Tommy hesitated. “I was more thinking about why you want me bringing him here,” he said uneasily. “The neighbors are nervous enough having one white boy walking around,” he said bitterly, and Beulah shushed him.

“You stop that,” she said, walking over to put a hand on his hip, kissing his cheek. “The neighbors can kiss my ass if they have a problem with my child and his friends,” she said, making him smile. “There’s my baby’s smile,” she said, kissing his cheek. “You bring your friend over for dinner some night this week.”

Tommy chuckled and shook his head. “Alright, Ma.” He turned and kissed her cheek. “I need to go,” he said, finishing his water before heading out. “I’ll ask him if he wants to come by for dinner,” he said, and Beulah shook her head.

“You tell that boy he better come by!” she called after Tommy as he headed out.

Tommy threw up his arms and cheered when all the pins fell. “Hell yeah!” He turned around and pointed at Neil. “I’ll end you, Lambert!”

Neil rolled his eyes. “You just wait,” he grumbled, going to get his ball. 

Tommy laughed and flopped down beside Adam. “Aren’t you proud? I’m kicking your brother’s tail!”

Adam huffed. “I’m losing completely, though.”

Brad leaned over. “I’m not last! Yay,” he cheered and Tommy grinned. “Sorry Adam, it’s okay as long as Neil doesn’t win. You can make Tommy not tease you and you know I won’t. Neil, however, will gloat if he wins.”

Tommy nodded. “Exactly. I’m winning for you,” he said, playfully nudging Adam with his elbow.

Adam laughed and shook his head. “My hero, winning a bowling game in my honor. I’m flattered.”

Tommy smirked. “You should be, I’m working hard to kick your brother’s ass.” He watched as Brad got up to go bowl his frame, teasing Neil about his bowling technique. “Oh hey!” Tommy turned back. “Adam, I have a serious favor to ask,” he said, facing him fully. “Don’t freak out, okay?” he asked with wide, hopeful eyes.

Adam gave him a suspicious look. “Oh yeah?”

Tommy nodded. “So, my mother hears me mention your name when I talk about going out and… she wants you to come to the house some night this week for supper,” he said, biting his lip and giving Adam a hopeful look as soon as the words were out.

Adam tensed. “You… you sure about that?” he asked nervously. “I don’t want her to see… well, us,” he said in a small voice.

Tommy nodded. “I was worried, yeah, but I promised. I told her I’d get you to come. She just wants to get to know the guy her son is hanging around. Make sure you’re an alright cat.” 

Adam whined, sinking in his seat. “Alright, but mothers are intuitive. It won’t be easy to keep it hidden.”

Tommy made a face. “She won’t suspect anything like that, Adam. We’ll be fine.” He shrugged. “I was worried you would be more uneasy about the whole ‘Tommy’s family is black’ thing,” he admitted.

Adam glared. “You know better than that,” he said, subtly touching his hand. “The way you make it sound, you have an amazing family and there is nothing less amazing about them just because of what color their skin is. Nobody worth your time would ever think that about your family.”

Tommy smiled up at Adam. “You really are perfect, aren’t you?” he asked, shaking his head. “Damn you for making me want to kiss you when I can’t.”

Adam shot his brother and friend a dark look. “I could make them walk,” he offered and Tommy giggled.

“Nah, it’ll still be daylight.” He smirked. “Besides, I can’t get distracted or I’ll be late to the bar.” He nudged Adam’s shoulder. “Soon, though.”

Adam sighed but nodded. “Yeah.” He looked up. “Alright, wish me luck!” he announced as he stood up and went to take his turn.

Tommy was sitting in the back yard with his guitar trying to stop freaking out. He was nervous about how Adam would react with his family. If Adam flaked out, Tommy wasn’t sure how it would change the way he looked at Adam. He believed Adam when he said he was different, but he’d grown up with people being weird about his family or about his family having him as their kid. He knew how hard it was for people to overcome their life-long ideas of ‘normal’.

“You gonna stop beating that goat anytime?” Tommy looked up at Missouri sat down on the stoop next to him. “Never heard a guitar make sounds that ugly in your hands,” she teased, knocking into him playfully.

Tommy sighed but smiled. “I’m just worried.”

She nodded. “About your friend coming over?” she asked and he nodded. “Look, if the guy is a good enough cat for you to be friends, he won’t suddenly become a racist just because he comes here.” She grabbed Tommy’s hand and curled their fingers together. “What’s he like?” she asked softly.

Tommy laid his head on her shoulder. “He’s nice. He’s a really nice person. Never says a bad thing about anybody, really.” He chuckled. “He’s real tall and I’m not sure but I think he dyes his hair cause it looks _too_ black and he’s pale with freckles.”

She laughed. “You can’t talk, peroxide boy,” she said, tugging at his platinum hair. Ya’ll people with your dyed hair. Seems like more people are dying their hair than not, these days.”

Tommy smirked. “Admit it, I’m way cuter with blonde hair than brown.”

Missouri grinned. “It’s different,” she agreed. She nodded. “So, your friend with the black hair who is nice. Mama said he’s called Adam?” she asked, and he nodded. “Decent name.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “You’re just being silly now.”

She laughed. “But you’re not freaking out anymore.” She smiled. “Tommy Joe, it’ll be okay. Mama won’t scare him off, Daddy won’t be rude. If he’s what you say he is, it’ll all be fine.” She shoved him playfully. “Now come on, I heard somebody pull up before I came out here. Mama will be calling you any-“

“TOMMY!” 

Missouri laughed. “Minute now.”

Tommy grinned. “You know her well,” he said, kissing her cheek before standing. “Thanks, sis.” He turned and ran through the house. When he got into the living room, he saw Beulah at the door gesturing Adam in. “Hey,” he said and Adam gave him a nervous smile.

“Hey, Tommy.”

Beulah rolled her eyes. “I swear, boy, you act like you brought a girl home, stop being so jumpy. Your daddy isn’t going to be rude, your sisters wont tease you, and I won’t show your friend baby pictures… probably,” she said with a smirk.

Tommy squeaked. “NOT THOSE!” he cried dramatically, then turned and ran towards the hall closet. He opened the door, then gasped, jumping a few times to look on the top shelf. “MA!” he cried, looking frantic. “ _Not_ the baby pictures!” he pleaded as he came back.

Adam snickered. “Baby pictures, huh?”

Tommy glared at him then turned to his mom with a big pout. “Where are they?”

She laughed loudly, shaking her head. “Oh Lord, boy, your face!” She grabbed him and tugged him towards the kitchen. “Don’t worry, your sister had them out looking for some of her to put on some poster for a project in school,” she said and Tommy glowered.

“That ain’t funny, Ma,” he pouted. He turned and pointed at Adam. “ _No_ ,” he said sternly.

Adam just grinned. “I bet you were a chubby baby, weren’t you?” he teased. “He was fat wasn’t he? Come on, I was fat until I was about eighteen, please say he was a fat baby!” he said to Beulah.

Beulah smiled. “Oh yeah, chubby little baby with big, fat cheeks.” She chuckled and shook her head. “It’s nice to meet you, Adam, but I got to get back to cooking. Tommy’s father will be home soon and we’ll get to know you properly, sugar.”

“That’s alright,” Adam said, putting his hands in his pockets.

Tommy nodded to him. “Come on,” he said, turning to the hall. “Let’s go sit out back.” When he got to the back stoop, Missouri was still there. She looked up, then stood. “Oh, Adam, this is my older sister, Missouri,” he said, introducing them.

Adam smiled and shook her hand. “Hi, I’m Adam.”

She grinned. “Damn, you are tall,” she said and Tommy blushed when Adam looked over at him. “And yeah, pretty sure nobody’s hair is that black,” she confirmed and Tommy glowered.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “You talked about my hair being dyed?” he asked, looking thoroughly amused.

Tommy shrugged. “She asked me to tell her about you and I mentioned you were tall and I figured your hair was too black to be natural.”

Adam grinned. “Oh yeah, you didn’t know that?” he asked. “I’m a redhead.”

Tommy gaped. “Wow, I cannot imagine you redheaded.”

Adam sat down and nodded. “Yeah, kind of blondish-red.”

Tommy sat beside him and grinned. “Funny, my hair’s naturally dark and I lighten it, yours is light and you darken it.”

Missouri rolled her eyes. “Would you believe I’m a blonde?” she asked, fluffing her hair with a teasing grin.

Tommy and Adam both laughed. “I can see where you get your humor,” Adam said to Tommy, who smiled fondly at his sister. “So you’re the oldest?” Adam asked and Missouri nodded.

“Yep. Not by much. We still were always in the same grade in school. Usually the same classes,” she said. “I’d get Tommy in so much trouble cause I’d tell Mama when he did something bad at school.”

Tommy nodded. “She’s the reason for half the whoopins I got as a little boy,” he confirmed. 

Missouri made a disbelieving sound. “That and all the fighting you did!”

Tommy grinned impishly. “Hey, nobody teased you more than once, now, did they?” He nodded to Missouri. “Nobody hurt my sister, man. I was little, but I beat the hell out of people who messed with her.”

Adam made a face. “I was the one beating up my brother,” he admitted sheepishly. “Nobody else bothered him, just me,” he laughed.

Tommy smirked. “But Neil’s a jerk, he deserves it.” He grabbed his guitar off the stoop and pulled it into his lap, picking out a tune while Adam and Missouri talked. He half listened, half played until Adam started singing along with him on a song he knew.

Within a few minutes, a voice called, “Who’s that on the radio, Missouri?” Tommy and Missouri both smirked at Adam, who blushed and stopped singing. Kittie came to the door, then stopped, looking at them curiously. “Whoa, was that you singin’?” she asked Adam, and he nodded.

Tommy nodded. “Kittie, this is Adam. Adam, this is my baby sister, Kittie Belle Ratliff,” he said with a smile. “And yeah, I’ve told Adam a dozen times that he should have a record. People would forget the Beatles and Pat Boone,” he teased.

Adam smiled. “Kittie Belle? That’s a pretty name,” he said, and Kittie smiled. “How old are you?”

Kittie sat down beside Missouri. “I’m fifteen,” she said, nodding at Missouri. “She’s twenty-two.”

Adam glanced at Tommy, who was smiling at his sister’s boldness Adam knew Tommy had been worried how his sisters would react. “So you’re in high school?” he asked, and she nodded with a smile. “What do you like at school?”

“Well I like to read, but I’m not as smart as Missouri was,” she admitted. “But hopefully I can be a cheerleader this year!” she said excitedly. “Mama said I can try out, so I hope I can.”

Tommy tensed but nodded. “You’ll be the best one at the school,” he said confidently. Adam saw the sad look in Tommy’s eyes and leaned against him a little just to comfort him. “Come on.” Tommy started playing again, and Adam recognized the song and started singing along. 

Tommy laughed when the girls stood up and started dancing around the yard while Adam sang ‘Texas Flood’. “Well dark clouds are rollin’, man I’m standing out in the rain. Mmmmmmm, dark clouds are rollin’ maaan I’m standing out in the raiiiiin-“

“Who’s singing?” Tommy and Adam both jumped, startled by the voice behind them. Henry looked at them. “Damn, boy, that you?” he asked, looking at Adam.

Adam blushed but stood up. “Yes, sir. I’m Adam,” he said, offering his hand.

Tommy stood up, guitar hanging at his side. “Pops, this is Adam. Adam, this is my father, Henry Ratliff.”

Henry shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Adam.” He nodded at Tommy’s guitar. “You got a hell of a voice, son,” he said and Adam smiled bashfully. 

“I keep hearing that today,” he muttered, cheeks slightly pink.

Henry smiled. “Well, Tommy, girls, your mama’s got supper ready. Run set the table,” he said and the girls headed inside. “You too, Tommy Joe.” Tommy looked at Adam, and started to speak but Henry nodded into the house. “Go on.”

Tommy went in, shooting a suspicious look at his father on the way past. “Don’t be mean,” he whispered as he brushed past him.

Tommy and the girls were already sitting at the table when Henry came back with Adam. “Beulah, did you hear Adam here singing out there?” he asked as he sat down.

Beulah smiled as she came over and put the last dish on the table. “Yeah, you sound real good, honey,” she said brightly, sitting down across from Tommy. 

Adam sat next to Tommy, smiling nervously. Henry sat down at the head of the table and grinned. “Well, I asked Adam if he’d come sing at the bar Saturday night. Earl is busy so I was gonna find somebody else to come play, but if Adam will sing for us, we don’t have to worry.”

Tommy’s jaw dropped. “Pops, you sure about that?” he asked suddenly. Adam raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. “Not that, of course you sing great,” he said, waving a hand at Adam. “But…” He trailed off, cringing as he saw Adam looking. He looked back at Henry and gave him a meaningful look. “Pops you get enough trouble having me on that stage-“

Henry sighed. “Tommy, I swear-“

“No, no, I know you done said anybody that has a problem doesn’t have any business in your bar, and you know I agree,” Tommy said firmly. “I just don’t want it to mess with business. The bar’s all we’ve got. I sure as hell don’t make much, and you know they won’t hire me at a factory with my record if business starts dropping.” He smiled sadly. “I’m just thinking about the money.”

Henry shook his head. “Tommy, I don’t give a damn about the business when it comes to this.” He nodded to Adam and Tommy. “If anybody has a problem with you two on the stage I don’t want their money. I’d rather get a job and let your mama run the bar on her own than take money from people who have a problem with my son and his friend playing music in _my_ bar. Henry’s is not the place for discrimination, and I’ll be damned if I let it go on in my place of business,” he said firmly.

Tommy smiled but rolled his eyes. “And _I_ get yelled at for getting locked up-“

“Oh hush, you,” Beulah said, as the girls started laughing. “Swear, you men are gonna drive me over the edge one day,” she added. “Now everybody calm down, Tommy, you listen to your daddy, and for goodness sake, somebody pass the peas!”

Tommy grinned and grabbed the bowl, then gave Adam a smile. Everybody started filling their plates and that was that.

The first day Adam was gonna sing, Tommy met him outside, smiling and standing off the curb when Adam came up. Adam was dressed more like Tommy, in a pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt, rather than his usual bright colors. “Hey, you excited?” Tommy asked as he walked up.

Adam groaned. “Terrified,” he admitted, biting his freckled lip. “Why did I agree to this? I don’t sing in front of people. I mean, not on a stage!”

Tommy grinned. “You’ll love it, come on.” Tommy led Adam inside, smiling when Adam looked around at the darkness inside compared to outside. Henry’s had dark walls, black ceilings, chipped red paint on straight concrete on the floor, a dark wooden bar, black and red tables and chairs, and dim lights everywhere except along the wall full of liquor bottles and aimed at the stage. It was usually a smoky, friendly warmth when it was full of people, but he could imagine to someone unused to the bar, it was pretty seedy looking, empty. Tommy saw old man Jenkins sliding onto the piano bench and smiled. “How’re you today, Mr. Jenkins?” he asked, hopping up on the stage.

Jenkins chuckled in his rough voice. “I’m only getting older from here, TommyJoe,” he answered and Tommy saw Adam smile in amusement.

John looked up from his spot and whistled. “Damn, buddy, anybody ever told you that you look like Elvis in the right light?” he asked, and Tommy cackled at the look on Adam’s face.

“Oh man, John, he hates that shit,” he said, snickering. “Adam Lambert, this is John Avery.” He elbowed John. “Me and John’ve been friends about as long as I can remember,” he said. “This is my friend Adam, Pops heard him singing the other night and figured since Earl’s busy he’d just get Adam to sing for us. 

Mr. Carlson looked up from behind his drums. “Sure you can sing our kinda music?” he asked, narrowing his eyes to see Adam in the dimness just off stage.

Adam stepped up onto the stage and nodded somewhat timidly. “Tommy’s been teaching me some songs-“

“He already knows a lot,” Tommy interrupted. “He knows a good few of my favorites already.”

Jenkins looked up. “Yeah but can the boy sing it any good? It ain’t everybody that can sing the blues, son,” he said, and Tommy nodded with a proud smile.

“Mr. Jenkins, the boy can _sing_ ,” he assured. “If Ella Fitzgerald was a man is what his voice sounds like,” Tommy praised. Tommy turned Adam. “Texas Flood sound good to you?” he asked, and Adam nodded confidently.

Mr. Carlson whistled apprehensively but nodded. “Alright, let’s see what you got,” he said as he started a tap to count them in.

By the end of the first night, apart from a few of the expected comments to Henry and Beulah about how ‘integrated’ the place was getting, nobody questioned Henry’s decision to have Adam sing. From the moment they finished “Texas Flood” in rehearsals, when the men in the band all just stared at Adam, until the last song of the night, Adam’s voice and confidence only grew. When they finally finished up for the night, the others in the band all shook Adam’s hand and patted his back, praising him on a job well done. Henry tried to give Adam a normal night’s pay for the guys in the band, but Adam turned him down, promising that the fun he had was more than enough reward.

That night, as soon as they got outside and everybody else had gone off down the street, Tommy pulled Adam around the corner into the shadows of the alley running alongside the building and shoved him into the wall, standing on his toes as he absolutely devoured Adam’s mouth. Adam whined in surprise, but quickly curled his arms around Tommy and sank into the kiss, only breaking it when he spun Tommy around, and the slam into the building was a little harder than he meant. He tried to apologize, but Tommy just moaned his name. “God, you’re so amazing,” Tommy panted, hands tangled in Adam’s shirt. “You don’t even know how gorgeous you looked singing up there on that stage,” he said, tugging Adam into a hard, hungry kiss again.

Adam moaned. “God it felt so good. Singing up there, it felt _so good_.” He grabbed Tommy’s ass, squeezing the handful he had. “God, Tommy, I want you so bad,” he panted against his lips as their hips rolled together.

Tommy moaned. “Fuck, I want you to have me but it’s too-“ They both froze, jumping apart when a rattling came from the mouth of the alley. They stared in fear only to sigh when the saw a can rolling across the ground. “Dangerous,” he finished pointedly.

Adam laughed softly. “Well, I guess an alley isn’t the best place either.”

Tommy smiled sadly. “Even less romantic than your mom’s back seat,” he agreed. He sighed and pecked Adam’s lips. “Soon, okay? I promise.”

Adam nodded. “We’ll find some way, I know we will.” He pulled Tommy into a hug, kissing the top of his head. “Your parents probably need you to help clean up, and I need to get home. I move back into the dorms in a few weeks, so Mom is really serious about the going to bed early enough to spend the day with her thing.”

Tommy nodded, looking up. “You did amazing tonight,” he whispered proudly. “You are amazing.”

Adam kissed him sweetly. “You’re the sweetest boy ever,” he said, then kissed his cheek. “Alright, gotta go, Tommy Joe.”

Tommy let him go and waved. “Bye, Adam,” he said, waiting a few minutes to cool down before turning to head back around to the door and back inside to help clean up.

Tommy walked out onto the porch with his guitar, sighing at the calmness of the cool summer’s night as he began to slowly pick a few tunes. They had all got home late, and everybody else went straight to bed. Tommy, however, was still riding too much adrenaline from his brief encounter in the alleyway with Adam to go to sleep. It had been a good night all around.

Tommy had only been playing a couple minutes when the door opened and he looked up, startled. Missouri came out and Tommy frowned when she shut the door behind her, not just the screen. “You okay?” he asked, watching as she shuffled over, arms crossed around herself.

Missouri eyed Tommy as she sat down. She picked at the sleeves of her nightgown and she looked down at her lap. “Tommy… I-“ She paused and shivered, though Tommy hadn’t felt a breeze. “Tommy Joe, I have to ask you something and I really don’t want to know the answer,” she whispered in a pained voice.

Tommy frowned. “Something wrong?” he asked. He put his guitar down and slid over to grab her hand, startled when she flinched away. “Missouri?” he pushed, getting worried. “Are you alright?”

“No I’m not alright!” she exploded, though she kept her voice to an angry whisper. Tommy jumped, sliding back some at her outburst. “I- I saw you!” she hissed and Tommy froze. 

Tommy’s blood ran cold and his stomach dropped down to his knees when he remembered that can rolling across the ground. He didn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, and everything in him was frozen as he stared at Missouri with more fear coursing through his veins than he had ever felt before. “W-what?” he stuttered out and she glared with angry tears in her eyes. “I-“

Missouri shook her head. “You tell me right now that I’m wrong,” she demanded. “Tell me I didn’t see my brother in that alley outside the bar.” She shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. “You tell me Tommy Joe Ratliff, you tell me you and Adam weren’t-“ She shuddered. “Together,” she spat. “Cause I know my brother, and you ain’t a queer,” she finished, swallowing hard. “You- You ain’t a queer, I know it. Cause-“ She let out a weak sob. “Cause I can’t see you go to jail or get killed, Tommy. I just can’t. I can’t stand my baby brother getting thrown away like that or get killed.” Her shoulders shook. “You tell me I saw wrong, Tommy,” she pleaded, looking up through her tears. “Tell me!” 

Tommy closed his eyes, tears slipping free. “I-“ He swallowed sniffling. “I can’t,” he breathed, and Missouri shook her head, crying harder. “Missouri, please-“

“Don’t you dare,” she said, shaking her head as she held a finger up at him. “What’s wrong with you?! It’s illegal! Men don’t kiss other men, Tommy! If they do they’ll end up in prison or worse. If the wrong person sees-“

Tommy shook his head. “I didn’t want it,” he choked out, reaching out for her. “Please, Missouri-“

She looked up quickly, eyes wide. “You didn’t want it?! Do you mean he-“

Tommy gasped and shook his head. “No, no, Adam wouldn’t hurt me, he’d never hurt me,” he backtracked. He grabbed her hand and didn’t let her pull away. “Missouri, listen to me,” he pleaded.

She sniffled. “How do you expect me to listen, Tommy? It ain’t right-“

“I never felt the way I feel with him,” he breathed. Tommy pulled her hand to his face. “And who says it ain’t right? This right here-“ He pressed against her hand. “So many people say this ain’t right either but you don’t agree with them,” he urged. He dropped his hand and let out a weak sob when she continued to hold his face. “I know, okay? I know it’s not okay. I mean… I know it’s dangerous, not that it’s bad,” he dismissed. “Cause it can’t be bad, Missouri,” he choked out, sniffling. “It can’t be. No way in hell is the way I feel bad,” he sobbed through a shattered laugh. “Nothing that feels that right can be bad.”

Missouri dropped her hand and let her head fall forward. “Tommy you can’t be queer, you just _can’t_ ,” she pleaded.

Tommy took a weak breath and whimpered. “But I am.”

Missouri shook her head. “It’s wrong. It’s wrong and you know it. And if mama and daddy find out it’ll break their hearts-“

“You can’t tell!” he panicked. “Please, you can’t tell them. Oh God, you can’t tell anybody-“

“I’m not,” she said angrily. “I wouldn’t do that to them,” she growled. “You think I’d break my parents hearts by telling them their son is a queer? They worry about you all the damn time, you think I want them knowing you’re doing things that could get you beat up or killed or put in prison?! Homosexuality is illegal, Tommy, if you go to prison, do you know what it’d do to our mama?!” she spat bitterly. “You are so selfish-“

“Selfish for wanting to be happy?” he asked weakly. “Missouri, I have never been this happy. I’ve never felt better about who I am. I never really felt like anybody understood me like he does-“

“Damn straight you’re selfish!” she interrupted. “You’re happy? It’s good you’re happy when Mama is gonna be the one suffering if you get your ass killed cause you got caught with another man.”

Guilt poured over Tommy as he imagined his mother’s state in the case he _did_ get killed for being a queer or put in prison for it. “What would you have me do?” he asked in a fragile voice as his wet, pained brown eyes met his sister’s. 

She shook her head. “Stop it. Now. End it before you get hurt-“

“Would you say the same thing if it was a girl I shouldn’t be with?” Tommy asked boldly. “If it was a black girl, just like the girl I ran around with that I KNOW you knew about, if it was her would you still be this way?” he demanded.

Missouri flinched. “This isn’t Mississippi, nobody kills somebody for being with somebody the wrong color. You’d just get looks and name calling, not a chance of being killed-“

“I could though,” he argued. “Missouri, either way I see it, the only two people I’ve ever snuck around with were a girl I could get my ass kicked for being with, and a man. Do you want me to not be happy?” he challenged.

Missouri deflated. “No, Tommy. I want you to be happy,” she whispered, raising her eyes to meet his. “But you know this ain’t right. And as much as I love you, you know I can’t agree with it. Not when it could take you away from us.”

Tommy laughed brokenly. “If you love me, why don’t you want me to be happy?”

She stood up and headed to the door. “Because you’re my baby brother and I want what’s best for you, even if it isn’t what makes you happy,” she said before disappearing inside, leaving Tommy struggling with his thoughts.

After Missouri confronted him, Tommy didn’t talk about it again. He and Missouri didn’t speak unless they had to, in front of others. Tommy knew she hadn’t lied, she didn’t tell anybody. He could tell his parents and Kittie knew something happened, but he was confident enough they had argued enough in the past that they just assumed they got into an argument again.

Adam could tell he was distant too, but Tommy refused to tell Adam that Missouri caught them and make him scared, too. He didn’t let it stop him, either. He and Adam didn’t get much chance to be alone, but when they did he did not hold back and let Missouri knowing stop him from being happy. Adam made him happy even when they were in a crowd and couldn’t do more than smile at each other because Tommy knew every one of those smiles told him Adam was worth it. 

Henry had Adam sing a few more times at the bar. It was the fourth time that Tommy decided to tell Adam to bring Neil and Brad with him. When Adam got there a few hours before the people would start getting there, Tommy was waiting outside. Adam agreed not to tell Neil and Brad about the place they were going until they got there. Tommy walked out to meet them as they got out of the car. Brad eyed the bar with a frown. “Not to sound rude… but are you sure we should be here?” he asked Tommy. 

Tommy cleared his throat, swallowing. “So, you know how I don’t talk about my home much?” he asked, then nodded at Adam. “I told him my secret a while back and asked he didn’t talk cause I was pretty loaded at the time and it came out.” He nodded at the bar. “That’s my old man’s bar.”

Neil looked around. “But… in this neighborhood?” he asked.

Tommy nodded, forcing a nervous smile out. “I’m adopted. My parents and my sisters… they’re not like me.” He nodded towards the highway out in the distance. “We live in Compton, about twenty minutes that way.”

Neil and Brad stared for a moment before sharing a look. Neil turned back. “Well, it definitely explains why you really hate racists,” he said and Brad laughed, nodding.

“That’s sure true.” He smirked and walked over to Tommy. “Besides, far from the biggest secret you got,” he said with a wink. “Now, let’s go see if your mom has any embarrassing stories!” he said eagerly.

Tommy gave Adam a relieved smile and Adam nodded. “See? Wasn’t so bad,” he said, shoving Tommy playfully. “Come on.” He slung an arm around Tommy’s shoulders. “I got me some singin’ to do,” he said excitedly.

Tommy noticed a lot of the same people who were there last time Adam sang had come back that night. He knew they came cause they heard Adam was coming to sing again. Neil and Brad ended up getting along quite well with Tommy’s family. They were only angry because Tommy and Adam had held out on them.

Tommy laughed while playing when he saw Brad and Kittie dancing together during “Dimples” (Adam’s favorite John Lee Hooker song), only to laugh harder when he spotted Neil being dragged out to dance by Beulah. Neil looked afraid of dancing, settling to let Tommy’s mother drag him around with her.

Tommy didn’t even let Missouri’s reluctance to engage in conversation with his friends get him down while he watched people dancing to Adam’s singing. 

After everybody had left and the doors were shut, Tommy told his parents he was going to go out with his friends. When he got to the car, he stopped Adam. “Hey! Can we keep you around for a second?” he asked.

Neil looked up from the driver’s seat. “We can wait,” he said and Tommy shook his head.

“Nah, it’s okay, ya’ll go on. We’ll be busy for a little while. Adam will probably just crash with us,” he said, giving Adam a pointed look.

It clicked, and Adam smiled. “Yeah, I’ll see you two tomorrow.” He waved and followed Tommy back towards the bar. “So, what are we doing?” he asked with a curious look.

Tommy bounced some, biting his lip in giddy excitement. “Give me five minutes, then come around back. There’s a staircase at the end of the alley,” he said, squeezing Adam’s hand before turning to jog down the alley.

Adam waited around as long as he could without worrying about someone seeing him so he made his way down the alley. Just like Tommy said, there was a flight of stairs at the end that led to a door up above the bar. He saw light from the window and headed up. When he walked in, knocking lightly at the door as it swung open, he stopped.

Tommy was walking over to an upturned milk crate with an old oil lamp. “I said longer,” Tommy chastised, sitting it down carefully. He stood up, then blushed when he turned and saw Adam staring. “So…” He gestured to the spot sitting in a cleared out space amongst boxes that had a table with two chairs. There was a bottle of bourbon, two glasses, and a radio playing softly. “I figured we could spend some time up here, have a drink, listen to tunes…” He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to get all the candles and the lamp lit so you didn’t stumble around. I don’t think they’ll hear the music or our talking, but if you kicked over a bunch of crates the clatter might make it down to the bar,” he mumbled.

Adam shut the door behind him with a smile. “Tommy,” he said warmly, walking over to him. “You’re so romantic,” he said, pulling him into a hug.

Tommy sighed, letting his forehead drop to Adam’s chest. “Swear it isn’t dumb?”

Adam shook his head, pressing a kiss to Tommy’s hair. “No way. It’s amazingly sweet.” He pulled away, but something caught his eye. He looked over in the corner then raised an eyebrow. “What exactly is this place, cause romantic or not, I doubt you did all that,” Adam said, nodding at the bed against the wall.

Tommy cleared his throat. “Um, it’s a room we used to rent out. There’s a closet and a bathroom, but just the one room. We haven’t had anybody rent it in years though, so it’s a storage place.” He blushed. “I didn’t mean to _imply_ by putting sheets on the bed, I just thought… well, just in case-“

Adam cut off his rambling by kissing him sweetly. “I get you, don’t worry.” He stroked his cheek. “If it happens, it happens. If not… that’s okay too.”

Tommy smiled. “Exactly.” He pecked Adam’s lips. “Come on, I’ve got bourbon,” he said with a grin, pulling away to head over to the table. Adam sat across from him, taking his glass when Tommy poured them both a healthy measure. “Here’s to a quiet night with just the two of us,” he said, and Adam smiled, clinking their glasses together. 

Adam grabbed Tommy’s hand, smiling and curling their fingers together. “This is really nice.” He looked around and chuckled. “The candles are kind of romantic. The low light makes it seem more intimate.”

Tommy grinned. “I was just running out of light sources since they shut off the electricity but good to know.” Adam laughed and Tommy sighed. “You even laugh like music.”

Adam bit his lip. “I really like singing. I mean, I’ve done it all my life, but never in front of people like that. But now I have, I really enjoy it.” Adam sipped his drink, stroking his thumb along Tommy’s knuckles on the table. “What do you want to do when you grow up? I’m not saying you’re a kid now, I just mean… well I doubt you plan on living at home all your life,” he clarified.

Tommy thought about it, looking at Adam the whole time. “I think I want to travel.” He shrugged. “I don’t know about a job or anything. I’ve always just wanted to make music and maybe leave California sometime. See the rest of the country. Maybe the rest of the world if I can someday.”

Adam grinned. “Sounds fun. Maybe you can be a drifting guitarist? Hitchhiking across the country and playing guitar for money?” he joked.

Tommy shook his head, grinning. “Actually,” he began, “I’ve sort of been working on this motorcycle.”

Adam gaped. “You have a _motorcycle_?! How don’t I know this?”

“It’s kind of a secret,” Tommy admitted. “Joe- the guy who owns the garage- had this old Indian that was busted and he was gonna just scrap it, but he asked if I’d like to have her. Said that if I could fix her up, he’d let me have her without any cost since he wasn’t going to get much from scrap anyways.” He grinned bashfully. “My old lady would go ape if she knew I had a motorcycle, so I’ve been saving money for parts for the past year nearly. I work on it when I’m done with work and before I go home some days at the garage.” He sat back, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ve almost finished. I’m mostly waiting on money for new tires and learning how to shape and paint the panels so she isn’t all rusted out anymore. I already fixed the seat with new leather. It’s pretty nice looking and shiny in all the chrome places. I just need new tires and to fix the body. The engine sounds great and I drove it around the lot some, but without new tires I can’t really take her out on the road.”

Adam blushed and ducked his eyes. “Okay so maybe you having a motorcycle is really adding to how much of a fox you are,” he mumbled bashfully. “So, you think you’ll travel around on your motorcycle someday then?”

Tommy laughed and shrugged. “I never really think about it, you know? I focus so much on trying to do what I can for my family. I love my parents and my sisters more than anything in this world” He sobered some and then swallowed hard, looking at his glass. “I want to make the world fair,” he said sadly. “I know I can’t, I’m just one man, but I want to do something so that one day I see my sisters with good jobs and every opportunity I could have.” He bit his lip, looking up at Adam. “I want Kittie to go to college. She’s so smart. I want to see my baby sister go to school. I want her to be a teacher or a doctor or something so much better than what she’s probably going to be at this rate. I could be happy working in the garage my whole life if it meant my sisters ended up with good jobs and happy lives.”

Adam made a face. “College isn’t all it’s cut out to be,” he admitted. “I don’t like it. I’m just not a student,” he said with a heavy sigh. “But my mom wants me to have an education and my dad wants us both to stay in school as long as we can to make sure we stay two-S.” He shook his head. “My dad was a little young so he didn’t go to war but his brother did and even if he made it home, he was never the same. Killed himself when I was nine.”

“That’s one thing I’m glad about being an only son for,” he said and Adam nodded. “What about you? You said you don’t really like college so what do you want to do?”

Adam hummed. “I think I want to be an actor.” He giggled. “I know that’s such a lousy thing to strive towards, but I liked pretending as a kid, and I would look good all dressed up in a movie,” he joked, sliding a hand through his hair.

Tommy smiled. “You’re handsome enough.” He reached across the small table and stroked Adam’s jaw. “You’ve got the face that should be in the dictionary next to ‘man’,” he teased. “Beautiful jaw line, amazing cheeks, strong forehead… gorgeous,” he said, stroking his finger along the bridge of Adam’s nose. “You even have a beautiful nose.”

Adam ducked his head. “I’ve got kinda big ears though.”

Tommy shook his head. “Beautiful,” he affirmed. He paused when the radio crackled and he heard thunder in the distance. “Wow. I didn’t know it was gonna rain.”

Adam stood up, finishing his drink. “I love the smell of the rain,” he said, heading over to the window. He eased it up a few inches, inhaling happily. “Summer rain smells so sweet.” Tommy watched him walking back, only to raise an eyebrow when Adam paused and looked at him, eyebrows raised. Tommy raised on back and Adam smiled, nodding at the radio.

_Love me tender, love me sweet. Never let me go._

Tommy smiled. “You sang this to me,” he said, looking up to see Adam’s hand held out to him. 

“And we danced,” Adam said in a soft voice. Tommy took his hand and put his glass down, allowing Adam to pull him up. Tommy wasted no time leaning into Adam’s chest, sliding one arm around Adam’s waist as Adam took his hand. Adam kissed his head. “You fit just right, Tommy,” he whispered, laying his cheek on the top of Tommy’s head as he led, slowly taking them around the room in a gentle, swaying dance. “Love me tender, love me long. Take me into your heart. For it’s there that I belong, and we’ll never part.”

Tommy lifted his head up, looking into Adam’s eyes. “You’ve been in my heart since the night you kissed me on the beach, Adam,” he breathed. He stood on his toes and pressed his lips to Adam’s lightly. “Thank you for coming into my life.”

Adam let out a shaky breath. “God, Tommy, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Don’t you dare thank me.” He leaned in, sliding both hands to Tommy’s waist as he kissed Tommy firmly, putting all the words he couldn’t say into the embrace. Tommy moaned softly, hands resting on Adam’s chest and waist. Tommy pulled away some, intending to speak, only to have Adam kiss along his jaw and to his throat, just below his ear. 

“Oh,” he gasped, moaning softly. He fisted his hands in Adam’s shirt and whined softly. His fingers on Adam’s side found warm, bare skin and he slid his hand under the hem of Adam’s shirt, sighing as he splayed his palm on the warm, soft skin of Adam’s side. “Adam, can I?” he asked, sliding his hand higher, carrying Adam’s shirt with it.

Adam pulled back and looked at him. “You sure?” he asked, and Tommy smiled warmly.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time, Adam. Trust me, I’m more than sure.” He slid both hands up the front of Adam’s shirt, watching Adam’s face as he tensed under Tommy’s touch. Tommy hesitated, hands still on Adam’s chest, under the shirt. “Adam? If you don’t-“

“No, I really do,” Adam reassured, ducking his head. “I just… I’m kind of fat,” he mumbled, blushing. “I just get kind of shy-“

Tommy pushed up and kissed him. “You’re beautiful.” He pushed Adam’s shirt up. “Let me prove it.” Adam looked at him hard, then nodded, raising his arms obediently. Tommy pushed Adam’s shirt up, letting him take over when Tommy couldn’t reach further. Adam dropped his shirt and Tommy pushed into his arms before Adam could cover his middle, sliding his arms around Adam’s shoulders to pull him into a kiss. Adam moaned softly, curling his arms around Tommy’s middle. 

“Can I?” Adam asked, tentatively sliding a hand up the back of Tommy’s shirt.

Tommy pulled back and pulled his shirt off in one move, dropping it without shame. He looked at Adam’s chest and smiled, not even caring that Adam was looking at him without a shirt on. “You have freckles _everywhere_ ,” he giggled. He slid his arms around Adam’s waist and kissed his broad, freckled chest. “I like the freckles,” he whispered against Adam’s sternum. He tilted his head up and smiled when Adam looked down, noses touching. 

Adam smiled a bright, blinding smile. “You are just…” He shook his head with a sigh. 

Tommy kissed him tenderly, hands stroking along Adam’s waist teasingly, fingertips dipping into the sides of his jeans. “I’m just what?”

Adam kissed him with a smirk. “Just mine.” Adam pulled Tommy flush, one hand on his hip, the other sliding down towards his ass. Adam grabbed Tommy’s backside, pulling them together firmly, causing Tommy to moan. Tommy held onto the waist of Adam’s jeans with one hand, sliding his free hand along Adam’s skin. Adam moaned when Tommy’s thumb swiped across his nipple. He broke the kiss, groaning when Tommy kissed down his throat, nipping at the skin across his collar bone. “Tommy, are we-“

“Oh yeah,” Tommy breathed, tugging Adam by the jeans as he backed towards the bed in the corner. Adam whined and kissed him, hands sliding all over his bare torso, as if he wasn’t sure where he wanted to touch, on the way to the bed. Tommy broke the kiss and looked down when Adam’s hand slid to stroke across his crotch. He arched into the touch, looking back up to see Adam watching with pupils blown so wide the blue was nearly gone. “Mmmm, Adam,” he moaned. He looked up, breathing hard as he met Adam’s hungry yet nervous eyes with an equally hungry and equally nervous look. “I want you,” he reassured.

Adam smiled, kissing Tommy sweetly as he nodded. “Okay.” He and Tommy stood right in each other’s space as they nervously undid each other’s pants, only getting caught up a few times. They shared a nervous smile and silently agreed to strip on their own. When they came together again, completely bare, the touch of their hot, bare skin reignited the passion that nervousness had cooled. Tommy couldn’t keep his hands off of Adam. His back, his chest, ass, thighs, everything he could reach with their bodies pressed together. Adam guided Tommy towards the bed and Tommy crawled back onto it as soon as his legs hit the mattress. Adam didn’t even stand to watch a minute, just followed him, keeping them close enough the whole time to feel warmth radiating from each other’s skin. Tommy lay back against the pillows, biting his lip as he looked up at Adam. Adam kissed him, bracing himself over Tommy with one hand while touching his thigh and hip with the other.

Tommy shivered when Adam’s hand slid across his stomach and then down, pausing just north of where he wanted Adam to touch. “Please, Adam!” he breathed.

Adam hesitated. “What do you want? I want to know where to stop.” He kissed his temple, nails biting into his lower belly. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want.”

Tommy shook his head, arching towards Adam’s hand. “Just don’t stop,” he said softly, whining. “There’s- there’s oil beside the bed,” he whispered, turning to kiss Adam’s wrist. “Touch me, please!”

Adam froze. “Do- you want… really?” he asked apprehensively.

Tommy turned to look up at him. He saw the worry in Adam’s eyes, and he reached up, cupping his face. “Not if you don’t want to,” he said, pulling him into a kiss. “I only want as much as you’ll give me.”

Adam ducked his eyes. “I will, I mean I have before, but… are you sure?” he asked gently. “It hurts. I mean, at first it hurts a _lot_.”

Tommy smirked, lifting his hips to press their lower halves together, making them both moan. “I’ve tried with my fingers before, I know it hurts, but it feels good too.”

Adam’s jaw dropped and he moaned. “Fuck.”

Tommy twirled a finger around Adam’s nipple, looking down. “But if you aren’t okay, we can wait.” He looked up. “If you do want to, however, this is the only time we’ll have all night to go slow…”

Adam smiled and nodded. “Alright,” he said simply. He kissed Tommy’s lips, then his jaw, then his neck, then slid down Tommy’s body. “But I’m taking my time on you,” he said, smirking up at Tommy as he kissed inch by inch down his chest. “I’m going to be sure not a single inch of your beautiful, milky white skin goes untouched.” He kissed along one of his ribs. “Unkissed.” He lifted some and lapped at his nipple, making Tommy shudder. “Unexplored.”

Tommy moaned. “ _Yes_.”

And Adam did. 

For what felt like an eternity, Adam kissed, licked, nibbled, and sucked at skin all over Tommy’s body. From his chest, to his stomach, down his arms, along his throat and jaw, everywhere. Tommy’s nervous tension was completely gone by the time Adam was busy ‘exploring’ his legs, teasingly nibbling on the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. Tommy had one hand clenched on the bed post above him, the other digging into Adam’s hair as Adam sucked yet another little mark on a spot so high up his inner thigh that Adam’s cheek brushed his testicles with every movement. The entire time he’d been exploring Tommy, Adam had only spared a passing caress to Tommy’s erection. Just enough to have Tommy positively shaking, his body was so sensitive. “Please, Adam!” Tommy begged, tugging at his hair. “Please, I can’t take it much longer.

Adam pulled up some and looked up Tommy’s body. “Mmmm, you’re so beautiful,” he groaned in a low, erotic voice. He took the oil that Tommy had pulled from under the edge of the bed and opened it. “You sure, still?”

Tommy growled, grabbing Adam’s forearm as he spread his legs to either side of Adam pointedly. “If you don’t, I might explode,” he warned, jaw tight.

Adam shushed him, sliding a hand along his thigh in what was mean to be a soothing manner. Tommy, however, was sprung too tight, and just whined. Adam rubbed the oil around on his fingers, warming it. “Okay, if you say stop, I’ll stop right there. No matter what.” He kissed Tommy’s lips quickly. “Promise.”

Tommy nodded as Adam sat back on his heels, kneeling between Tommy’s legs. “It’s okay, I trust you.” Adam looked up into Tommy’s eyes as he leaned up, kneeling with one hand on Tommy’s middle as he reached down, sliding a finger along his skin until he found Tommy’s entrance. Tommy was still relaxed from being licked and touched all over and he nodded, biting his bottom lip. Adam carefully pressed, allowing his first finger to slip through the ring of muscle. Tommy’s breath hitched slightly, but otherwise he seemed okay. Adam kept his eyes on Tommy as he spread him open with one finger. After a few minutes of mostly Tommy wiggling and making only the slightest pained noises, Adam attempted more. Adam repeated this slow, careful, gentle method until Tommy was whining and rocking down against the three fingers, Adam had inside of him. “S’good. More, please!” Adam curled his fingers and Tommy squirmed, breath hitching. “Ooooh Adam, Adam, please!”

Adam moaned, kissing him hard, absolutely devouring him with his fingers still inside. “You look so gorgeous, Tommy. You look so good for me.”

Tommy opened his eyes, looking into Adam’s as he panted against his lips. Adam’s fingers still moving in him. “I’m okay, swear, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not at all.”

Adam moaned. “It will hurt again, I’m sorry, it will, but it will get good,” he babbled, kissing Tommy’s lips between words as he reached down between his own legs, stroking himself with oil. “It will be so good, I promise-“

Tommy nodded. “I know, I believe you, please,” he whined.

Adam sat up and paused, mind clearing for a moment as he looked down at him. “Better idea,” he said, patting at Tommy’s hip. “Lemme lay down and you get on top of me.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow but moved, letting Adam lay back, propped on his elbows as he looked up. “You sure?” Tommy asked, slinging a leg over Adam, kneeling over him.

Adam nodded, smiling as he reached up and tugged Tommy down to kiss him, stroking his cheek. “You can go as slow as you need to. I’ll help hold you if you get tired, but this way I won’t accidentally hurt you.” 

Tommy smiled softly, and he kissed Adam slowly, sucking on his bottom lip sweetly. “Adam, stop worrying so much,” he soothed.

Adam just smiled, cupping his face. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

Tommy grinned. “Sweetest boy ever,” he said, then kissed him with a smack as he sat up. He balanced with a hand on Adam’s stomach as he reached down behind himself. He shifted and Adam groaned, tensing as he felt Tommy’s hands guiding him into place. “Okay?” he asked Adam, who nodded. Tommy closed his eyes, biting his lip as he slowly began to lower himself onto Adam, breath hitching as Adam began to slide into him. Adam’s eyes widened and he held onto Tommy’s hips as he threw his head back, whining as Adam slipped into him. By the time Tommy was seated with Adam as deep as he dared take him, his head had fallen forward, eyes clenched shut as he breathed. 

Adam, biting his lip against the hot, tight feeling of Tommy around him, soothingly stroked his thigh. “It’s okay, baby. You’re okay,” he comforted.

Tommy’s eyes fluttered open and Adam saw tears in his eyes. “I’m fine,” he said, voice tight. He swallowed and slowly shifted, gasping. “Fuck,” he forced out through gritted teeth.

Adam was in heaven, tight hot heaven, but he could see the pain in Tommy’s face. “Tommy, don’t be tough, if you can’t-“

“I’m okay, I am,” Tommy stressed. He shook his head. “God, so big,” he breathed. He looked up at Adam and whimpered. “Fuck, c’mere, kiss me.”

Adam shifted, making Tommy gasp, and kissed him, forcefully putting everything he could into the kiss to distract Tommy until the pain faded. He reached between them and grasped Tommy’s flagging erection and stroked him, thumb sliding along the slit. “It’s okay, just breathe,” he whispered and Tommy nodded. Tommy rocked slightly, testing the waters. They continued like that for a few minutes until Tommy’s rocking relaxed him further. He groaned into the kiss, sitting up after it broke, only to cry out and shudder, eyes flying wide. 

“Oh!”

Adam moaned, grinning. “There?” he asked and Tommy nodded, putting his hands on Adam’s middle to balance as he began to rise up and slide back down. It wasn’t long at all until Tommy was panting, head tossed back as he shifted up and down on Adam’s cock quickly, groaning when Adam slid inside him just right. Adam moaned, hands sliding wherever he could touch as Tommy rode him, face a mask of erotic pleasure. When Tommy began to make annoyed sounds as he slowed, clearly growing fatigued, Adam caught his waist. “It’s okay, I got you, shhhh.” He sat up, curling his arms around Tommy tightly. “Just slow down,” he purred. He reached down and squeezed Tommy’s ass, slowly shifting his hips and rocking up into Tommy’s tight, hot body in teasing slides.

Tommy whined, curling his arms around Adam’s neck as he hid his face against his throat. “Oh God, please, Adam, please more- Oh!” Adam was going just right, just the right direction, and at the perfect pressure, that pleasure spiked up Tommy’s spine with every unfairly slow movement. “Baby, more!” he whined, only to yelp when Adam held him tight and fell back, pulling Tommy down on top of him. Tommy moved, only to find himself held in place by Adam’s arms tight around him, holding their bodies flush. Tommy began to question Adam’s move until Adam got his feet planted and thrust into him, startling a pleasured whine out of him. “Oh! Oh God,” he gasped, one hand fisted in Adam’s hair, the other curled around his shoulder. “Adam, Adam, oh!” He lifted his head and met Adam’s hard, deep kiss, tongue fucking into his mouth the same way Adam thrust up into him- hard but slow. Every time Adam canted his hips and thrust up into Tommy, their stomachs slid against each other, trapping Tommy’s erection between them. “Fuck, I won’t last like this,” he panted, mouthing at Adam’s chest as he turned his head to the side. He let go of Adam’s hair to slide both arms under Adam’s shoulders, hands cupping the tops of his shoulders as he held on.

“I know, I wanna get you there like this,” Adam panted, arms curled so tight around Tommy that his nails were leaving white crescents in Tommy’s back. “God I wanna take you there, Tommy, wanna see you,” he whimpered.

Tommy lifted his head to kiss him, only to cry out when the way it it shifted Adam inside of him was _perfect_ “Oh God! Adam! Adam, oh Adam I’m- I’m-“ Tommy’s eyes flew wide and his face was frozen in a look of the most beautiful agony ever as he shuddered, nails gouging into Adam’s shoulders as he came between them.

Between the most beautiful Tommy had ever looked to the way Tommy’s body clutched him like a vice, Adam barely had time to clutch at Tommy’s side and ass and give a few hard, frantic thrusts before he, too, reached his peak, breathlessly whispering Tommy’s name. When he fell back, fully relaxed, he let out a strangled whine, gasping out Tommy’s name as he turned his face into Tommy’s hair. “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy oh God,” he gasped, still holding his shaking lover tight.

Tommy let out a satisfied moan, though his body kept twitching. “Adam,” he whined softly, biting lightly at Adam’s chest when Adam shifted inside of him again, proving too much for his overstimulated flesh. “Too much,” he whimpered, and Adam cringed. 

“Yeah, hang on.” He pressed his lips to Tommy’s head as he rolled them over, slipping out of Tommy as he let Tommy fall limp to the mattress beneath him, kneeling over him to look him over. He looked between the flushed, sweaty skin of Tommy’s face, neck, and chest, the way he still shivered, to the mess all over his stomach. Tommy looked like the most gorgeous thing Adam had ever seen. “God, you are just…” He shook his head.

Tommy bit his lip, eyes still somewhat glazed over. “I’m what?” he asked, looking somewhere between absolutely sated, and unguarded and vulnerable in a way Adam had never seen him.

Adam leaned in and kissed him, cupping his sweaty cheek gently. “You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect,” he whispered against his lips.

Tommy grinned, smiling brightly as he shifted onto his side, watching as Adam sat at the edge of the bed and collected himself before looking around for something to clean up with. He watched as Adam stood on shaky legs and shivered, fighting a goofy grin when he realized _I did that to him_. Adam picked through the clothes and grabbed his undershirt out of his shirt where Tommy had pulled them off together. Adam wiped at his own stomach and crotch before coming back to bed, stopping to snag the bottle of bourbon, and come back to where Tommy lay. “Hi,” Tommy said with a tiny grin, tilting his lips up to kiss Adam when he sat on the bed. Adam didn’t stop kissing Tommy as he cleaned him off and then tossed the shirt onto the floor. 

“Hi back,” Adam said with a grin, crawling over Tommy to fall against the pillows, propping against the headboard, his far leg bent at the knee so he was angled towards Tommy. He opened the bourbon and took a drink from the bottle, passing it to Tommy. Tommy rolled over onto his stomach, pressing his left leg to Adam’s right as he held himself on his elbows long enough to take a drink. He handed the bottle back, and then curled his arms under his head, looking up at Adam with a bright twinkle in his eyes. Adam couldn’t fight a crazy smile as he saw the way Tommy was looking at him. “You’re so beautiful,” he laughed out softly, reaching over to scratch at Tommy’s hair, ruffling it from Tommy’s spot next to his hip.

Tommy giggled and shifted, pressing back into the hand in his hair. “That was… perfect, Adam,” he said softly. “You made me feel just-“ He shuddered, eyes rolling back. “Incredible.” 

Adam nodded. “Sex has never been like that. Never.” He passed the bottle back to Tommy and wiggled down, grabbing at the thin sheet to bring up over them. Tommy took a drink the sat the bottle on the floor, rolling around to slide into Adam’s arms. Adam kissed Tommy slowly, lapping at the lingering taste of bourbon, before letting Tommy pull away and lay on his chest. 

“Adam?” Tommy mumbled and Adam hummed, stroking his fingers along Tommy’s back gently. “Would it scare you if I told you that, between telling the guys about my life, playing on stage with you, and this, today has been the best day of my life?” he asked timidly.

Adam smiled and shook his head, leaning down to kiss his hair. “No, Tommy Joe.” He curled his arms around Tommy and held him as the rain began to patter against the window and door. “Because it’s definitely been the best day of mine.” Tommy smiled against Adam’s chest and Adam felt it, prompting him to hold Tommy even closer as the warm, humid summer night and spluttering candles reflecting off their sweat-cooled skin lulled them to sleep in each other’s arms.

Tommy was dreaming of Adam in the setting sun, his freckles showing clearer than ever in the orange light, when he was startled awake by a loud crash by the door. Tommy jerked awake, sitting up with a mild panic, not sure where he was for a moment, only to pause when his eyes landed on his mother standing at the door. “Ma?” he asked yawning. “What time’s it-“ He blinked and his vision cleared, showing him that he was definitely _not_ at home in his bed. He looked at the window, the burned out candles and lamp, then back at Beulah, who was standing in the door, staring at him with a look of utter shock on her face.

“Baby?” Adam’s sleepy voice mumbled, tugging at the covers Tommy had pulled. “S’wrong?”

Tommy’s head snapped around and he went pale, blood freezing in his veins as he looked from Adam to Beulah. She looked at Adam and then at Tommy, and finally her shock transformed into a dawning sense of horror. “Oh God no,” she gasped, then turned and ran before Tommy could react.

“NO!” Tommy flew out of the bed. “Shit, shit, shit, fuck- MA!” he shouted, dragging on his jeans and shirt, running for the door. He leapt over the crate of whiskey his mother had dropped - many of the bottles had broken – and took off down the stairs. “MAMA PLEASE!” he called, hopping into one boot in the alley, stumbling into the wall before turning the corner. He ran down the sidewalk and burst into the bar hopping on one leg as he pulled on his other boot. “MAMA I CAN EXPLAIN-“ He rushed to the counter just as Beulah came storming out, crying. “Ma-“

“I SWEAR TO GOD, CHILD! YOU LIVE TO KILL ME, DON’T YOU?!” she yelled, crying in a way he had never seen her do. “I SWEAR TO GOD, BOY-“

Henry followed her out. “Beulah what on God’s green earth has happened?!” he demanded. “Woman, will you speak sense?!” He turned to Tommy, who stood there, panting and completely pale. Henry looked him over. “Where did you come from anyhow, son? What’re you doing here already-“

“I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HE WAS DOIN’!” Beulah shouted, completely beyond any calming. 

The situation was only made worse when the door swung open and Adam came walking in, looking worried. “Tommy, are you okay? I heard shouting-“

Tommy turned around to signal for Adam to stop. Beulah beat him to it. “YOU!” she spat acridly. “You get your ass out of my bar right now, you son of a bitch-“

“BEULAH!” Henry cried in shock. “Beulah, what the hell has put you in this state-“

Tommy didn’t think it could get worse until the moment a voice spoke from behind the bar, interrupting Henry. “I told you to stop it,” Missouri said darkly, glaring at Tommy. “I _told you_ to stop before you messed up.”

Beulah turned on her. “You knew?!” she asked, horrified. “Damn it, why didn’t you tell me-“

Missouri sighed. “And do this to you, Mama?” she asked. She glared at Tommy. “Unlike somebody, I actually give a damn about you, Mama.”

Adam tensed when Tommy turned around to look at Missouri with a blank look of shock. “How dare you?” he asked in a weak voice. “You think I don’t love my mother just as much as you?!” he cried, outraged.

Henry threw his hands up. “Well somebody tell me what the hell is going on?!”

Tommy held up a hand. “Mama, Missouri, wait,” he said firmly, then turned to Adam. “You better go-“

Adam looked at the glares his way and a confused look from Henry and hesitated. “You sure? I don’t want you to get hurt-“

“If anybody’s hurting him it sure as hell ain’t his family,” Missouri spoke up, and Adam flinched back.

Tommy glared over his shoulder. “You shut up, damn it!” he said, not missing the angry look his parents gave him. “Adam, they wouldn’t hurt me,” he reassured. “Just go. Don’t worry, we’ll talk soon,” he said, pushing him towards the door.

Adam bit his lip but nodded. “Okay but if you need me-“

“I’ll come find you,” Tommy whispered, then pushed him out the door and shut it behind him. He leaned against the black door for a minute before turning around. He walked back out and stopped. “Missouri-

Henry held up a hand. “Boy, I don’t care what is going on, you don’t talk to a woman like that. And definitely not your sister,” he said in a harsh tone. He looked between them and then turned to Beulah. “Now, can somebody calmly tell me what happened?”

Beulah just let out a broken sob, shaking her head. “Swear to God, Henry, he’s gonna send me to an early grave. I knew it when he started fightin’ in school, I just knew he’d be the death of me-“

“Honey, I sincerely doubt Tommy is gonna be the death of you,” Henry said softly. “Now tell me what has got you like this?”

Tommy swallowed hard and looked away when Henry tried to catch his eye. Missouri looked at Beulah crying and stepped up. “I don’t know what happened but I can guess,” she said, looking at Tommy. “Not long back I caught Tommy and Adam in the alley,” she said, nodding at the side of the building where they alley is. Henry looked confused and she cringed. “They were kissing.”

Tommy couldn’t even look at his father when he heard a shocked gasp from the man who was never thrown by anything. “Is that true?” he asked, and Tommy swallowed hard, fighting the lump in his throat. 

Beulah spoke up. “Oh it’s true alright. Just as true as how I just found my one and only son naked as the day he was born, sleepin’ in the old room around back next to that bastard that just ran off,” she said in a cold voice. “I sure never thought I’d ever find my child passed out naked with a bottle of liquor when I took that crate up to the storage room.”

Tommy sniffled, blinking hard against the tears in his eyes. The silence stretched until Tommy had to break and look up. Missouri was standing at the bar looking disgusted, Beulah was still crying and angry, and Henry was staring at Tommy with what could only be shock and disappointment on his face. Nothing hurt worse than his father looking so disappointed in him. “Pops, I can explain,” Tommy started, though he had no idea where he was going with the notion.

Henry held up a hand. “She said you were passed out with a bottle of liquor,” he started. “You tell me boy. Did that man get you drunk and hurt you?” he asked and Tommy shook his head, tears slipping down his cheeks.

“No,” he said in a broken voice. No matter what, he couldn’t let his father think that. “We weren’t drunk. Wasn’t passed out. The bourbon we were drinking was still most of a bottle. We had a drink and a half each,” he whispered. “Adam never hurt me,” he stressed.

Henry sighed and shook his head. “Then what are you saying, son,” he asked, though his tone said he already knew enough.

Tommy shook his head, sniffling. “He’s my steady,” he said simply. “I-“ He let out a small sob. “I’m a queer, Pops.”

“No,” Beulah argued, shaking her head. “My child is not a queer. I know you ain’t-“

Tommy burst out. “THAT IS THE SAME THING MISSIOURI SAID AND IT’S A LIE!” he screamed, crying as he slid to the floor on his knees. “You can’t- you can’t just wish it away,” he cried weakly, slouched over. “I tried, Ma, I tried so hard,” he whispered wetly. “Me and Adam, we tried our hardest to be normal friends. All I wanted was a friend,” he said weakly. “But it didn’t work. Wishin’ things were different didn’t change anything,” he said firmly. “I’m as much of a queer now as I was the second I kissed him.”

Missouri spoke up. “No, but you could’ve stopped it, Tommy!” She shook her head. “God, you selfish brat, I told you! I told you to stop it before something happened! I told you Mama would be the person to suffer, and look what happened! What next?!” she challenged. “What if it hadn’t been her? What if it had been somebody else? That night I caught you kissin’, I could’ve been anybody,” she snapped. “The wrong person sees the wrong thing and you’re dead, Tommy! I told you, I won’t see my only brother killed for being a queer-“

“Damn straight you won’t!” Beulah said angrily. “It ends now, Tommy Joe. You never talk to that boy again! If you get caught you’ll go to prison. Or get killed by bad people.”

Tommy shook his head, letting out another overwhelmed sob. “I can’t, Ma-“ 

“You can and you will!” she argued.

Tommy looked up. “I _can’t_! I feel happy,” he whispered brokenly. “Do you know how happy I am with friends? With him? Do you have any idea how lonely it is being the only boy in the family and the only white man in the neighborhood full of people distrustful of white men? I love ya’ll but I don’t have anybody besides John. Twenty-one years and one friend. Now I’ve got two good friends and a person who makes me smile no matter what. You can’t expect me to go back to being so alone.”

“IT’S BETTER THAN DEAD!” Beulah shouted, and Henry sighed, holding up his hands.

“Alright, alright, stop!” He turned to Missouri. “You and your mama go calm down in the back,” he directed. He walked over to Tommy and held out a hand. Tommy took his hand and let him pull him up. “You go clean yourself up, calm down, go to work, then tonight when you get home, you and I can talk,” he said heavily.

Tommy bit his lip, fighting a pained sound. “Am I still welcome at home?” he asked and Henry looked like he’d been slapped.

Henry stared, eyes pained. “Tommy Joe,” he started in a gruff voice. He swallowed. “Tommy, you are _always_ welcome at home. I don’t care what you do, I don’t care if you killed somebody, you are _always_ my son, and you always have a home.”

Tommy nodded, wiping his face off. “Thank you, Pops.”

Henry smiled sadly. “We’ll talk later, boy.”

Tommy left, wiping at his face as he headed to go home, change clothes, then make it to work in time for his afternoon shift. He only hoped he didn’t lose a finger from the distraction around heavy machinery.

When Tommy got home, it was clear that neither his mother or Missouri were going to speak to him. At dinner, the only one to talk to him at all was Kittie. He knew she could tell something was wrong but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let her know what happened. Henry wasn’t avoiding him but he didn’t seem to have anything to say to him.

After dinner, Tommy went to his bedroom and stayed there until he heard the girls go to sleep in their room and his parents turn on the television in the living room. He grabbed his guitar and snuck out the back door, circling around to go sit on the front porch. He usually sat in one of the chairs out there, but that was by the living room window so he went to the swing that was on the side with the kitchen. He sat on the swing and let it sway as he played softly, careful not to be heard. He didn’t know how long he sat, just playing and focusing on everything he could that wasn’t the way his family couldn’t even look at him.

Tommy was staring down at the guitar when the door opened. He looked up in surprise, only to see his father walk out. He looked back down, nervously chewing on his lip. Henry walked over and sat down on the swing next to him. “How’re you doing, Tommy?” he asked softly.

Tommy snorted, looking away, out at the street. “All I’ve got in life is my family and now they won’t even look at me.” He shook his head. “How do you think I’m doing?”

Henry sighed. “I’m sorry, Tommy.” He leaned back, looking over at Tommy. “You understand, don’t you? That what you’re doing… it’s wrong.”

Tommy tensed. “But it’s not,” he said softly. He looked at his father. “It’s not _wrong_. It may not be normal but nothing can be wrong with caring about another person the way I care about him. It’s the most ‘right’ thing I’ve ever felt.”

Henry shook his head. “Okay, maybe it isn’t wrong, but it’s dangerous, Tommy. I honestly don’t care. I’m not comfortable with you liking men, it’s strange and abnormal, but me and your mama only care that you can get hurt,” he stressed. “You’re our son. We love you, Tommy.” He looked him in the eyes. “It’s illegal. And not ‘go to jail and get picked up’ like your fighting and protesting, but the kind where you can end up on a work farm.” He shook his head. “And even beyond that, even if this is California, not Alabama, if the wrong person finds out, you’ll get beat up or even killed.” Henry gave him a pained look. “We cannot lose you,” he said, reaching out to grab Tommy’s shoulder firmly. “You and your sisters are the very most important things in this world. Your mama and I cannot lose any of you, Tommy,” he said in a tight, pained voice. “You’re playing with fire, Tommy. It’s worse than fighting. It’s worse than protesting. You’re doing something that is illegal, will mark you for life, and can get you killed. Even if it isn’t morally wrong, it’s real-life dangerous to run around with men-“

“Man.” Tommy interrupted, looking away. “Not men, it’s just Adam.” He snorted. “I had a girlfriend before. Well, not a real girlfriend, she said nobody could know, so I’m not sure I’d say anything steady was going on. But I like girls, too. Didn’t know I liked men until Adam.”

Henry let out a relieved sigh. “That’s good. That’s really good.” He squeezed his shoulder. “See? You can be normal, Tommy. You can find you a girl you like-“

Tommy shook his hand off, glaring. “I am not normal. I have never been normal. You being my daddy is as ‘not normal’ as it can get!” he argued. “There are other men that like men out there, but I’ve never heard tell of another white man with a black family. I fight every damn day for people to accept our family as ‘normal’ when it’s as different as different gets. You’re gonna sit here and tell me it’s okay to be different when it comes to my family, but not when it comes to anything else?”

Henry sighed. “I told you, wrong and right doesn’t change illegal and dangerous-“

Tommy interrupted him to continue. “And you act like I chose to like Adam and can just stop and find some girl! If I had met a girl I wanted to be with, you think I wouldn’t have did that? Hell, you think I wasn’t just as terrified of all the things you are when I realized how I felt for him?” he asked, tears filling his eyes. “I’m _terrified_ ,” he whispered in a pained voice. “Every day I’m afraid somebody will look at me and know. It’s just like the anger I’ve felt about people treating me like I don’t fit and treating you like you’re not the same.” He shook his head, a tear slipping down his cheek. “It never goes away. I’ve been angry as long as I can remember and now I’m scared too.” He sniffled and shook his head. “I didn’t choose this, Pops. I can’t just ‘stop it’ like Missouri told me to-“

Henry shook his head, a sad look on his face. “Why not, Tommy? You meet all kinds of people. A boy your age usually has different dates all the time.”

Tommy snorted. “A ‘date’, yeah.” He ducked his head, wiping at his tears. “Nobody- man, woman, nothing- has ever made me feel the way he does, okay? I’ve had dates in high school. I liked a girl since then. It isn’t like that this time.”

“Then what is it, Tommy? You’re risking your damn life like a fool for some boy,” Henry grumble din frustration. “You don’t make sense. What could that boy have to offer that’s worth more than your life?!”

Tommy looked up, nothing but cold fear in his eyes as he looked at his father. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him,” he finally admitted- both to himself and out loud- for the first time ever. He let out a weak sob, dropping his face into his hands. “I love him and I can’t stop, Pops.”

Henry stared in shock, lifting a shaking hand to touch Tommy’s shoulder. “Jesus, son,” he whispered weakly. 

Tommy just let out a sob. “I’m so scared,” he cried, trembling. “I know. I know how dangerous it is. I know what could happen, but I can’t stop. I can’t- can’t not love him and I can’t not see him, I can’t, _I can’t_!”

Henry reached out and pulled Tommy into a hug, eyes burning as his grown up son cried in his arms. “It’s okay, Tommy, it’s gonna be okay, don’t worry-“

“But it won’t!” Tommy sobbed. “What do I do? Tell me what I do! My family can’t look at me and I love a _man_ and _nothing about this will ever be okay_!” 

Henry just shushed him, unable to offer any words of comfort. The truth was, Tommy was right. Nothing good could ever come of him loving another man. There was no way it could end well. Absolutely no way at all. “I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can’t, son,” he whispered, unable to hide the one tear that slipped down his cheek at the realization that he couldn’t do a damn thing to help his child.

It was three days before Tommy saw Adam. He called him from work and Adam had been so relieved to hear from him that he took the bus all the way across town from his mother’s house to the garage to meet Tommy when he got off work. Tommy was still wearing his jump suit with the arms tied around his waist, covered in grease, when Adam pulled him into a hug right there in the lot. Nobody was around, so Tommy wasn’t worried, but he tensed and pulled away so quickly Adam gave him a horrified look.

“Oh God, I’m sorry-“

Tommy shook his head. “No, no, just… you’ll get all dirty,” he said, gesturing to his clothes and hands. “Seriously, not that.” He glanced at the open doors to the shop and didn’t see Joe so he turned back and leaned up to kiss Adam quickly, barely more than a peck. “We’re okay, promise.”

Adam relaxed. “Thank God, I was worried you might-“

Tommy shook his head, giving the lines on Adam’s tensed forehead an annoyed look. “Don’t be stupid,” he said, rolling his eyes at Adam. “Come on, you’re the best thing in my life right now, you really think I’d give that up?”

The worry lines disappeared and Adam smiled brightly. “Well I hoped not, but you never know.”

Tommy gave him a pointed, playful glare. “You should know. This is me we’re talking about. Give me some credit.”

Adam smiled and fell into step with Tommy as they walked through the yard. “I don’t know, things could’ve gone really bad. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had to cut me out to save your relationship with your family,” he said, then gave Tommy a worried look. “How did that work out?” he asked nervously.

Tommy sighed, mouth tightening into a line. “Well, the positive side is they all seem to not really find me morally disgusting or anything. I know they don’t understand, but nobody seemed to focus on how wrong it was to be with a man as much as they are all terrified about what could happen if we got caught.” He smiled sadly. “I think my old man understands best, cause he was able to calm down and really talk, not just yell and cry, but he’s still all for me stopping having anything to do with you. They all think I’m either going to end up on a work farm cause it’s illegal, or get hurt or possibly even killed by violent people.”

Adam sighed. “Yeah, that’s kind of the reality of my fears since I was about thirteen years old,” he mumbled.

Tommy nodded. “I told my Pops, I said I was scared about it all the time. He can’t understand why I’d still risk being with a man if I was scared and if I still like girls.”

Adam bit his lip and glanced sideways at him as they walked down the block. “Why do you?” he asked softly. “I mean, I couldn’t be with a woman if I had to. I honestly don’t think I could even marry some girl as a cover. I’d never be able to touch a woman or fake a relationship with her. I don’t even know if my life depended on it if I could.” He looked at Tommy. “But you could. You could get away from this. You wouldn’t be so scared, you wouldn’t be in danger… so why don’t you?” he asked.

Tommy stopped walking, staring at Adam. “Why does it sound like you want me to?” he demanded, and Adam shook his head quickly. “You make it sound like you wish I would ‘get away’ from you.”

“No, no,” Adam defended. “I don’t want you to, I’m just asking because… well you could.” He shrugged. “If it wasn’t you, for me, it would just be some other man or nobody at all. But you could have a normal life with a woman. I don’t want you to, never, I guess I’m just curious,” he said softly.

Tommy fell back into step and shook his head incredulously. “Obviously you don’t understand how I feel about you,” he said in a small, worried voice. “You wouldn’t have to ask, Adam. Cause nobody else would be what you are.” He looked up at him, pain in his eyes. “Do you really think I could have a ‘normal life’ with some woman and it be the same as you?”

Adam’s eyes softened and he smiled sadly. “No, Tommy, I don’t mean that. I just mean that… you could fake it the way I can’t. I’m not saying I think you would be the same, but you could _do it_ and escape all the fear and worry.”

Tommy grinned suddenly. “You forget where you met me, Adam. I don’t let fear stop me,” he teased. He smiled. “You scared me, man.” He bumped their shoulders. “I thought you were doubting how I feel about you.”

Adam laughed. “No, you square.” He shrugged. “I just know that for me, there is no other option. I don’t know if I could walk away from you if the option was there, I can’t possibly know how that would feel, so I can’t know how you must feel about this. I want you, but I also have the knowledge that if I left you, it would just be another man someday, and it makes no sense to give up the best thing in my life for more danger.”

Tommy grumbled. “It doesn’t make sense to give up the best thing in my life for a safe but unhappy alternative.” He sighed. “I wasn’t lying when I told my parents that I have never felt this happy. It isn’t even just you, even just having friends finally, I didn’t really know how much happiness I was missing. I didn’t know how lonely I was. What I felt as ‘kinda lonely’ and ‘sorta bummed’ would be unbearable compared to now.” He looked at Adam. “You and the friends I made through you have given me so much happiness, I don’t know if I could go back to before without giving up on everything. And yes, that scares me, but I don’t give up. I’m a fighter. I started fighting the bad things in life the minute some chick left me to die after she popped me out, and I’ve been fighting for what I want since then.” He shook his head. “Nothing is going to change that about me. And it’s scary as hell but I’ll fight that fear and worry for you because I _want_ it. I want the way things are now. I want to feel this happy.” He looked up at Adam. “I want how happy you make me, so I’ll fight to keep it until either I don’t want it or you don’t want me.”

Adam gave him a look so strong and so full of admiration, Tommy’s throat closed on him. Adam just shook his head, a smile splitting his face. “How did I meet you? You are unlike anybody in this world, Tommy Joe.”

Tommy shrugged. “We got lucky, I s’pose.”

Adam giggled and bumped their shoulders again. “I suppose we did.”

For over a week, nobody in his family, not even his father or Kittie, spoke to him. He knew Henry didn’t know what to say to him. Kittie just knew that something was wrong, and didn’t want to make things worse by asking. Tommy expected much longer before he heard someone say his name. What he didn’t expect, however, was for the first time someone said his name to follow screaming.

Tommy was barely dressed and about to leave the room for breakfast when he heard the door slam open and Kittie screaming, “MAMA! MAMA THIS CAME FOR TOMMY!” Tommy heard how panicked she sounded and started out into the hall just in time to run into Missouri. They shared a look, then rushed down the hall, only to come into the kitchen just in time to see Kittie crying and Beulah hanging onto the counter like it was the only thing keeping her on her feet. She stared at a card in her hand with a look of nothing less than the most fear that Tommy could ever remember seeing on anybody in her eyes.

“Ma? What’s wrong?” Tommy asked, startled when Kittie ran over and threw her arms around him, holding him like he was going to disappear as she cried into his shirt. “Kittie, what’s the matter?”

Beulah looked up at him and shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “No. No not my baby. Not my boy,” she whispered, cold fear lacing every syllable.

“What’s all the yelling?” Henry asked, coming out of the bathroom, still wiping the left over shaving foam off his face. He saw Kittie crying and looked at his wife and stopped. “Beulah? What’s wrong.”

She let out a broken sound and slumped against the counter, dropping the card like it was diseased. “No. No it’s wrong. I’m seeing things. It’s a dream, it has to be,” she babbled. She looked up at Henry and shook her head. “Not my baby boy, not Tommy,” she said urgently.

Tommy watched in confusion as Henry bent down to pick up the card and froze almost as soon as he got upright. His hands started shaking as he read the card. “Pops, what’s wrong? What about me?” he asked, looking between Kittie – who was still clinging to him – and then to his mother, who looked like she was one stiff breeze from shattering right there in the kitchen.

Henry shook his head. “He’s an only son, it can’t be,” he said. Missouri gasped, and Tommy looked over to see a hand flying to her mouth.

Tommy frowned, more confused. “Somebody tell me what’s going on,” he demanded as the unease washed over him in waves.

Henry turned and walked to him, holding out the card. Tommy took it around Kittie, and automatically understood with a dawning terror the second he read the first three words at the top of the card. 

_Selective Service System_

Tommy sat on the front steps, staring at the card in his hands as he tried to block out the sounds of his mother cursing everything under the sun and both his sisters crying. Every sound came so easily through the screen door that separated the porch and the living room. He was in shock. Cold, simple, _real_ shock. Other than his initial rise of panic, he couldn’t even feel fear through his completely detached feeling of shock.

It was like he was watching someone else reading the words “ORDER TO REPORT FOR ARMED FORCES PHYSICAL EXAMINATION” across the top of the card addressed to him. It didn’t feel real at all.

Henry sat down beside him and Tommy looked up, knowing he had to look just as in shock as his father. “Tommy?” Henry asked gently, and Tommy swallowed.

“What do I do?” he asked, voice hoarse. “Pops I- this can’t happen.” He shook his head. “I _protest_ this war for God’s sake. I’ve picketed outside recruitment offices, I’ve marched on the college campus, I- I’m friends with peace marchers,” he stressed. “This cannot happen.” He swallowed. “What do I do?” he asked weakly. “I don’t- I don’t want to be a soldier. I don’t want to die. I- I don’t want to _die_ ,” he breathed, the fear finally catching him. “I’m going to die in some strange place. Oh my God, I’m gonna die before I’m thirty- I don’t want to _die before I’m thirty_ -”

Henry grabbed his shoulder, determination in his features. “You won’t.” He shook his head. “You are not going to war. We’ll get you out of this,” he stressed. He gave Tommy a pained look. “I know what war is like, and I’ll be damned if my child is going to see that,” he said with a far-away, haunted look in his eyes. 

Tommy shook his head. “What do I do?”

“You go for the physical like it says, to start with,” Henry said. 

“What will that do?” They turned to see Beulah at the door. She walked over and stood over them. “There isn’t some way to stop this before it even gets that far?” she asked.

Henry looked up at his wife. “Well, he’s little,” he said, and normally Tommy would be offended, but he saw his father’s reasoning. “He should go on the off chance he doesn’t pass a physical. If he’s not healthy enough, he’ll get a four-F and we’re in the clear.”

Tommy flinched. “What if I’m one-A?” he asked fearfully.

Beulah sat down on the porch, just above them. “What can we do, Henry?” she asked, reaching out to slide her fingers through Tommy’s hair, playing with it with an almost heartbroken look in her eyes. “He’s my little boy,” she whispered, voice cracking.

Henry smiled sadly but turned to Tommy. “If you get drafted now, since so many people are against the war, there are appeals processes, almost. You can ask for an appointment to meet with the local draft board,” he explained. “You should be able to get out of it because you’re an only son. Only sons aren’t supposed to be drafted. It’s not cut and dry, but it’s usually set up where boys who are only sons are passed over. Also, you’re only twenty-one. They usually pick older men first. From eighteen to twenty-six, you’re closer to eighteen.”

Beulah shook her head. “A lot of boys are getting drafted, Henry. What if being an only son ain’t enough?” she asked.

Henry looked at Tommy, then nodded. “Alright, you’re a protestor. You can tell them you’re a conscientious objector. It isn’t as easy to get as religious objection, but you prove to them that you’re an anti-war protestor and you’ll get a pass. You could still get put on a base,” he warned. “They put some COs in clerical positions, and since you work with a mechanic, they might put you still put you in and put you in a garage.”

Tommy swallowed, but nodded. “That’s- it’s not okay, but I won’t get killed in a jungle. It could work.” He looked up. “But… one of those should work, right? I should either get off on the ‘only son’ thing, the conscientious objection, or put in a non-fighting spot at worst case, right?” he asked, pleading for reassurance.

Henry hesitated, but nodded. “Should be. It really should,” he said, trailing off.

Beulah nodded. “Sounds like you’ll- you’ll be okay. You got four chances at least. Failed physical, only son, war protestor, and worst case a non-combat position.” She looked a little less terrified. “You’ll be okay. I know you will.” She kissed his head. “You’re my baby boy, you’ll be fine. You have to be.”

After a frantic morning, Tommy wasn’t too surprised that everybody seemed to have forgotten all about the way they had stopped speaking over the whole ‘queer’ thing, but after a lunch of the whole family trying to push away the armed forces summons, Tommy wasn’t going to remind them. He was talking to his family again and he wasn’t going to jeopardize that.

Especially if there was a chance he was going to be drafted.

Tommy knew when he told his parents he was going out for a drink with Joe after work that they didn’t believe him. He also knew they refused to think about what he might really be doing. He also didn’t tell them that, at the corner, he used the payphone to call in sick to work and then call Adam and ask him to come get him.

Adam kissed Tommy’s eyelids, smiling as he stroked along his cheek. “You’re so pretty,” he said, kissing his nose, then his lips. “The moon makes you glow.”

They had spent the afternoon with Brad and Neil, so Tommy hadn’t had a chance to talk to Adam until they left. Afterwards, however, when Tommy said he wanted to talk, Adam suggested they go up to the overlook in the hills where Adam had taken him once before. When they got there, Tommy had tried to start talking, only to chicken out and cover by kissing Adam. They had ended up in the back seat with a blanket left over from a trip to the beach covering them - just in case somebody came up on them - as they used their alone time to explore each other again. Tommy now knew how every one of those freckles he liked tasted. 

Tommy made a face when Adam kissed the tip of his nose. “I don’t _glow_.” He giggled when Adam kissed his eyebrow. “Adam!” he squeaked, swatting at him. “You’re being silly.”

Adam stopped but sighed, looking down at Tommy from his spot with one leg over Tommy’s body, his elbow holding him up to look down at Tommy beneath him. It was a cramped fit for Adam in the backseat, but Tommy was little, so they fit just right. “You do glow. Cause you’re way more beautiful than the moon,” he said in a low voice.

Tommy smiled a warm, happy, contented smile up at his lover. He reached up and pushed Adam’s hair behind his ear, only to stop, hand lingering, as he realized that happy, carefree look on Adam’s face was going to be replaced as soon as he told him. Tommy’s heart clenched at the thought of being taken away from Adam. He knew Adam was going to be just as scared as his parents. “Oh God,” he breathed.

Adam frowned. “Tommy? What’s wrong.” He rubbed a hand across his chest. “You got all tense.”

Tommy swallowed and stroked Adam’s jaw. “We need to talk,” he began, closing his eyes momentarily. “I was trying to talk all night, I just couldn’t- I didn’t know how to start. But- but I can’t ignore it anymore.”

“What’s wrong, Baby?” Adam asked, tapping at his side.

Tommy held Adam’s face in his right hand, catching Adam’s left with his own to hold against his chest. “Before you panic, know we’ve got a plan to stop it from happening,” he started, then took a quick breath. “I- I got a draft notification today.”

Adam froze, eyes widening to what would be hilarious proportions if Tommy was looking at it on anybody else. “No,” Adam breathed. He sat up, looking down at Tommy. “You- but you can’t! You’re an only son, you’re safe-“

Tommy shushed him as he sat up. “I know, I know, that might get me out of it,” he said, catching Adam’s hand. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Adam-“

“It isn’t okay!” Adam squeaked out, shaking his head. “You can’t be drafted!”

Tommy crawled into his lap, straddling Adam as he hugged him, holding Adam tight as he shook. “It’s going to be alright. I’ll get out of it.”

Adam sniffled. “You can’t get drafted,” he whimpered, holding Tommy’s cheek with a shaky hand.

“It will be alright,” Tommy reassured and Adam whined softly.

“But I love you,” he squeaked out, tears brimming almost to bursting. “I can’t lose you cause I love you.”

Tommy’s heart seized in his chest and he took a ragged breath. “I love you too, Baby,” he choked out, kissing Adam suddenly. Adam seemed to understand, though, as he clung to Tommy so tight Tommy couldn’t have breathed even if their gentle, yet still somehow desperate kiss was to break. Tommy’s heart began to splinter when he realized Adam was holding and kissing him so carefully, so gently, it was as if he was never going to get the chance again. Tommy’s only move to reassure Adam was to hold him right back and give everything he could into the kiss. 

Because for all he knew, Adam could be right, in the end.

In the week leading up to Tommy’s physical, he helped Adam, Brad, and Neil all move into the dorms at the college. He took advantage of his parents and sisters ignoring the fact he was still seeing Adam in spite of their warnings to stop and spent most of his free time with Adam. They were both scared and being together as much as possible seemed to allay that fear for a little while, at least. They talked about everything and anything apart from the looming possibility of Tommy being conscripted and sent off to war. They spent some nights out with Brad and Neil, and just as many nights together alone. Tommy had even chanced the room above the bar again so that they could stay there all night and sleep without a cramped back seat or fear of a bear in the night if they went camping.

The morning of Tommy’s physical, he left before anybody else had a chance to wake up. He didn’t want to see the fear in his sister’s eyes, the pain in his mother’s, and the haunted look his father had suddenly developed. Tommy knew his father _never_ talked about his time in combat. In all of Tommy’s life, he’d never once heard Henry talk about France and his time there. He and his sisters had speculated before, and all they could figure is that the war had been so horrible he couldn’t talk about it. Tommy knew his father, in spite of being a war veteran, did _not_ want to ever see his child go off to battle. Even if he had medals he never showed off somewhere hidden in a box Tommy had only ever seen once, Tommy knew his father didn’t have any desire for Tommy to follow in his footsteps. Henry had been drafted, he hadn’t signed up, and Tommy could only hope his father was right about him escaping his own conscription.

When Tommy got home, everybody held their breath. Tommy could see the hope in their eyes fade when he simply muttered, “One-A,” and then continued on to his bedroom before he could get caught up in any tears.

The night before Tommy’s appointment with the local draft board, he and Adam made love a few times, refusing to leave the bed in the old room above the bar for anything. Neither of them had intentions of going home at all, so they stayed awake well into the morning hours, having their fill of each other in an almost desperate manner. Tommy knew that his appointment would determine both of their futures, and it terrified him.

“I wish you could just leave,” Adam said softly, stroking Tommy’s back. “If you could just pack your bags and go, nobody would catch you. You wouldn’t be facing the war. You could just go around like you said you wanted to, traveling the country, and nobody could make you do anything.

Tommy smiled sadly. “I couldn’t leave you and my family. I could not be alone. Loneliness doesn’t suit me.”

Adam nodded. “But you would be safe.”

“I’d be empty.” Tommy turned and kissed Adam’s chest beneath his face. “It’s going to be okay. This will work tomorrow. Things will be alright.”

Adam swallowed and closed his eyes. “It has to be, I won’t let them take you away from me.” He curled his arms around Tommy tighter, holding him close enough there were no spaces between them. “I can’t sit there wondering whether or not you’re even alive every single day.”

Tommy whined. “I would never make it as a soldier. No way in hell. I couldn’t take it. And I refuse to go to war. They’ll have to put me in jail. I’m not gonna fight in the same war I protest so much.”

Adam nodded. “I’ll be honest, for once, my political and moral opinions are second thoughts to worrying about you.”

Tommy grinned, looking up at Adam. “Wow, I managed to beat down your free-spirited, political-minded peace protestor side?” He winked. “You must really like my face a lot.”

Adam laughed and groaned, rolling them over to pin Tommy down, pushing his wrists up against the pillows. “You are not funny,” he said, playfully glaring at him.

Tommy smirked, licking his bottom lip before stretching his head back, looking up at his wrists. “I dunno, seems like you like my face when you do that,” he said, relaxing back to look up into Adam’s eyes. “Sure look like you see something you like,” he teased.

Adam bit back a laugh, but held his stern face. “I’m trying to be serious and you’re ruining it.”

Tommy shrugged as best he could with his hands pinned over his head. “I’ve been told I’m a funny guy,” he drawled, winking up at Adam exaggeratedly.

Adam finally cracked and burst into giggles. “TommyJoe, what am I gonna do with you?” he asked, sliding his hands from Tommy’s wrists down his arms, holding onto his upper arms as he leaned down to kiss him.

“Love me?” Tommy asked, voice surprisingly serious for the last few minutes playfulness. Adam looked at him in surprise. Tommy smiled, fear showing in his eyes. “All I want you to do is promise that you love me,” he said softly.

Adam took a breath. “Of course I do.” He pulled Tommy into his arms as he rolled them onto their sides. “I love you, Baby. Always.” He kissed him sweetly, legs tangling together. 

Tommy smiled and nodded, sadness filling his eyes. “Then it’s all okay. Nothing can be bad as long as you love me.”

Adam pulled him in, holding him close. “Always, always, always.”

Tommy nodded, closing his eyes as he tucked his face into Adam’s neck. “Good.”

There was very little scarier to Tommy than sitting across from a table of men who could all decide his fate. He fidgeted some in the neat suit his mother had talked him into wearing. He had forgot he even owned one. He sat nervously, tapping his toes and then stopping when he caught himself, until the man in the middle finally looked up at him, urging him to sit straighter.

“Thomas Ratliff, right?” he asked and Tommy nodded.

“Yes.” It was strange to hear his full name. Nobody had ever called him that. It was on his birth certificate but otherwise, everything and everybody said ‘Tommy’.

The man nodded, looking him over. “You filed to petition your call from Selective Service, correct?”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, clearing his throat. “I’m an only son.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Ratliff, a lot of only sons are being called this year.”

Tommy’s heart skipped a beat. “I thought that was the way it went that- that only sons were overlooked. There’s nobody else if I’m not there. My family needs me.”

“Are you the only man in the house, son?” A man further down the row said. He adjusted his glasses. “Your father, is he around?”

Tommy nodded. “My father is still there, but I- I’m the only one with an actual job. He’s self-employed. If something happened, I’d have the only income.”

The men all shared silent looks. The one in the center sat up. “Mr. Ratliff, times are tough. A lot of families have situations like yours. But if you’re not the only man in the house, even if you are the only son, that’s not enough to exempt you from serving your country.”

“What Mr. Roberts is saying,” the other man who had spoken began, “Is that we’d need more before reconsidering our decision.”

Tommy cleared his throat. “I’m a conscientious objector,” he said plainly.

Mr. Roberts nodded, holding out his hand for a folder from the left. “Religious or moral?” he asked, opening the file. 

“Moral,” Tommy answered, heart sinking. For the first time in his whole life, he wished he was religious all of a sudden. “I protest. A lot,” he offered hopefully. “I’ve been arrested twice at protests just this year,” he said, neglecting to mention those were race protests. 

Mr. Roberts looked at him and chuckled. “Well then maybe seeing what you’re protesting will change your mind. If nothing else, it’ll do your family good to get you out of their hair for a while if you’re a troublemaker.” He closed the file. “The way I see it, the Service will do you good, boy. With the permission of the board, I move to reject this petition,” he said to the other men at the table. They all nodded, no one spoke out, and he grabbed a stamp off the ink pad next to him.

Tommy felt panic rising and he did the only thing he could think of. “I’m a queer!” he blurted out. He flushed, feeling stupid the second he spoke out. Mr. Robert’s hand paused and Tommy swallowed. “I- I know homosexuals are prohibited from being in the military. I’d hate to cause trouble by going in,” he said more calmly.

Mr. Roberts looked at him and just chuckled darkly. “Son, as hard as you’ve tried to get out of this, you think I’m gonna buy that? You really think you’re the first to cry ‘queer’ cause they’re scared?” He stamped the file hard and handed it to the man on his left. “You’ll receive your orders in two the four weeks, Mr. Ratliff. You’re dismissed.”

When Tommy got home, he couldn’t even think. He walked in the door in a daze. He didn’t even notice his mother and father both calling his name as he walked right past them on his way to the kitchen, until Missouri stood up and grabbed his arm on his way past her. “Tommy! Mama’s talking to you,” she said, looking fearful of his behavior.

Tommy blinked at her, then turned back to face his parents. He saw Henry’s eyes harden the same time his mother’s smile slid off her face. “Oh God,” Beulah breathed. “Oh God, no.”

Henry stood up. “Tommy?”

Tommy swallowed, blinking hard as his emotions decided to kick back in. “I- I’ll get my orders in two to four weeks,” he said, voice breaking. 

Beulah looked at Henry’s horrified expression and burst into tears. “No, not my baby!” she cried, jumping up. She ran over and hugged Tommy, arms around his neck. “This can’t be happening, not my baby!”

Tommy closed his eyes, and tears slipped down his cheeks. “It’s gonna be okay, Mama. Don’t you worry,” he comforted, hugging her back. He opened his eyes and saw his father still frozen with a look so heavy that he appeared to have aged thirty years in two minutes. He knew the same thing his father had realized.

It really wasn’t going to be okay.

Tommy wasn’t really surprised when his father called him and he saw Adam standing on the front walk, looking nervous as he paced. Tommy was surprised his father hadn’t turned Adam away, but Henry just nodded at him to go outside. He was glad his mother and sisters were already in bed, though. While Henry may have some better understanding, he knew they still didn’t have the slightest clue what to think of Tommy and Adam.

It was dark so when Henry turned off the porch light as soon as he got outside, he knew that was his way of giving them privacy. He walked down and stood in front of Adam, who looked at him anxiously. Adam looked into his eyes and his shoulders tensed when Tommy looked away. “Tommy?”

Tommy sighed and shook his head. Adam slapped a hand over his mouth, staring at him. “I’ll get orders in two to four weeks.”

“No!” Adam whimpered, face twisting in anguish as he closed the space between them and clung to Tommy. “God no,” he breathed, shaking as he held Tommy close. Tommy turned his head and pressed his face into Adam’s neck, curling his arms around Adam’s middle as he held on, breathing in Adam’s comforting scent and clinging to the security of being in his lover’s arms while he could. “What can we do?” Adam asked helplessly.

Tommy shook his head. “Not much.” He pulled back just enough to tilt his head up and look into Adam’s eyes. “I don’t know for sure, but I think my best bet is to go enlist.”

Adam shook his head. “What are you talking about? That won’t _help_! You’ll still go to _Vietnam_ -“

“But the draftees are stuck up front with a gun and a prayer,” Tommy interrupted. He smiled sadly. “I won’t get front lines if I volunteer. Well, hopefully.”

Adam closed his eyes, pressing their noses together. “But I could still lose you like that.”

Tommy shrugged. “The only other option is prison, Adam.” He cupped his cheek and smiled sadly. “Look at me. Do you think I’d last in prison?”

Adam closed his eyes. “God, why is this happening? Why to you?”

“Because he’s from a ‘nigger’ family.” Tommy and Adam jumped apart, turning to see Henry standing on the porch. 

Tommy clenched his jaw. “Pops, please.”

Henry shrugged. “It’s true,” he said, arms crossed. “They picked you cause you’re from Compton and your family didn’t have any professional jobs involved. They pick from census information on a local level. Conscription boards are all-white and they picked a name from a middle-class black family and they just happened to land on the one white man in the neighborhood.” He looked down. “You’re getting drafted because I’m your daddy,” he said, voice tight.

Tommy shook his head. “Don’t think like that, Pops-“

“If I was white, they’d never take my only boy,” he said, looking up with tears in his eyes. “It’s cause we’re colored, Tommy. You know it as well as I do.”

Tommy sighed and nodded. “Nothing to be done now, though. Unless I go an enlist first-“

“You can go.” Tommy and Adam both gaped at Henry. He looked between them with a determined expression. “I don’t know anything about this,” he gestured to them. “But Tommy, if you go before your orders come in, they can’t arrest you if you don’t live here no more and have no forwarding address.”

Tommy snorted. “They can. They’ll still put me in prison-“

“They can’t _find_ you, Tommy.” Henry shook his head. “No child of mine is going to war. I said it the minute I got home, I said no matter what, your mama and me were never going to watch our child walk out that door on his way to war. I _refuse_ to sit around reliving all the terrible things I saw, but with the pure horror of my son in my place in those memories.” He shuddered. “I never want you to know what it’s like to kill a man. I never want you to have to know you did that.” He swallowed. “So you need to leave.”

Tommy walked away from Adam, eyes wide. “I can’t just leave! Ya’ll need me. I’m the only one with a job! I have two sisters to look out for and a mama that needs help-“

Henry shook his head. “You have a family that needs you _alive_.”

Tommy just stared. “I can’t run away.”

“You have to.” Henry turned away. “You’ll see, Son. The closer it gets, you’ll see. I know it.”

Tommy turned back to Adam, who just hugged him again, holding him tight as they both shook.

When Tommy’s orders came, he didn’t tell anybody. He was to report to be shipped out to basic training on October 28th – in two weeks. Ten days after his birthday.

Adam had been in classes a lot since the semester started in September, so Tommy didn’t call him. They didn’t talk every single day since Adam was busy now, but he knew Adam would have to know soon. He didn’t tell his family either. He didn’t want them to spend the next two weeks upset.

Henry seemed to know something. Tommy caught him watching him all the time. He knew Henry wanted him to run, and Tommy was beginning to think he may have been right to suggest so. As the date loomed closer, Tommy grew more and more fearful of what would happen if he was sent to Asia and never came back. What would his parents and sisters do if he died? It would be different if he wasn’t around, but he still couldn’t be sure that was the right thing to do either. 

He knew Adam was upset. One week before he was due to leave, he woke up one night he and Adam spent in the room above the bar and opened his eyes to see what woke him, only to see Adam sitting at the table, crying. Tommy didn’t let Adam know he was awake as he watched him for over an _hour_. Adam sat there with his head in his hands, crying for the longest. When Adam finally got up and came back to bed, Tommy feigned sleep even as Adam curled his arms around him so tightly it hurt to breathe. Tommy knew Adam was afraid of losing him. Truth be told, he was afraid of losing Adam when he was gone, as well. 

The next morning, as they lay curled up together, sharing lazy kisses and touches, Tommy looked into Adam’s eyes and stroked his hair back before letting loose the question that had been eating at him. “Will you wait for me while I’m gone?” he asked softly. “I know that- that it’s a lot to ask,” Tommy said, clearly pained. “But really, will I come home and find you waiting with open arms, or will I come home and not have you anymore?”

Adam took a shaky breath. “TommyJoe, if you come home in one piece you’ll have me until the day I die,” he whispered, voice tight. “God, Tommy, if I get you back I will never let you go again.”

Tommy swallowed. “And if I don’t?”

Adam’s eyes filled with tears and he whimpered, tugging Tommy into a vice-like hug. “Then I’ll never forgive you for making me fall in love with you,” he choked out. “Please, please don’t go.” He cried softly, pressing his face into Tommy’s hair. “Please, find some way. Any way. Just don’t go over there. Don’t make me sit here waiting on the day I hear you were killed or went missing. God I can’t lose you, I _can’t_.”

Tommy closed his eyes and held Adam, shushing him as his own tears slipped into Adam’s hair mostly-unnoticed.

Tommy was shining the new black panels on his motorcycle when Joe came in. “She finished?” Joe asked and Tommy nodded, standing up with a proud smile.

“She’s perfect,” he said, sliding his hand along the handlebars. “Just in time to give her up,” he realized sadly.

Joe frowned. “Give her up?”

Tommy sighed and put the rag down. “I was gonna wait until closing tonight but… I’ve got to give my notice,” he said weakly. 

Joe leaned back against the tool bench and raised an eyebrow. “That a fact? You’re pretty good help, Son. I hate to lose you. Mind telling me what better you got lined up?”

Tommy swallowed hard, paling. “My name came up. I’m- I’m being drafted. They’re shipping me out to training in a few days.” He closed his eyes. “They’re sending me there.”

Joe was staring at him in shock when Tommy opened his eyes. “But aren’t you an only son?”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah. I am. But I guess when your family isn’t important enough, they don’t care.” He looked at his motorcycle and bit his lip. “I know how it is. I probably won’t come back. Especially not in any shape to ride her. It’d be a shame to have her this beautiful and let her rot under a carport.”

Joe nodded sadly. “Damn, Tommy. I’m so sorry, kid.” He shook his head. “God knows I’m glad I’m too old. I’d probably run and never look back.” He cringed. “Guess I don’t have a family to look after though.” He slapped Tommy’s back. “I’m gonna miss you, Tommy. Hard work isn’t something many people give nowadays.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered, then shrugged. “Oh well, may as well take her out. Even if it’s just this once.”

Joe gave him a sympathetic smile. “Good luck, kid. I mean it.”

Tommy hopped on and fired up the motor. He closed his eyes, listening to her running beautifully, before kicking up the kick stand. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s go for a ride,” he whispered, stroking the handlebar lovingly before turning to take her out of the garage, eager to get the wind in his hair at least once.

He didn’t know if he’d ever get the chance again.

Tommy felt a sense of freedom and calmness as he rode along the sea for nearly an hour, looking out at the glittering blue of the sea in the afternoon sun. It was this freedom and clarity that gave Tommy a sense of boldness that put his mind to whirring, playing through everything and anything in his life. Greatest achievements, biggest failures. Heartbreaks, triumphs, and every drip of anger he had ever felt in his miserable life.

His mind kept coming back to two things in the end. 

He could remember the day Kittie started high school and decided she wanted to be a cheerleader. Even if their school was mostly fair, there were no colored cheerleaders. Tommy remembered the hopeful look on her face when she started practicing cheers in the back yard and bought some pompoms so she would know how to use them when she finally got a chance. Tommy remembered how bad he wanted her to be a cheerleader just to see her happy. It was the very next day that he went to his first rally. He had always wanted equality but had been too obedient of his parents worried wishes to defy them and go to rallies. It was wanting his baby sister to be whatever the hell she wanted to be that gave him the courage and strength to devote himself to making that happen. If the world wasn’t ready to accept her, he would _make it_ ready.

The other thing his mind offered was the first time Adam kissed him. That night on the beach, Tommy had never been more scared of anything in his life. It was scary, it was nerve-wracking, and it was also the most amazing thing Tommy had ever done. The feeling of ‘right’ and ‘good’ that Tommy’s heart began to sing the second Adam’s lips touched his were two of the most beautiful emotions Tommy could remember feeling to date. It seemed like so much longer than three months since that happened, but at the same time, every second he was with Adam felt like it rushed by too fast. There was never enough time for them to be together, in Tommy’s opinion. He realized that deep down he wanted to be with Adam forever. Nothing was scarier than the realization that he may never see him again in only a few days. Tommy thought about how much he had left to do with his life. He had to love Adam so much longer. He had to do so many things he’d never done. He had music to make and a world to explore. 

He still had a _world to fix_ for his baby sister.

In the future, Tommy would never be able to explain what made his mind up, what changed his decision in an instant, but one minute Tommy was enjoying the one and only ride he would ever get on his motorcycle and the next he was headed back to his house even though he knew his parents and sisters would be at the bar. 

In fact, he counted on it.

When Adam had agreed to meet him out in front of the dorms, Tommy knew he would be shocked to see him on his motorcycle. He wasn’t wrong. “You finished her!” Adam said with a bright smile, rushing up to meet him. “Wow, it’s pretty.” He frowned when he saw Tommy’s guitar case strapped along the side panel and a stuffed backpack on Tommy’s back. “Was it really worth the trouble to carry your stuff?” he asked.

Tommy slid off the bike and stepped up to him, hands shoved in his jeans pockets. “Adam… I’m leaving,” he said simply.

Adam paled. “What?” he whispered. “What do you mean by ‘leaving’? Why haven’t we talked-“

Tommy grabbed his hands, startling Adam, who looked around suddenly, worried people would see. Tommy was beyond caring, though. “I got orders weeks back. They say I’m being inducted in a few days.”

Adam paled. “Tommy-“

“So I’m leaving.” Tommy shook his head, giving Adam a smile. “My old man tried to get me to go. So I’m going. I’m not going to die before I get to live, Baby.”

Adam looked up with tears in his eyes. “Where will you go? Are you ever coming back? Why- you couldn’t have warned me?” He sniffled. “I love you,” he whispered weakly.

Tommy nodded, a bright smile on his face. “I know,” he said. He squeezed Adam’s hands. “That’s why I want you to come with me.”

Adam laughed weakly, a tear streaking his cheek. “Tommy, you know I can’t. I have school-“

“You hate it,” Tommy said. He swallowed, looking up at Adam. “Adam Lambert, I love you. I love you with everything in me. If-“ He blinked and swallowed. “If you don’t want to come with me, I understand. I really do.” He looked at him for a moment before continuing with a shaky voice. “But I’ll love you for the rest of my life. I won’t ever stop. Never.” Adam laughed out a sob, eyes slipping shut. 

“So what, you’d wait for me? Trust me to love you when you’re off exploring the world?” Adam asked weakly. 

Tommy shrugged. “If I have to.” He reached up and wiped tear streaks off of Adam’s face. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, though.”

Adam flinched, then looked at him, chewing hard on his lip as he stared into Tommy’s eyes so intently Tommy felt like Adam could read his very soul. “You would, wouldn’t you? You would trust I was waiting on you. You- you would believe it.”

Tommy nodded. “You’re the love of my life. It’s all I can do,” he said simply. 

Adam let out an almost manic laugh, then nodded, sniffling as he squeezed Tommy’s hands. “Okay, okay.” He took his hand and wiped his face, pushing his hair back. “This is crazy,” he breathed, then looked at Tommy seriously, though his blue eyes were shining with an excitement Tommy had never seen in them before. “Give me twenty minutes to pack a bag.” 

Tommy beamed. “Really?”

Adam laughed but nodded. “Yeah, I mean… hell why not?” he asked, then sobered some. “Do you need to call your family? Tell them goodbye? You could do that while I’m packing.”

Tommy shook his head. “It’s dealt with.”

Adam nodded, then giggled. “Oh my God, we’re crazy!” He clearly decided to completely stop caring about anything and chose that moment to duck in and kiss Tommy right there in public where dozens of people could see. “Be right back!”

While Adam packed, Tommy waited, thinking about what they were about to do. He knew in his heart of hearts that he was doing the right thing. It was the only way he could see for things to work. 

When Adam returned, Tommy handed him a pair of sunglasses and Adam put them on with a grin, swinging his backpack onto his back before climbing onto the motorcycle behind Tommy. “So, where will we go? Are you sure you don’t want to say goodbye to your family?” he asked Tommy, and Tommy shook his head.

“No, they understand,” he said softly before shaking himself and fixing a smile on his face. “I say we start heading east and see where we end up, how about you?” he asked, looking back at Adam, who just giggled, looking absolutely giddy with excitement.

“Sounds good to me, Tommy Joe!” Adam said, punctuating his words with a smacking kiss. “Besides, I’ve got you. What else would we need?”

Tommy smirked, kicking the motor to life. “Exactly.”

_Dear Ma, Pops, Missouri, and Kittie,_

_By the time you get this letter, I’ll be long gone. I am so sorry for springing this on you but I know it’s for the best. The fact is I got orders that I’d ship out in just a few days. Another fact is that I’ve been fixing up an old motorcycle for the past year bit by bit. Today I finished her and decided to take her for one ride before I was forced to give her up due to the likelihood of never coming home. It made me realize that exactly – I could never come home again. I know it’s unfair to you four to just run off like this, but there are a few things I can’t ignore._

_I am barely twenty-two years old and I don’t want to die yet. I’ve got so much left to do with my life. I’ve got places to go, music to make, a world to fix, and a man that I fully intend on loving until the day I die. I know we’ve all ignored it lately, but nothing has or probably ever will change the way I feel about Adam. Between Pops telling me it was better to run for it so that I never had to face the horrors of war he did and Adam begging me not to make him wait for me and have me come home in a box – or worse, not at all – I couldn’t do it. I can’t be a soldier. I have to go. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to get on my motorcycle and leave._

_Ma, please don’t worry. I will be in touch. I’ll write you and even phone you sometimes. I’ll take care of myself, I promise. Kittie, you do me one favor, okay? You join that cheerleading squad and be the best cheerleader that high school ever saw for your brother. Missouri, I’m sorry how things have been lately between us. I know you couldn’t take me being in love with another man and I regret the terms we’re parting on. But you’re always gonna be my big sister and my best friend. Nothing is ever going to change that. Pops, I hope you’re right. I hope this is the best thing to do. But you were right, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to kill anybody, and I don’t want to put you through knowing what I’d be doing while I was gone. Thank you for listening when nobody else was ready to give me their ear._

_I love you all. I am sorry for leaving like this, but goodbyes are hard. I don’t know if I could have left if I had to see your faces when I was turning my back and walking away. I don’t know when I’ll be home, but don’t you dare think this is forever. I promise you all right now, I will come home. I’ll see you all again sooner than you think. I think that’s about all I have to say, so wait on those letters. They’ll be coming your way real soon. The only thing left to say is-_

_Goodbye._


End file.
